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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Called the police

880 replies

Highfivemum · 02/04/2025 10:41

Had a person contact me previously stating that we shared the same parent. It could be true as had a very difficult and complicated childhood and one which I don’t want to remember. My DB and I chose to ignore it. Two days ago had a visit from a person stating they were related. I shut the door in their face. It was a huge shock and triggered every bad memory though I understand I should have acted better. Yesterday the door went again and it was a different person who also stated they were family and could they talk. I again shut the door. DH was going to stay at home today but had a meeting he had to go to and as soon as DH left for work the door goes again and it is both of them. I shut the door again and I called the police. I know it is not a police issue but I literally am sitting here shaking. DH is on his way home and DB can’t be contacted as away on business. I feel crazy for calling the police and no idea what they will say to me but I was so worried and panicked. Anyone know what can be done. ? I don’t want to know these people
and have no idea how they have traced me and found out my address. It is a mess and I feel ill with worry.

OP posts:
WilfredsPies · 02/04/2025 14:03

The sheer entitlement they’re displaying is breathtaking. They’ve decided they’re going to talk to you and it doesn’t even occur to them that you have a choice in whether or not you want to hear them.

The police could be hours, or even days. Is there any way you could send your DH out there again and tell them that you’ve spoken to him, you want absolutely nothing to do with them and you don’t want to hear what they have to say, and they’ve got two minutes to fuck off before the police get there? Maybe if he gets a bit shouty, they’ll realise they aren’t getting near you today.

But I don’t think they’re going to go away forever. You’re going to have to come up with a long term strategy if your DH can’t get it through to them, even if that means him going and taking their contact details to give to a solicitor with the aim of applying for a restraining order (clearly, I’m not a solicitor, I have no idea whether that’s even possible).

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 02/04/2025 14:04

livealittlex · 02/04/2025 13:59

Lying to the police is a criminal offence. Trespassing is not

What?
Who's lying to the police? And trespass can be a criminal offence if people are refusing to leave.

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 02/04/2025 14:04

Hwi · 02/04/2025 14:00

Speak to your solicitor asap - a person I know is still in the proceedings relating to the estate of her late father. Massive issues from the siblings he did not know about.

How about they get their solicitor to write a letter to OP then?

At the moment it’s got nothing to do with OP and it’s a them problem, whatever it is.

TheGentleOpalMember · 02/04/2025 14:04

ZebedeeDougalFlorence · 02/04/2025 13:55

OP, I would at least hear them out. Your childhood may have been bad but they are not the reason for that. You can just say that and tell them that's why you don't want to be in touch with family, but hear what they have to tell you. As someone who was in a similar (not directly similar) position I think you may one day regret not finding out what they have to say. I know what you mean about the indescribable feelings: there are no words in the English language to describe what you feel when you are confronted by this sort of thing and the way that it destabilises you. But for your sake I think you should hear them out.

No, she owes them nothing.

As other posters said, if it were that serious they could have posted a letter or even done one via a solicitor to contact her.

They have choices other than casing her house, stalking her and banging on her door. They have alternatives that won't disturb and frighten her.

Moonnstars · 02/04/2025 14:04

TheGentleOpalMember · 02/04/2025 14:03

Wtf is wrong with you?!?? She has NO OBLIGATION to speak to strangers that are TRESPASSING ON HER PROPERTY! These people are abusing and harassing her, and stalking her on her property. That is what the police exist for, the keep the peace.

She has told them to GO AWAY. She has NO OBLIGATION to speak to them! @Jollyhockeystickss Your victim-blaming and accusing her of drama, when THEY are the ones stalking, harassing and banging on her doors is fucking disgusting!

She just wants to be left......alone!

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Are they actually on her property though? I think she just said they won't leave and she can see them. I don't know whether it would be seen as harassment and if the police would intervene if they were just sat in their car on a public road not doing anything other than hoping this woman does change her mind and goes out to talk to them.

Jollyhockeystickss · 02/04/2025 14:05

Actually they could get debt collectors as it's a ploy they use so I've been told that they knock on your door to get your name and then they know that you live there, if so they will keep knocking, would explain why there is 2 of them, thinking about it if they were family they would put a note through door

EquinoxQueen · 02/04/2025 14:05

Things that would really worry me in this situation are how they found you, got your email address and home address. Having watched ConMum I would be also sceptical that they are related without evidence.

if the police attend (which I doubt, but you should call back and update them), you can say that they could write to you via letter if necessary and you will respond if deemed appropriate. Your DH can then read it and relay it to you if he thinks it is appropriate.

you absolutely do not need to engage with these people and do not accept anything without clear evidence.

NiceoneSonny · 02/04/2025 14:05

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 02/04/2025 14:01

I can't believe some of the responses on this thread. OP owes them absolutely nothing, she doesn't owe them a minute of her time, let alone her stem cells FFS. Any normal person would realise when the door was slammed in their face they weren't welcome, I do that to JW and even they can take the hint!

Oh, but she owes them something because THEY WANT IT, and she needs to find at least 10 different ways of articulating "no" for them to desist, and even that may not work. This is the thread where all the people who don't understand common human gestures of rejection, consent and boundaries have flocked. Just thank god most of them probably don't have a penis.

CalleOcho · 02/04/2025 14:07

This reply has been deleted

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A drama queen who has had a traumatic past and has no interest in speaking to strangers about it.

A drama queen who just wants to relax and feel safe in her own home without strangers turning up on multiple days and who are now refusing to go away.

A drama queen who has ignored emails, and now ignoring strangers on her doorstep and has now contacted the police because this is now intimidation and harassment.

The police are here FOR situations like this.

Yes, there are also murders, robberies and road traffic collisions that are happening - but that doesn’t mean they can’t be involved with the OP. You do realise the police are here to protect the public in many situations? Including stalking and harassment. There aren’t just here for the immediate life threatening 999 calls you know?

You probably need to speak to the police yourself to get a better understanding of the different types of scenarios they can assist with.

The OP hasn’t created any drama. A person must be really dim and obnoxious to think the OP is the antagoniser in this situation.

Jollyhockeystickss · 02/04/2025 14:07

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 02/04/2025 13:55

Very unkind post.
You clearly have no empathy.

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Don't believe all you read

MarioLink · 02/04/2025 14:08

I don't blame you and in your situation it would be very triggering and scary. If any of my half siblings ever came knocking I would too act out of shock and probably couldn't say anything. It is encroaching on your safe space that you have locked all of it out of. You have my sympathy, I hope they get the strong hints!

Megifer · 02/04/2025 14:09

Jollyhockeystickss · 02/04/2025 14:07

Don't believe all you read

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Take it you've had a door slammed in your face 4 times recently?

If so why are you being so dramatic continuing to make a scene at someone's house who clearly doesn't give a shit about you?

Hwi · 02/04/2025 14:11

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 02/04/2025 14:04

How about they get their solicitor to write a letter to OP then?

At the moment it’s got nothing to do with OP and it’s a them problem, whatever it is.

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You are barking up the wrong tree - it is not about restraining orders, it is to make sure they don't or do (?) have a potential claim on their mutual parents' estate! I could jolly well become the OP's real problem if they do.

HangingOver · 02/04/2025 14:12

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I really disagree with this, or else I'm a drama queen too. I'd climb out an upstairs window rather than see someone who wanted to ask me things about my childhood.

Original poster
Highfivemum · 02/04/2025 14:12

DH went out again to speak with them but they are still refusing to leave. They are actually in our driveway. Not heard from the police and don’t want to keep phoning them. I will not be going out to speak to them. I do not want anything from them and they are not having anything off me or my family. The idea of a note is a good idea and I a writing one so my DH will pass it to them. Basically saying please leave me alone. How they have got my details if indeed they are in some way related is a real concern. Have managed to get hold of DB who is like me not happy.

OP posts:
livealittlex · 02/04/2025 14:13

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Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 02/04/2025 14:14

@Highfivemum - I really think you should tell them that if they insist on getting in touch with you and your DB, that they should only go through solicitors.

TheGentleOpalMember · 02/04/2025 14:15

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What a piece of work you are!

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 02/04/2025 14:16

Please film them, or get DH to, he can tell them to leave, then you have something to show the police or court, if it ends up there. This is definitely a police matter, don’t listen to people here saying it isn’t.

CalleOcho · 02/04/2025 14:16

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Why are you even on this thread if you are going to continue to mock the OP?

You are seriously strange.

SirDanielBrackley · 02/04/2025 14:16

MrsCastle · 02/04/2025 10:53

I’ve put Yabu because you are failing to tell them you don’t want to speak to them

Having a door shut in your face is a pretty fair way of communicating that non-verbally IMO.

AthWat · 02/04/2025 14:16

chakrakkhan · 02/04/2025 12:44

She doesn’t want to talk to them. She doesn’t need to let them tell her what they want.

Show quote history

She doesn't even know who they are. Consider my example of the person telling them their house is on fire. They might have information they think she needs, and they might know for a facts he has no idea about it.

Megifer · 02/04/2025 14:17

Today's a lovely day for your DH to do some jet washing on your driveway isn't it op?

I'd leave the please off the note tbh, they seem like the sort of thick losers who would think it's a request they can decline.

TheGentleOpalMember · 02/04/2025 14:17

Highfivemum · 02/04/2025 14:12

DH went out again to speak with them but they are still refusing to leave. They are actually in our driveway. Not heard from the police and don’t want to keep phoning them. I will not be going out to speak to them. I do not want anything from them and they are not having anything off me or my family. The idea of a note is a good idea and I a writing one so my DH will pass it to them. Basically saying please leave me alone. How they have got my details if indeed they are in some way related is a real concern. Have managed to get hold of DB who is like me not happy.

No, OP you really really need to call the police again and insist that it's urgent. You could be hurt. They could break in somehow. If they're on your property, your driveway, that's against the law. You could be in danger. Your husband can't stay home off work again tomorrow. Call the police now!

SirDanielBrackley · 02/04/2025 14:17

Highfivemum · 02/04/2025 14:12

DH went out again to speak with them but they are still refusing to leave. They are actually in our driveway. Not heard from the police and don’t want to keep phoning them. I will not be going out to speak to them. I do not want anything from them and they are not having anything off me or my family. The idea of a note is a good idea and I a writing one so my DH will pass it to them. Basically saying please leave me alone. How they have got my details if indeed they are in some way related is a real concern. Have managed to get hold of DB who is like me not happy.

Ring the police and keep ringing them. 999 not 101.