Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Called the police

880 replies

Highfivemum · 02/04/2025 10:41

Had a person contact me previously stating that we shared the same parent. It could be true as had a very difficult and complicated childhood and one which I don’t want to remember. My DB and I chose to ignore it. Two days ago had a visit from a person stating they were related. I shut the door in their face. It was a huge shock and triggered every bad memory though I understand I should have acted better. Yesterday the door went again and it was a different person who also stated they were family and could they talk. I again shut the door. DH was going to stay at home today but had a meeting he had to go to and as soon as DH left for work the door goes again and it is both of them. I shut the door again and I called the police. I know it is not a police issue but I literally am sitting here shaking. DH is on his way home and DB can’t be contacted as away on business. I feel crazy for calling the police and no idea what they will say to me but I was so worried and panicked. Anyone know what can be done. ? I don’t want to know these people
and have no idea how they have traced me and found out my address. It is a mess and I feel ill with worry.

OP posts:
WinterMorn · 02/04/2025 16:17

starfishmummy · 02/04/2025 16:10

Sounds like stalking and harassment to me.

Show quote history

Unless I have missed a key update, it’s not yet in that territory

AthWat · 02/04/2025 16:18

pinkdelight · 02/04/2025 15:44

I mean, you missed the most important thing that your argument hinged on, not just once but kept arguing the toss several times despite it being repeatedly pointed out to you. But sure, you were right all along and would be quite justified to keep banging on women's doors because them slamming the door on you probably means they think you're someone else and you need her DH to say the specific word 'go' because otherwise they might all still be wanting you to stay. Your imagination is a scary place.

Show quote history

No, nothing hinged on that because I always said I was defending their possible actions before the husband arrived, not afterwards. Afterwards, I could see no explanation for their behaviour. I said that. The point about whether the husband had directly told them to go was incidental.

CakeFace1234 · 02/04/2025 16:19

I'm so glad they have left. Must have felt very intimidating having them just outside - how could they have thought that was a good idea? I hope you can relax a bit now. Much better approach. You can read their response at your own pace, or not at all, if things are too overwhelming.

AthWat · 02/04/2025 16:21

IWillAlwaysBeinaClubWithYouin1973 · 02/04/2025 15:49

I cannot believe some of the posters on here defending the people on the drive and their astonishing entitled behaviour. I am adopted, I found both birth parents and siblings. I got a professional intermediary from the charities appointed by social services to contact both parents by letter saying "there is a person whose birth name was XYZ who would like to make contact if you wish". Both said yes, thought about it then a year or so later said no. Then ghosted me. I also know where some of the siblings live. I contacted 2 of them (there are 5) on social media and said I believe we are closely related, this is my name address and linked in profile so you can check me out, I'd be happy to talk if you wish. No replies.

It was heartbreaking, I'm in my 60s now and struggle to come to terms with it, but I have no right whatsoever to turn up on their doorsteps and it's batshit to think that I would have. It's appalling behviour. I literally cannot believe that posters would support it and even worse considering what the OP has told us about her childhood.

Edited

Nobody is defending the people on the drive IF the reason they are there is the reason the OP thinks they are there, or the reasons you outline in your own case.

Anyone "defending" them (up to the point the husband arrived and someone actually spoke to them) is doing so because they might be there for an entirely different reason, and nobody had asked whether they were.

BloodyRacket · 02/04/2025 16:22

You are probably getting triggered into some post traumatic stress lovely.

be kind to yourself. Try and keep grounded and in the present.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=e_JTaCUQ3DU

here is a guided grounding technique.

Try and remember that you are in the present, you are an adult and you have choices. You don’t need to engage with them if you don’t want to. I’m glad they have gone now.

it might be that they want to bring charges against a perpetrator. If you don’t then that’s YOUR choice and your choice alone. Read the letter or don’t. It’s up to you.

If you haven’t sought out trauma focussed therapy yet talk to your GP if you want to find out about it.

You have had a shock so look after your physical body as well as you can. Drink water, eat regularly and do things that
make you feel safe.

Im so sorry you had a tough past. Sending you peace and strength.

TheGentleOpalMember · 02/04/2025 16:24

WinterMorn · 02/04/2025 16:17

Unless I have missed a key update, it’s not yet in that territory

Show quote history

They turned up several times over a few days, banging on her door and wouldn't leave. As well as contacting her by email. That is stalking and harassment if ever there was!

Americano75 · 02/04/2025 16:27

How are you now OP? I hope you're feeling less upset, that sounds like a really stressful experience.

MarmaladeBagel · 02/04/2025 16:28

Op I'm guessing you may have had some involvement with social services in your childhood, possibly adopted and these are birth relatives who have found you. You don't have to reply to me to confirm/deny but if that's the case social services may still be available for you to talk to and support you with all this.x

GreenCandleWax · 02/04/2025 16:29

i am sorry to say I think you were BVU. These people if they are genuine must have really screwed up their courage to contact you, and it seems they have something important to tell you. It must have been very emotionally difficult for them to try and contact you, and then to have the door shut in their face is appalling. The way you have treated them is awful - rude, rejecting and dreadful. How do you think they feel? I hope you got some name or contact detail for them so that when you calm down you can see how badly you treated them, and maybe apologise and hear them out.

Cosmosforbreakfast · 02/04/2025 16:32

OP I'm glad you've got rid of them and hopefully they will leave you in peace now. It must have been a terrible ordeal for you, I hope you have plenty of support.

blueshoes · 02/04/2025 16:38

Highfivemum · 02/04/2025 15:51

DH took my note outside to them and they have finally left. . Well I hope they have. They said they will be writing a letter to me in the hope that I will respond to them. Thank you for your responses. The advice to write a note seems to have worked

This is sensible.

If they want to talk to you and you are not willing, they should 'show their hand' first by writing the note.

You also do not know who they are from Larry aka possible scammers or debt collectors or criminals. Hence if and when you get the note, you (with your dh's help) should also satisfy yourselves as to whether they are who they claim to be. They must at least reference enough non-public personal details to be credible.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 02/04/2025 16:39

Thank goodness they’ve gone. I’d be very very surprised if you’ve heard the last of them though and still strongly recommend getting some security cameras installed on your property. Whatever they wanted, the fact they refused to leave shows they’re not going to take no for an answer. When you get the letter I’d advise that you do read it and respond to it, if only to state explicitly in writing that you want no further communication from them. A lot of the astonishing posts on this thread demonstrate that some people will take any excuse to ignore your very clear “no” so you need to leave them no wiggle room whatsoever.

I hope you can have a quiet evening and relax after such a traumatic day.

pinkdelight · 02/04/2025 16:39

GreenCandleWax · 02/04/2025 16:29

i am sorry to say I think you were BVU. These people if they are genuine must have really screwed up their courage to contact you, and it seems they have something important to tell you. It must have been very emotionally difficult for them to try and contact you, and then to have the door shut in their face is appalling. The way you have treated them is awful - rude, rejecting and dreadful. How do you think they feel? I hope you got some name or contact detail for them so that when you calm down you can see how badly you treated them, and maybe apologise and hear them out.

If you don’t care how the OP feels, why do you care so much how the other people feel? Why does their need to tell her something trump her need not to hear it? 20 pages in and I still find this a baffling position. Can you not fathom why someone who is non contact with their family, doesn’t want to suddenly have contact with them - or anyone connected with them - just because those strangers have been ‘courageous’? And if the way they’ve behaved is your idea of courageous, I’m truly at a loss.

Morporkia · 02/04/2025 16:40

GreenCandleWax · 02/04/2025 16:29

i am sorry to say I think you were BVU. These people if they are genuine must have really screwed up their courage to contact you, and it seems they have something important to tell you. It must have been very emotionally difficult for them to try and contact you, and then to have the door shut in their face is appalling. The way you have treated them is awful - rude, rejecting and dreadful. How do you think they feel? I hope you got some name or contact detail for them so that when you calm down you can see how badly you treated them, and maybe apologise and hear them out.

The eejits really are out in force today. She's under no obligation to respond to them in any way shape or form. Twat

Scout2016 · 02/04/2025 16:41

Sorry if this has bern suggested but is it possible they have some information such as herititory medical diagnosis that they want to pass on?

BBT213 · 02/04/2025 16:41

GreenCandleWax · 02/04/2025 16:29

i am sorry to say I think you were BVU. These people if they are genuine must have really screwed up their courage to contact you, and it seems they have something important to tell you. It must have been very emotionally difficult for them to try and contact you, and then to have the door shut in their face is appalling. The way you have treated them is awful - rude, rejecting and dreadful. How do you think they feel? I hope you got some name or contact detail for them so that when you calm down you can see how badly you treated them, and maybe apologise and hear them out.

Cannot disagree more.

THEY are the ones being rude! She has clearly shown she is not interested in talking to them and they have stayed there for hours!!

Why should she apologise? That's nuts. She has nothing to apologise for - she was clear in her actions. THEY should apologise for not getting the blooming hint and leaving OP alone.

Morporkia · 02/04/2025 16:41

Scout2016 · 02/04/2025 16:41

Sorry if this has bern suggested but is it possible they have some information such as herititory medical diagnosis that they want to pass on?

Then they go about it via a different channel, not by refusing to leave her the fuck alone.

pinkdelight · 02/04/2025 16:43

Scout2016 · 02/04/2025 16:41

Sorry if this has bern suggested but is it possible they have some information such as herititory medical diagnosis that they want to pass on?

Even if they had, they don’t have some inalienable right to inform the OP if she doesn’t want to know. She’s not gone to the doctors and wanting info on her health. She’s minding her own business at home and doesn’t want to hear from them whatever they have to say.

CalleOcho · 02/04/2025 16:44

GreenCandleWax · 02/04/2025 16:29

i am sorry to say I think you were BVU. These people if they are genuine must have really screwed up their courage to contact you, and it seems they have something important to tell you. It must have been very emotionally difficult for them to try and contact you, and then to have the door shut in their face is appalling. The way you have treated them is awful - rude, rejecting and dreadful. How do you think they feel? I hope you got some name or contact detail for them so that when you calm down you can see how badly you treated them, and maybe apologise and hear them out.

Is this a joke post or…..?

Two complete strangers have emailed the OP with information that has upset her, then they have proceeded to turn up uninvited and unannounced to her HOME.

The OP has no idea how these people have gotten her address. That is incredibly creepy and unnerving.

I’m assuming you’ve read all of the OP’s updates and you have the absolute AUDACITY to tell a panicked woman that she has behaved appallingly and owes these unhinged stalkers an apology? Just because she has closed her own door and doesn’t wish to engage with these people.

How do you think they feel?
Are you for fucking real? How on earth do you think the OP and her husband feel after having two strangers continuously knocking on their door for multiples days and have refused to leave their property?

Seriously, do you have no self awareness? No empathy?

Absolutely shameless. I am gobsmacked at your post.

blueshoes · 02/04/2025 16:44

Scout2016 · 02/04/2025 16:41

Sorry if this has bern suggested but is it possible they have some information such as herititory medical diagnosis that they want to pass on?

Possible but unlikely.

When people are this persistent, it is usually to do with money (as in money they think is owed to them, not the other way round) or some deep emotional hole they are looking to fill.

BloodyRacket · 02/04/2025 16:50

GreenCandleWax · 02/04/2025 16:29

i am sorry to say I think you were BVU. These people if they are genuine must have really screwed up their courage to contact you, and it seems they have something important to tell you. It must have been very emotionally difficult for them to try and contact you, and then to have the door shut in their face is appalling. The way you have treated them is awful - rude, rejecting and dreadful. How do you think they feel? I hope you got some name or contact detail for them so that when you calm down you can see how badly you treated them, and maybe apologise and hear them out.

Please read between the lines. This is someone probably in the midst of a traumatic stress response to reminders of past trauma. These people need to read the room and have a little more sensitivity no matter what their motives.

GreenCandleWax · 02/04/2025 16:53

pinkdelight · 02/04/2025 16:39

If you don’t care how the OP feels, why do you care so much how the other people feel? Why does their need to tell her something trump her need not to hear it? 20 pages in and I still find this a baffling position. Can you not fathom why someone who is non contact with their family, doesn’t want to suddenly have contact with them - or anyone connected with them - just because those strangers have been ‘courageous’? And if the way they’ve behaved is your idea of courageous, I’m truly at a loss.

Show quote history

I just think that these people also have feelings if they are genuine, and I don't understand the one-sided pile-on.

Morporkia · 02/04/2025 16:55

GreenCandleWax · 02/04/2025 16:53

I just think that these people also have feelings if they are genuine, and I don't understand the one-sided pile-on.

Show quote history

ODFOD. After being told to leave the OP alone, they refused. Sounds to me they're just as obtuse as you.

Thirteenblackcat · 02/04/2025 17:02

GreenCandleWax · 02/04/2025 16:29

i am sorry to say I think you were BVU. These people if they are genuine must have really screwed up their courage to contact you, and it seems they have something important to tell you. It must have been very emotionally difficult for them to try and contact you, and then to have the door shut in their face is appalling. The way you have treated them is awful - rude, rejecting and dreadful. How do you think they feel? I hope you got some name or contact detail for them so that when you calm down you can see how badly you treated them, and maybe apologise and hear them out.

There are ways to contact people that don’t involve turning up unannounced and refusing to leave the property. They need to get it in writing.

They clearly haven’t thought about how turning up like this would affect @Highfivemum

Whooowhooohoo · 02/04/2025 17:03

Sorry for you. They sound unreasonable and can’t understand why they think this approach is appropriate.

They can write a letter & you can choose to read it. Maybe have husband or other close person read it first to help you decide.

good luck.