Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Called the police

880 replies

Highfivemum · 02/04/2025 10:41

Had a person contact me previously stating that we shared the same parent. It could be true as had a very difficult and complicated childhood and one which I don’t want to remember. My DB and I chose to ignore it. Two days ago had a visit from a person stating they were related. I shut the door in their face. It was a huge shock and triggered every bad memory though I understand I should have acted better. Yesterday the door went again and it was a different person who also stated they were family and could they talk. I again shut the door. DH was going to stay at home today but had a meeting he had to go to and as soon as DH left for work the door goes again and it is both of them. I shut the door again and I called the police. I know it is not a police issue but I literally am sitting here shaking. DH is on his way home and DB can’t be contacted as away on business. I feel crazy for calling the police and no idea what they will say to me but I was so worried and panicked. Anyone know what can be done. ? I don’t want to know these people
and have no idea how they have traced me and found out my address. It is a mess and I feel ill with worry.

OP posts:
GreenCandleWax · 02/04/2025 21:05

WinterMorn · 02/04/2025 19:44

Yet until today they haven’t been told not to continue. I very much doubt, unless it goes on after today’s intervention, that it would pass the threshold test.

Edited
Show quote history

Careful - showing reasonableness on this thread is not allowed. Instead its all "thugs", "terrorising", "stalking", etc.etc. Its like a mob - quite scary how people just pile on and escalate a particular narrative.

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 02/04/2025 21:13

GreenCandleWax · 02/04/2025 21:05

Careful - showing reasonableness on this thread is not allowed. Instead its all "thugs", "terrorising", "stalking", etc.etc. Its like a mob - quite scary how people just pile on and escalate a particular narrative.

Show quote history

It's ridiculous! I literally posted one casual comment about how these people might be desperate to speak to the OP - and their attempts to do so come across as pretty desperate to me. I made no comment whatsoever on the experience of the OP. I made no comment at all on the behaviour of the two people. Just literally said they must be desperate to speak to her.

Which has result in a pile-on of hysterical insults and name-calling directed at me. I think some people need to take a good, long look in the mirror about their own behaviour.

Can people not contribute a POV to a thread without getting lambasted? Can't you debate a point without name-calling or insulting someone?

Shelby2010 · 02/04/2025 21:26

It’s great that you have a good DH who has your back. I’m concerned that such a strong response to these people means you have a lot of unresolved trauma. Are you getting any help/therapy because it sounds like something you need.

If the do write you a letter, please ask DH to read it for you first.

whynotwhatknot · 02/04/2025 21:34

why dont they just write a leter you can get dh to read it if you dont want to

hanging round someone house is weird

saraclara · 02/04/2025 21:37

I think it's cruel not to share information that might help resolve issues for these people

Yet sharing that information would re-traumatise the OP. So who's important in this story?

If this was a legitimate approach by people with only positive intentions in mine, they would have approached OP through more official and sensitive channels. Not make repeated visits and refuse to leave her property.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 02/04/2025 21:38

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 02/04/2025 21:04

Thank god to finally read some common sense!

Show quote history

So the two people didn't mention to each other that the door had been shut in their faces and thought they'd go back for another go? They're either thick or don't care about OP's feelings. She shouldn't have to acknowledge them, she owes them nothing.

It's a shame she didn't feel able to tell them to fuck off and leave her alone but she's clearly traumatised. And before anyone says they may be as well, that's not the OP's problem.

saraclara · 02/04/2025 21:39

@Highfivemum in your OP you say Had a person contact me previously stating that we shared the same parent

How long ago was that, and how did they contact you? Did they give their name?

GreenCandleWax · 02/04/2025 21:44

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 02/04/2025 21:13

It's ridiculous! I literally posted one casual comment about how these people might be desperate to speak to the OP - and their attempts to do so come across as pretty desperate to me. I made no comment whatsoever on the experience of the OP. I made no comment at all on the behaviour of the two people. Just literally said they must be desperate to speak to her.

Which has result in a pile-on of hysterical insults and name-calling directed at me. I think some people need to take a good, long look in the mirror about their own behaviour.

Can people not contribute a POV to a thread without getting lambasted? Can't you debate a point without name-calling or insulting someone?

Show quote history

Totally agree.

WinterMorn · 02/04/2025 21:53

GreenCandleWax · 02/04/2025 21:05

Careful - showing reasonableness on this thread is not allowed. Instead its all "thugs", "terrorising", "stalking", etc.etc. Its like a mob - quite scary how people just pile on and escalate a particular narrative.

Show quote history

You are absolutely right. Some people on here are so addicted to drama you have to wonder how dull their own lives are.

Needspaceforlego · 02/04/2025 22:01

Op if it's a sibling or half siblings they could be trying to tell you about a funeral or inheritance that goes with it.

Or they might be trying to gather evidence about abuse and want you and brother to come forward.

They do sound pretty desperate to talk with you about something.

As I said a chat in a neutral venue, coffee shop, library, pub doesn't need to mean a deep and meaningful relationship.

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 02/04/2025 22:01

saraclara · 02/04/2025 21:37

I think it's cruel not to share information that might help resolve issues for these people

Yet sharing that information would re-traumatise the OP. So who's important in this story?

If this was a legitimate approach by people with only positive intentions in mine, they would have approached OP through more official and sensitive channels. Not make repeated visits and refuse to leave her property.

I think they are all important in the story. I don't know what the history here is, but it seems that the OP has good grounds to believe that these are siblings, and it's reasonable to suppose that all three of them have suffered historical trauma.

I have no idea why they chose to go about it in such a kack-handed way. The OP might have been more open if they had reached out more subtly. I'd imagine that someone going to these lengths must be in a pretty poor state of mind.

I still think the OP should find out what it is they want to speak to her about. What I don't understand is why they didn't come out with whatever it was when the OP's husband intervened. I still think it's cruel if they are seeking information about family not to share whatever it is that the OP might know. I'm thinking, 'Long Lost Family'. I've watched some deeply moving episodes where people have searched in vain for their birth family for years. I think if you can provide any sort of 'closure' for someone in these circumstances, then you have a moral obligation to do that.

The trauma of the past cannot be changed, no matter what anyone does at this point.

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 02/04/2025 22:05

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 02/04/2025 21:38

So the two people didn't mention to each other that the door had been shut in their faces and thought they'd go back for another go? They're either thick or don't care about OP's feelings. She shouldn't have to acknowledge them, she owes them nothing.

It's a shame she didn't feel able to tell them to fuck off and leave her alone but she's clearly traumatised. And before anyone says they may be as well, that's not the OP's problem.

Show quote history

I don't know why they did that, and obviously I know nothing of any of these people. Nope, she owes them nothing, but personally and from a moral perspective, I would feel the need to at least listen to what they have to say. The OP can still tell them to fuck off at any point.

If I thought there might be something I could do to alleviate the suffering of another human being, particularly if they might be my sibling, then personally I would feel I had to do it.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 02/04/2025 22:08

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 02/04/2025 22:05

I don't know why they did that, and obviously I know nothing of any of these people. Nope, she owes them nothing, but personally and from a moral perspective, I would feel the need to at least listen to what they have to say. The OP can still tell them to fuck off at any point.

If I thought there might be something I could do to alleviate the suffering of another human being, particularly if they might be my sibling, then personally I would feel I had to do it.

Show quote history

OP effectively did tell them to fuck off when she slammed the door in their faces. They ignored it. They also ignored her DH asking them to leave twice. These are not reasonable people. She’s had to placate them with an offer to read a letter in order to get them off her property.

DevilledEgg · 02/04/2025 22:10

I can't believe so many posters are telling you stalking is not a police matter! If you shut the door on someone that's a clear indication that they're not welcome. If you ignore emails it shows you aren't interested. Anyone forcing unwanted contact is up to no good

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 02/04/2025 22:12

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 02/04/2025 22:08

OP effectively did tell them to fuck off when she slammed the door in their faces. They ignored it. They also ignored her DH asking them to leave twice. These are not reasonable people. She’s had to placate them with an offer to read a letter in order to get them off her property.

Show quote history

Desperate people are seldom reasonable.

Again, I don't know why they didn't tell the OP's DH what they needed to say to her.

DevilledEgg · 02/04/2025 22:13

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 02/04/2025 22:12

Desperate people are seldom reasonable.

Again, I don't know why they didn't tell the OP's DH what they needed to say to her.

Show quote history

Because they lose the power and control and they want to control the OP

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 02/04/2025 22:15

DevilledEgg · 02/04/2025 22:13

Because they lose the power and control and they want to control the OP

Show quote history

You literally don't know that. You have no idea why they want to speak to the OP let alone "control" her!

sandyhappypeople · 02/04/2025 22:20

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 02/04/2025 22:08

OP effectively did tell them to fuck off when she slammed the door in their faces. They ignored it. They also ignored her DH asking them to leave twice. These are not reasonable people. She’s had to placate them with an offer to read a letter in order to get them off her property.

Show quote history

She’s had to placate them with an offer to read a letter in order to get them off her property.

Why do you have to make things up? She wrote them a note which was passed via DH, they then told DH that they would send her a letter instead and they hoped that she would read it.

She didn't have to placate them with anything, she told them she wouldn't be communicating with them in person and they left.

Why invent scenarios that don't exist?

DevilledEgg · 02/04/2025 22:22

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 02/04/2025 22:15

You literally don't know that. You have no idea why they want to speak to the OP let alone "control" her!

Show quote history

They're behaving in a controlling manner are they not? Standing on her drive for hours trying to intimidate her into a conversation. Refusing to speak through a third party (the husband) and forcing the her to accept a letter in return for peace in her own home? They're literally trying to control her interactions with them even though it's been made damn clear she doesn't want to interact. That's controlling.

DevilledEgg · 02/04/2025 22:23

sandyhappypeople · 02/04/2025 22:20

She’s had to placate them with an offer to read a letter in order to get them off her property.

Why do you have to make things up? She wrote them a note which was passed via DH, they then told DH that they would send her a letter instead and they hoped that she would read it.

She didn't have to placate them with anything, she told them she wouldn't be communicating with them in person and they left.

Why invent scenarios that don't exist?

Edited
Show quote history

They refused to leave until she agreed to a letter. It's sinister.

TheSquareMile · 02/04/2025 22:33

@Highfivemum

Would you consider doing an Ancestry DNA test, OP?

If you are connected to someone, you would be able to discover that in peace and quiet by looking at your account online.

If it should be clear that you are not connected to the people who called round, you can tell them that if they should come back.

https://www.ancestry.co.uk/c/dna

Sleepington · 02/04/2025 22:38

Its unsettling that they waited outside your house even though your actions had made it very clear that you didn't want anything to do with them.

I'm trying to think about what would drive them to do this and my guess is money. Is there a chance that they think they are entitled to money/inheritance left to you and your brother?

Their solicitor should write to you in that case though.

sandyhappypeople · 02/04/2025 22:41

DevilledEgg · 02/04/2025 22:23

They refused to leave until she agreed to a letter. It's sinister.

Show quote history

They refused to leave until she agreed to a letter. It's sinister.

No they haven't.. why do you keep making up things that haven't happened?

They refused to leave until they had talked with her, she finally communicated with them (via letter) and then they left, then they said upon leaving they would write a letter in the hopes that she would read that instead.

She could have communicated her unwillingness to speak about anything to do with her family history from the beginning, instead of just ignoring their presence and leave them scratching their heads as to what they should do next, no one knows what they have to talk to OP about, they obviously feel it is extremely important AND private, but now they have a channel open for relaying whatever information they need to relay, so hopefully that will be the end of it, OPs DH can read the letter and decide it is something in OPs interest to know about.

DevilledEgg · 02/04/2025 22:47

sandyhappypeople · 02/04/2025 22:41

They refused to leave until she agreed to a letter. It's sinister.

No they haven't.. why do you keep making up things that haven't happened?

They refused to leave until they had talked with her, she finally communicated with them (via letter) and then they left, then they said upon leaving they would write a letter in the hopes that she would read that instead.

She could have communicated her unwillingness to speak about anything to do with her family history from the beginning, instead of just ignoring their presence and leave them scratching their heads as to what they should do next, no one knows what they have to talk to OP about, they obviously feel it is extremely important AND private, but now they have a channel open for relaying whatever information they need to relay, so hopefully that will be the end of it, OPs DH can read the letter and decide it is something in OPs interest to know about.

Show quote history

In what world is it acceptable to refuse to leave someone's property when they've made it abundantly clear they want no contact with you?

No world is the answer.

So the acceptable way to address this should have been:
"Can I talk to you"
Door closes
"Guess that's a no then, let's go"

THE END

I'm not making shit up. It's right there in the OPs replies. If you look, you see. Perhaps work on your reading comprehension of you aren't grasping it.

DevilledEgg · 02/04/2025 22:51

Whatever information they wish to convey is irrelevant. They don't have a right to harass someone just because they think they're related. If it's a legal thing, they can instruct a solicitor. If it's not, they'll just have to come to terms with the fact she doesn't want to know.