Called the police

[Highfivemum]

Had a person contact me previously stating that we shared the same parent. It could be true as had a very difficult and complicated childhood and one which I don’t want to remember. My DB and I chose to ignore it. Two days ago had a visit from a person stating they were related. I shut the door in their face. It was a huge shock and triggered every bad memory though I understand I should have acted better. Yesterday the door went again and it was a different person who also stated they were family and could they talk. I again shut the door. DH was going to stay at home today but had a meeting he had to go to and as soon as DH left for work the door goes again and it is both of them. I shut the door again and I called the police. I know it is not a police issue but I literally am sitting here shaking. DH is on his way home and DB can’t be contacted as away on business. I feel crazy for calling the police and no idea what they will say to me but I was so worried and panicked. Anyone know what can be done. ? I don’t want to know these people
and have no idea how they have traced me and found out my address. It is a mess and I feel ill with worry.

I disagree. Once she shut the door in their faces the first time they should have backed off. If they were desperate for info they should write a letter and hope for the best. The OP doesn't owe them anything.

I have a dad that I haven't spoken to in thirty years. If someone showed up saying they were a half sibling I'd wish them well, but I'd want nothing to do with them. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I appreciate other people would feel differently.

If there was an inheritance due or medical information I doubt they'd be stalking the OP. They'd send a letter instead of constantly for knocking.

Yes, I just said, I missed that line. Everything else I stand by. I've said throughout that once her husband turned up and gave them a communication channel, it changed things completely.

Do NOT let them in no matter what.

They sound nuts if they're trespassing after having been asked to leave the property and leave you alone, it sounds like they're trying to intimidate you and isn't that harassment?

Did your husband tell them directly you would not be speaking to them at all and to leave the property now?

This is nothing good.

Some people are being deliberately stupid here. The OP has very clearly told them to go away through her actions and her husbands words. I can’t believe so many people actually believe that if she personally spoke to them face to face to tell them she doesn’t want to talk to them and to please go away that they’d just graciously leave. If they were going to respect her wishes they’d have left already.

OP keep phoning the police. This is absolutely not okay. And if you don’t have them already, get some security cameras on your property. You might have to look into a restraining order if they don’t give up. I’m so sorry this is happening to you, it must be terrifying.

You husband obviously has less of a temper than mine because if someone was refusing to get off of our property I think he'd forcibly remove the two of them at once.

But given that he's not that way inclined, it's now a 999 job as far as I'm concerned. They're harassing you.

Really hope the police come soon and speak to them. This is harassment. Glad you've got your DH with you.

I mean, I previously pointed out to you, upthread, what the OP had said (even direct quoted) about her husband telling them “to go” and you still didn’t believe it. So I appreciate I’ll not get much further with you here.

if I was turning up to tell someone something, knowing they knew nothing about me or why I was coming, and they kept slamming the door in my face inexplicably, I might try again, because yes, I'd imagine they thought I was someone else.

That’s honestly really bizarre behaviour.

If this does happen to you, and you repeatedly knocked on a strangers door uninvited to tell them something- If they slam the door multiple times in your face please be a decent person and leave them alone.

If what you want to say is so desperately important then you could send ONE letter to them to politely explain. Since you already know their address.

I mean, you missed the most important thing that your argument hinged on, not just once but kept arguing the toss several times despite it being repeatedly pointed out to you. But sure, you were right all along and would be quite justified to keep banging on women's doors because them slamming the door on you probably means they think you're someone else and you need her DH to say the specific word 'go' because otherwise they might all still be wanting you to stay. Your imagination is a scary place.

I'd say a slammed door and her husband asking them to leave makes the point!

I cannot believe some of the posters on here defending the people on the drive and their astonishing entitled behaviour. I am adopted, I found both birth parents and siblings. I got a professional intermediary from the charities appointed by social services to contact both parents by letter saying "there is a person whose birth name was XYZ who would like to make contact if you wish". Both said yes, thought about it then a year or so later said no. Then ghosted me. I also know where some of the siblings live. I contacted 2 of them (there are 5) on social media and said I believe we are closely related, this is my name address and linked in profile so you can check me out, I'd be happy to talk if you wish. No replies.

It was heartbreaking, I'm in my 60s now and struggle to come to terms with it, but I have no right whatsoever to turn up on their doorsteps and it's batshit to think that I would have. It's appalling behviour. I literally cannot believe that posters would support it and even worse considering what the OP has told us about her childhood.

I think you were over the top to call the police initially but not now if they’re out on your drive. It is very stalkery! That said, they may have come a long way and mean no ill or offence. It’s hard to tell from your OP and the limited detail you have provided. If it was me, I’d want to know more but only you can assess whether and why this would be bad, given the history you have described.

OP, you are more likely to stop them coming round by being clear.
Try emailing them. Say thank you for getting in touch; you understand that they want to meet their half sibling, but it has been a shock to you to hear from them and even more so to have them turning up on your doorstop. You are not ready to meet or talk to them, so please don't attempt to make contact again. You agree to keep their details in case your feelings change, but meanwhile you are serious in asking them to stay away. Best wishes.

Imagine if it was the postcode lottery with a massive cheque

I hope the police came and told them to leave.

Really not on, complete strangers rocking up at your home unexpectedly and feeling absolutely entitled to a conversation with you. And refusing to leave when asked. Just, wow.

DH took my note outside to them and they have finally left. . Well I hope they have. They said they will be writing a letter to me in the hope that I will respond to them. Thank you for your responses. The advice to write a note seems to have worked

They sound legitimate but up to you if you want to respond to the letter or not. Glad the note worked

I think it’s justified if you call them back and say you feel intimidated( You do)
” Causing alarm and distress” IS an offence

Missed your update( slow typer) I hope that’s the end of it

i think people are being unfair to you OP.
By shutting the door you've made it clear you're not interesting. They have somehow got your address and approached it several times. I don't think you've been unreasonable.

Hopefully they leave you alone now you honestly owe them nothing.

OP would I be right in thinking that if they write you a letter you won't read it? Would you want your husband to read it or will it go straight in the bin?

The OP is perfectly entitled to not read it or put it straight in the bin.

(Hopefully she does read it, just so she’s for peace of mind of what these peoples intentions were but she’s got no obligation to reply).

If the OP doesn’t respond to the letter then hopefully these stalkers get the hint and finally make peace with themselves and leave her alone.

OP - if they do send you a letter and you respond I wish you the best going forwards with what sounds like a very sensitive situation, however please do
not feel pressured or guilted into responding.

Then the CPS and/or a solicitor would have contacted her through normal, written, legal channels.

I think the note was the best solution and I'm glad they've gone OP.

I think in fairness, ignoring is not the answer, you just need to be clear that you don't want to have any sort of relationship because of all the bad memories it brings up, really that is all you have to say, so I hope that when they write you you feel you can write back to acknowledge but make your position perfectly clear, if you really don't want any sort of contact or relationship then it is up to you to shut it down, ignoring it just leaves the door open for them to try again another time.

If you have done that then any sort of persistent contact from them would definitely be considered harassment, and it would be time like a previous poster said to send them a solicitors letter.

But chances are they had an incredibly difficult upbringing in the care system just like yourself and have struggled with it, maybe the have something important to discuss that they think may be of benefit to you in some way too which is why they were so persistent, but either way, you've set your boundary now, it is up to them to respect it.

Sounds like stalking and harassment to me.