Called the police

[Highfivemum]

Had a person contact me previously stating that we shared the same parent. It could be true as had a very difficult and complicated childhood and one which I don’t want to remember. My DB and I chose to ignore it. Two days ago had a visit from a person stating they were related. I shut the door in their face. It was a huge shock and triggered every bad memory though I understand I should have acted better. Yesterday the door went again and it was a different person who also stated they were family and could they talk. I again shut the door. DH was going to stay at home today but had a meeting he had to go to and as soon as DH left for work the door goes again and it is both of them. I shut the door again and I called the police. I know it is not a police issue but I literally am sitting here shaking. DH is on his way home and DB can’t be contacted as away on business. I feel crazy for calling the police and no idea what they will say to me but I was so worried and panicked. Anyone know what can be done. ? I don’t want to know these people
and have no idea how they have traced me and found out my address. It is a mess and I feel ill with worry.

utterly ridiculous.
just say you don't want anything to do with them.

it's not a police matter. they are not threatening you. get a grip

No apparently that's confusing and isn't a clear response. to someone with the brains of a gnat

Did you read all of OP's posts on this thread, @Readingismyfirstlove ? They stalked her, they intimidated her in her home, they laid in wait until the moment her husband left for work then started banging again, and they stayed on her property and refused to leave when asked. That is stalking, harassment and trespassing at least. Which are crime for which the police, the keepers of the peace, are there to respond to.

Why is this frightening? Could you take a number and when you've digested the information get in touch? It might be a joyous happy addition to the family who have also been affected by a ropey childhood. I do think they have gone about getting in touch the wrong way though.

glad that worked. Them refusing to leave us scary. If you haven’t got contact anyone from the past is worrying as these people have your details.

@mainecooncatonahottinroof you are not empathetic. At best you have very poor boundaries and have been conditioned to think being ‘nice’ trumps all, even personal safety or choice.

The only people on here claiming to have empathy are the same people berating the OP for not putting the needs of strangers ahead of her own trauma and safety. Berated her for not being ‘nice’ or for ‘being rude’ whilst casting the people who are harrassing her as soon as they know she’s alone, as victims.
That’s not empathy, it’s kicking someone to feel better about the fact you’d rather be trampled on in the pursuit of nice.

Very easy comment to make when you don’t know the back story and haven’t lived OP’s life.

Victim of what? Someone knocking on her door? Get a grip!

If that's what you think stalking is, you need a taste of reality.

Can you not read? Stalking (yes they emailed her, then tracked down her address, then returned to her house a few times OP said THAT...IS.....STALKING) harassment, laying in wait for her when her husband went to work so she was all alone, refusing to leave her property, loitering on private property. Ffs. If you think that is nothing, you're unbelievable!

Read the OP's posts, @Middlechild3 she has suffered trauma in her childhood. OP wants nothing to do with them. They should respect that.

Yet until today they haven’t been told not to continue. I very much doubt, unless it goes on after today’s intervention, that it would pass the threshold test.

I think you need to climbdown, you are massively exaggerating what has actually happened to the point of almost being hysterical.

The door went (not BANGED! OP never said banged), the door was shut in their face.

The next the door went again but a different person (NOT BANGED!), the door was shut in their face.

Today they have arrived together, there is absolutely NO evidence that they hid and waited for her husband to leave, the door went and there was two of them, it was shut in their face, they decided to stay on the driveway.

Staying on the driveway seems extreme, but without knowing why they were actually there and why they feel it is so important to talk to OP in person, no one can really judge them for thinking that it is the best course of action, they should have left when DH asked them to but they obviously felt if they waited OP would communicate with them, or what they had to say was so important as to risk the police becoming involved.

OP FINALLY, as advised by many, many people on this thread communicated with them that she knew who they were, but didn't wish to talk to them about anything related to her family.. and they then left without fanfare.

Which begs the question, if she would have just acknowledged their presence and sent them away instead of completely ignoring them whether they would have even bothered to come back in the first place.

No one has been "stalked", no one has been "threatened", no one has been "harassed".. OP is scared because she has a very complex past family history that is extremely raw.. but these people aren't responsible for her pain because she didn't even know they existed until last year when they emailed her, they are just a reminder of that which has caused a physical reaction in her, but they have no clue about that because they don't know her and she refused to say anything to them.

You really are dramatising events @TheGentleOpalMember

They’ve had the door slammed in their face several times, that’s making it clear they shouldn’t continue. OP was perfectly clear that she didn’t want to speak to them, they chose to harass her despite this.

I’m not saying it’s right, I am saying that it’s unlikely it would be considered in the public interest to prosecute this at present.

Sadly @Highfivemum this is happening more and more. It's so easy now to trace people and just go hammering on their door or share Facebook posts with date of birth begging the crowd to do the searching for them. My DH has been involved for many years in adoption reunions between birth parents and children, at the request of either party. The difference is he works as an intermediary, and would never pass on contact details for either. Many, many times he's heard how the person seeking has blown any chance of contact by going through a direct route and terrifying the person they're seeking contact with.

I do hope they leave you alone, and those saying just send them an email have no idea how traumatic it can be to be confronted in this way, even an email can feel absolutely terrifying. If they feel they need to tell you something they should email the information to you, and then leave it to you if you want to contact them once you've digested it.

Having said all that my DH has been involved in reunions that took place a good couple of years after the initial contact, but there were many more where the person pursued did not want contact and he always explained to those seeking that they couldn't continue with this. I'm not for one minute suggesting you should do this, especially considering your traumatic past.

Wishing you peace in your home. So pleased your DH is looking out for you in this. You are definitely not being unreasonable.

Hope you are OK.

Remember there can be a middle ground between having these people in your life. And having a one off conversation in a neutral venue, i certainly wouldn't have them in your house.

Depending on who they are bio parents, half siblings or abusers I'd consider reading their letter.

I know someone who met their bio dad in a pub. Got some info and that was the end of it.

If you're the lady who posted last year about sudden long lost siblings trying to get in touch and whether or not to tell your brother, I can't remember the full details but it sounded incredibly traumatic and went way beyond "just" a bit of a shit childhood. I've got no practical advice, but your feelings and reaction are valid and I hope you manage to move on from this.

Not the same but I had a situation where doctors found a genetic abnormality in me and advised to tell this side of the family as they should be tested too. I did contact some that I had fallen out with and was NC. They didn’t respond but I know they got tested. Not the same I know but maybe get them to write explaining what they want to discuss?

No one was suggesting they be prosecuted. The police should have attended and told the people to leave and not come back. It very much is in the public interest that people who harass and intimidate people in their own homes be told not to by the police. Sometimes it’s the only way they’ll stop their behaviour. OP had a right to be protected in this situation.

If they’re hopping for any kind of positive response from you they’ve gone about it in a really poor way. If their message for you was so important they could have told your DH.

I was initially thinking scam but now I’m wondering if they need a kidney donor! Whatever their motives, you’re right to put yourself first,

And she was protected, by her husband.

I don't think anyone is supporting their behaviour - though some have enough empathy to realise that though they have not gone about it the best way, they are obviously desperate to tell OP something important. Some can relate to their frustration and being rejected although not being heard. That is not to say there is no understanding of OP's situation. It could have been handled better on both sides.

Well you must be psychic (never mind the empathetic!) to judge my character on the basis of one post.... bit ludicrous really?! It's hilarious.

You do you. You haven't got a clue about me.

Thank god to finally read some common sense!

She should have been protected by the police. It’s shocking that they did nothing.