Called the police

[Highfivemum]

Had a person contact me previously stating that we shared the same parent. It could be true as had a very difficult and complicated childhood and one which I don’t want to remember. My DB and I chose to ignore it. Two days ago had a visit from a person stating they were related. I shut the door in their face. It was a huge shock and triggered every bad memory though I understand I should have acted better. Yesterday the door went again and it was a different person who also stated they were family and could they talk. I again shut the door. DH was going to stay at home today but had a meeting he had to go to and as soon as DH left for work the door goes again and it is both of them. I shut the door again and I called the police. I know it is not a police issue but I literally am sitting here shaking. DH is on his way home and DB can’t be contacted as away on business. I feel crazy for calling the police and no idea what they will say to me but I was so worried and panicked. Anyone know what can be done. ? I don’t want to know these people
and have no idea how they have traced me and found out my address. It is a mess and I feel ill with worry.

Again why the hell would he do that when he is there and they can just tell him?

@Highfivemum police they are threatening!! note- I dont know who you are! I dont want to know who you are! you are not in my life currently! I dont want you in my life now or ever! You are not getting a kidney or a pint of my special blood! now fuck off!

I mentioned a restraining order.

It’s irrelevant whether or not it’s about a potential claim on a parent’s estate. The way to deal with that is to instruct a solicitor to write a letter on their behalf. What you don’t do is turn up on the doorstep of a complete stranger, accompanied by whichever relative fancies joining you, and insist that you will be discussing something with them, whether they want to hear it or not. That is exactly the sort of behaviour that requires a Court Order because ‘Go away, we don’t want to talk to you’ clearly isn’t enough for them.

Can you not just hear them out? Speak to them through the door??

Which is what I said previously, in pretty much that exact way, there can be nothing they need to say that can't be said to him, so their excuse of having 'only talk to op' is utter bullshit.

I think the husband needs to be doing a better job of fucking them off in fairness, it all seems quite passive at the moment, especially seeing as the police seem completely uninterested in it.

But if they won't leave until they have some sort of response from OP then a note saying she won't be engaging with them is a good way of responding, once they've had that then they have got no real reason to wait around.

What do you expect the police to do? They have better things to do than chastise someone for the non crime of knocking on your door and asking to speak with you. Standing outside on the street is also not an offence.

Just be a grown up, walk outside ask them what they want and say I'm sorry but I don't want contact with any family members, long lost or otherwise.

They might be just needing an answer to something or informing you of a death. The sooner you speak to them, the sooner they piss off.

Unless there is a drip feed coming that your family is the mafia or you're in witness protection, this is ridiculous.

I'd want to know why they wanted to speak to me.

Nope. And she’s chosen not to tell us. Based on the information she’s provided, everyone is behaving very strangely.

Why the hell should she?!?? Can they not just write a letter, and leave her alone??

Yeh, shutting the door in someone’s face is really ambiguous isn’t it? 🙄

They are stalking her and refusing to leave her property. They are ON her property, not the street! Trespassing, stalking, casing the house, banging doors and not leaving are crimes and a disorder of the peace! Stop victim-blaming ffs! @Balloonhearts

I assume all of you giving OP a hard time will be advising your daughters that they are to believe anything a stranger says, open their door to strangers, go outside alone and talk to strangers who have been told to leave and that they should do this because if they don't they are being unreasonable.

But people like that insisting on speaking to her directly will think her husband won’t relay it in exactly the right way. By offering them the chance to write it down He can tell them he will pass it on. Whether he does or not is a moot point, but it is a way of offering the chance to speak indirectly and potentially get them to bugger off. It seems a compromise but one on the OPs terms that she does not need to interact with them.

the fact they have come three days in a row and clearly the op does not want to engage with them is of concern.

@Highfivemum do you know any "heavies" who could come round and scare them off?? the legal and polite route does not seem to be working!

They are stalking her and refusing to leave her property. Trespassing, stalking, casing the house, banging doors and not leaving is not going to make anyone want to talk to them. OP's behaviour is NORMAL. She told them to go away, they refuse.

She doesn't have to 'cave' or 'talk to them' or anything she doesn't want to.. at present she has done absolutely nothing though, not told them to go away, not told them to not contact her, nothing.. absolutely zilch..

She doesn't know these people or what they are capable of, all she keeps saying is she doesn't want them as part of her life.. but she doesn't know if that is what they want?? She seems to have assumed what they want and is basing her reaction from that?

Just categorically tell them to go away, you are not now or never will be interested in what they need or want from you.. (by note, email or in person) then ignore and pursue legal channels if they persist.

You can't really pursue legal channels to get someone to stop contacting you if you haven't even told them to stop contacting you.

Failure to deal with something is not adequately dealing with something.

They shouldn’t gave came to your door 3 times, you’ve every right to be upset especially given your past.
now there’s two people refusing to leave I think you actually should call police if you’re feeling threatened in your own home .

@Cosmosforbreakfast don’t forget, women must always be polite and the worst thing that can happen is she be rude: if she does that then strangers are perfectly entitled to stalk and harass her at home til they get what they want.

Women must acquiesce to the demands of strangers at all times, without question.

Again, what is confusing about someone slamming a door in another's face 4 times? What is unclear about that?

So a man is bothering your daughter in a bar. She's ignoring him. Is she in the wrong for not engaging with him?

you can never be too careful in these situations
also its not rude to not talk to them, they are harassing you in your home and they should have taken no for an answer, especially after being spoken to by your husband, they are massively overstepping the lines so don't listen to people telling you should talk to them, you owe them NOTHING

I have a friend who had something similar, he lost his dad and he had some strangers constantly coming to his house insisting they were relatives of his dad and they just wanted to talk, very distressing for him and his mum (he was like 15 at the time)
they ended up being scammers who were praying on the grieving
still affects him he's extremely private about where he lives and doesn't trust many people

i agree with you op somethings are better left in the past.

Yep. And then you get "but why didn't you just ignore them? You opened the line of communication by speaking to them"

Boring AF.

You need to message the police again.

It is a police matter if you have engaged with these people and they are camped outside your home refusing to leave. You aren’t being a nuisance by informing the police that the situation is escalating and ongoing.

She hasn't told them to go away.. that's the problem.

She is just ignoring them in the hope they go away on their own.

Hopes don't equal reality, they obviously think what they have to say is important enough to stick around or if they hang around long enough she will relent..

If she wants them to leave she needs to make it perfectly clear that they could camp out for a fucking week and she still would not be speaking to them.