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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Called the police

880 replies

Highfivemum · 02/04/2025 10:41

Had a person contact me previously stating that we shared the same parent. It could be true as had a very difficult and complicated childhood and one which I don’t want to remember. My DB and I chose to ignore it. Two days ago had a visit from a person stating they were related. I shut the door in their face. It was a huge shock and triggered every bad memory though I understand I should have acted better. Yesterday the door went again and it was a different person who also stated they were family and could they talk. I again shut the door. DH was going to stay at home today but had a meeting he had to go to and as soon as DH left for work the door goes again and it is both of them. I shut the door again and I called the police. I know it is not a police issue but I literally am sitting here shaking. DH is on his way home and DB can’t be contacted as away on business. I feel crazy for calling the police and no idea what they will say to me but I was so worried and panicked. Anyone know what can be done. ? I don’t want to know these people
and have no idea how they have traced me and found out my address. It is a mess and I feel ill with worry.

OP posts:
WongKarCry · 02/04/2025 14:18

AthWat · 02/04/2025 14:16

She doesn't even know who they are. Consider my example of the person telling them their house is on fire. They might have information they think she needs, and they might know for a facts he has no idea about it.

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But they can communicate that information to her without hanging about on her driveway intimidating her, no?

Cloudyvibes · 02/04/2025 14:18

Personally I wouldn’t even bother writing the note now your at this stage. Your DH has told them you want nothing to do with them so they are aware of how you feel.

They are on your property and refusing to leave I would now be logging this with 101 so they have a record of it, they may also be able to send round non emergency police in the area or may be able to advise the emergency police that things have developed more since you phoned them last.

Megifer · 02/04/2025 14:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

What are you even for?

AthWat · 02/04/2025 14:18

Highfivemum · 02/04/2025 14:12

DH went out again to speak with them but they are still refusing to leave. They are actually in our driveway. Not heard from the police and don’t want to keep phoning them. I will not be going out to speak to them. I do not want anything from them and they are not having anything off me or my family. The idea of a note is a good idea and I a writing one so my DH will pass it to them. Basically saying please leave me alone. How they have got my details if indeed they are in some way related is a real concern. Have managed to get hold of DB who is like me not happy.

Are they refusing to tell yuor husband what they want? If so, why?

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 02/04/2025 14:19

Please ring the police again. You need their help if these people are refusing to leave your property.

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 02/04/2025 14:19

Hwi · 02/04/2025 14:11

You are barking up the wrong tree - it is not about restraining orders, it is to make sure they don't or do (?) have a potential claim on their mutual parents' estate! I could jolly well become the OP's real problem if they do.

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I didn’t say anything about restraining orders??? And neither did you 🤔.

If they want something they can get a solicitor to write a letter like a normal person.

They’ve got thick skin, I’ll give them that.

TheGentleOpalMember · 02/04/2025 14:19

Phone 999, @Highfivemum , now. This is very very serious.

Over40Overdating · 02/04/2025 14:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Are you this pathetic about everything in your life @livealittlex or just when you are anonymous? Given you’re doing the online equivalent, you really aren’t making the scathing point you think.

AthWat · 02/04/2025 14:19

WongKarCry · 02/04/2025 14:18

But they can communicate that information to her without hanging about on her driveway intimidating her, no?

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Well things have moved on now and clearly, they could just tell her husband what they have come for. If they won't do that, it is very odd.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 02/04/2025 14:20

AthWat · 02/04/2025 14:16

She doesn't even know who they are. Consider my example of the person telling them their house is on fire. They might have information they think she needs, and they might know for a facts he has no idea about it.

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If they are financially motivated, a slammed door in their face will make little difference to their quest.

AthWat · 02/04/2025 14:21

EquinoxQueen · 02/04/2025 14:05

Things that would really worry me in this situation are how they found you, got your email address and home address. Having watched ConMum I would be also sceptical that they are related without evidence.

if the police attend (which I doubt, but you should call back and update them), you can say that they could write to you via letter if necessary and you will respond if deemed appropriate. Your DH can then read it and relay it to you if he thinks it is appropriate.

you absolutely do not need to engage with these people and do not accept anything without clear evidence.

Her husband is there now. They could just tell him.

Anotherparkingthread · 02/04/2025 14:21

I bet they want an organ.

WongKarCry · 02/04/2025 14:21

AthWat · 02/04/2025 14:19

Well things have moved on now and clearly, they could just tell her husband what they have come for. If they won't do that, it is very odd.

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They should have left the first time and never come back. If it's important, a letter would do it.

Megifer · 02/04/2025 14:21

And yes op I'd have no issue at all with phoning 999 now, id be very worried for my safety. Their behaviour is very concerning

sandyhappypeople · 02/04/2025 14:22

Highfivemum · 02/04/2025 14:12

DH went out again to speak with them but they are still refusing to leave. They are actually in our driveway. Not heard from the police and don’t want to keep phoning them. I will not be going out to speak to them. I do not want anything from them and they are not having anything off me or my family. The idea of a note is a good idea and I a writing one so my DH will pass it to them. Basically saying please leave me alone. How they have got my details if indeed they are in some way related is a real concern. Have managed to get hold of DB who is like me not happy.

I think a note is the best thing, I do believe that you should engage with them in some way to categorically say that you are not interested in anything they have to say, and will not be speaking to them in person. Take a photo of the note and also write things down (dates, times etc), it may be that you have to get a solicitor to deal with them so you will need a timeline of what has happened.

Refusing to deal with them is not a viable solution to this problem, if police won't do anything about it, then they could come round everyday until they talk to you, so you need to do something.

They are in the wrong, but you can't wave a magic wand around to make them disappear from your life if they don't want to.. they are here now so just deal with it and move on.

IHate · 02/04/2025 14:22

You’re all behaving very strangely.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 02/04/2025 14:23

IHate · 02/04/2025 14:22

You’re all behaving very strangely.

You don't know why this has triggered the OP in this way.

Offtobuttonmoontovisitmrspoon · 02/04/2025 14:23

Can your husband ask them to write to you.

FlyingUnicornWings · 02/04/2025 14:23

I’m on the side of call the police now. The sense of entitlement they’re displaying is mind blowing.

Hope you’re ok OP. I’m glad your husband is there with you.

Muffinmam · 02/04/2025 14:23

Highfivemum · 02/04/2025 14:12

DH went out again to speak with them but they are still refusing to leave. They are actually in our driveway. Not heard from the police and don’t want to keep phoning them. I will not be going out to speak to them. I do not want anything from them and they are not having anything off me or my family. The idea of a note is a good idea and I a writing one so my DH will pass it to them. Basically saying please leave me alone. How they have got my details if indeed they are in some way related is a real concern. Have managed to get hold of DB who is like me not happy.

Ring the police and tell them that people are refusing to leave your property - despite being asked to do so.

I’m nosey so I would probably want to know what they want.

Why hasn’t your husband asked what they want?

Whatafustercluck · 02/04/2025 14:23

Knocking on a door isn't illegal. Staying put on someone's property (driveway) when they've told you to leave is. Call the police. Tell them you find their continued presence on your property intimidating.

AthWat · 02/04/2025 14:23

sandyhappypeople · 02/04/2025 14:22

I think a note is the best thing, I do believe that you should engage with them in some way to categorically say that you are not interested in anything they have to say, and will not be speaking to them in person. Take a photo of the note and also write things down (dates, times etc), it may be that you have to get a solicitor to deal with them so you will need a timeline of what has happened.

Refusing to deal with them is not a viable solution to this problem, if police won't do anything about it, then they could come round everyday until they talk to you, so you need to do something.

They are in the wrong, but you can't wave a magic wand around to make them disappear from your life if they don't want to.. they are here now so just deal with it and move on.

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As of now, a note is pointless. The husband needs to say "Tell me what the fuck you want, or fuck off."

purplecorkheart · 02/04/2025 14:25

If you are writing a note make sure that you state that they are not to approach you or your family anywhere. Enter your driveway/property or visit your workplace. That they are not to contact your of your family by any means including mail, electronic means, via social media, whatsapp and similar or by phone. Keep a copy of the note or take a picture of it. Picture your dh giving it to them.

Moonnstars · 02/04/2025 14:25

It seems very strange that they are so insistent on staying despite being told you are not interested and also the fact you have shut the door in their face (so this is very clear).
I don't think it's a 999 situation, your DH is now home with you. But maybe ring back 101 to report them as still on your driveway and refusing to move so at least there is a record.
I know you don't want anything to do with them, but the fact they refuse to leave would intrigue me and I would see if they would tell DH why they are there.

pinkdelight · 02/04/2025 14:25

sandyhappypeople · 02/04/2025 14:22

I think a note is the best thing, I do believe that you should engage with them in some way to categorically say that you are not interested in anything they have to say, and will not be speaking to them in person. Take a photo of the note and also write things down (dates, times etc), it may be that you have to get a solicitor to deal with them so you will need a timeline of what has happened.

Refusing to deal with them is not a viable solution to this problem, if police won't do anything about it, then they could come round everyday until they talk to you, so you need to do something.

They are in the wrong, but you can't wave a magic wand around to make them disappear from your life if they don't want to.. they are here now so just deal with it and move on.

Show quote history

I get that you're trying to be pragmatic but in fact what you're saying is that these strangers' methods of intimidation and intrusion are effective and so they win. Which is not okay. OP never had to give them what they want and that's still the case, even if they come back 100 times. Is your meaning that she has to deal with them now so that they don't end up taking things further? Because that amounts to condoning threatening behaviour. I know you don't mean to, but it's truly disturbing that the onus is on the OP to cave just because they refuse to accept anything but getting their own way and will not leave her alone.