Called the police

[Highfivemum]

Had a person contact me previously stating that we shared the same parent. It could be true as had a very difficult and complicated childhood and one which I don’t want to remember. My DB and I chose to ignore it. Two days ago had a visit from a person stating they were related. I shut the door in their face. It was a huge shock and triggered every bad memory though I understand I should have acted better. Yesterday the door went again and it was a different person who also stated they were family and could they talk. I again shut the door. DH was going to stay at home today but had a meeting he had to go to and as soon as DH left for work the door goes again and it is both of them. I shut the door again and I called the police. I know it is not a police issue but I literally am sitting here shaking. DH is on his way home and DB can’t be contacted as away on business. I feel crazy for calling the police and no idea what they will say to me but I was so worried and panicked. Anyone know what can be done. ? I don’t want to know these people
and have no idea how they have traced me and found out my address. It is a mess and I feel ill with worry.

If you tell someone something then you're engaging with them.

The lack of engaging after 5 attempts is surely enough to get the message unless they are completely stupid.

They are trespassing on her property and staying there and not leaving. That IS a crime.

This is exactly what I mean. If you take her behaviour of clearly not engaging to imply that she was in fact open to engaging, then you really don't get consent, and there's not much more anyone can do to spell it out to you.

Have the police attended, OP?

So if someone slammed a door shut in your face 4 times, would you genuinely be unsure as to whether the person wanted to communicate with you? If so, what would it be about the shut door that would be confusing for you? Would it be like a challenge type thing?

Her husband has asked them to go away.

They are refusing to leave.

They knocked on the door several times and the OP has either ignored or closed the door on them.

It is really worrying the amount of people on here who have such little self awareness and seem to need verbal instructions and confirmation for everything.

I can imagine how disturbing this must be for you. These people have now come to your door 3 times in as many days, which I think could constitute harassment. Strange behaviour from them and sounds like they waited go see your husband leave the house before they approached the last time.

However, as others have said, I really need you need to have your husband or DB there with you for moral support to say to them that you are sorry but you want no contact with men and do not want them to come to your home or contact you in any way.

If they persist after that, you would be right to report the harassment to the police but I’m not sure how you’d do that if you do not know the names of the people?

@livealittlex the only shitty person on this thread is you.

OP has zero obligation, moral or otherwise, to anyone, much less people too thick to get the message she doesn’t want to speak to them.

That they have been calculated enough to target her when her husband has left, is a pretty clear indication they aren’t some desperate unfortunates begging for a crumb of stem cell.

And even if they are, OP is not a spare parts factory for strangers.

Stem cell and organ donors give altruistically and without pressure. Anyone using force or harassment in that context should be blacklisted. And before your try your moral high ground nonsense on me, I have had a stem cell transplant and would never have badgered anyone to donating or taken it from someone I’d had to force. Nor would I donate an organ to someone who harassed me for it.

Think about your own morals before you come lecturing others.

Your DH needs to call the police now. Not because they might take a man more seriously 🤷🏻‍♀️ but because they are now ignoring two people who are telling them to leave the property. The police are less likely to be dismissive of two people rather than one. By not leaving they’re harassing you which is a crime. The police might say it is too soon for them to act on the crime so I would appeal to their crime prevention function.

These people are being intimidating. If they have something they really want you to know they could’ve anticipated your reluctance to talk to them and brought a letter to put through your door.

Right? Imagining these posters to see someone shaking their head but then insisting "I need WORDS though"

Just weird, almost like a power thing. "I need to be noticed and acknowledged verbally" really strange.

Very unkind post.
You clearly have no empathy.

OP, I would at least hear them out. Your childhood may have been bad but they are not the reason for that. You can just say that and tell them that's why you don't want to be in touch with family, but hear what they have to tell you. As someone who was in a similar (not directly similar) position I think you may one day regret not finding out what they have to say. I know what you mean about the indescribable feelings: there are no words in the English language to describe what you feel when you are confronted by this sort of thing and the way that it destabilises you. But for your sake I think you should hear them out.

not replying DOES tell them this.

If they were that desperate they would leave a letter clearly stating they’ve got a horrible disease she might also have, or she’s inherited 20p or whatever.

If they want to talk because ‘faaaammmmily’ then OP has communicated that she has zero interest. Shutting the door in someone’s face is a clear communication.

Refusing to leave the driveway/hanging around on the street? Fuck off you weirdo. OP isn’t going to suddenly think ‘oh they’re hanging around acting peculiarly! Let me embrace them into the bosom of my family!’

Just saw your most recent update. Call the police again and say these strangers are intimidating and refusing to leave the front of your property, and that you do not know what their intentions are but feel very threatened. Their behaviour is totally unacceptable. Tell the police you believe there is going to be a breach of the peace as you cannot leave your home, and these people are refusing to leave you alone.

Lying to the police is a criminal offence. Trespassing is not

I think it's fair to assume OP knows herself best and won't necessarily have the same coping or regret levels as you in your different situation. These people have already shown that they don't have OP's best interests at heart either and for the umpteenth time, she doesn't want to and doesn't have to hear them out.

Can you get your DH to ask them to write a letter if they insist they must tell you something, and that he will then take that from them and they must leave as you are not willing to talk to them.
It's then up to you whether you read the letter or let DH read the letter and decide whether the information is that important.

Would you be more comfortable if your husband asked them what they wanted to speak to you about. He could tell you and you could then decide if you wanted to to respond to them and he could convey your answer.i If it’s something you don’t want to respond to he can tell them that and ask them once again to leave. If they won’t leave then contact the police with the update.

Speak to your solicitor asap - a person I know is still in the proceedings relating to the estate of her late father. Massive issues from the siblings he did not know about.

Looks like my suggestion crossed with Moonnstars

I can't believe some of the responses on this thread. OP owes them absolutely nothing, she doesn't owe them a minute of her time, let alone her stem cells FFS. Any normal person would realise when the door was slammed in their face they weren't welcome, I do that to JW and even they can take the hint!

@Highfivemum Could you email them to say that you want no other contact with them. If they are trying so hard to contact you though, maybe say you are happy to let them email you but cannot meet up in person

Wtf is wrong with you?!?? She has NO OBLIGATION to speak to strangers that are TRESPASSING ON HER PROPERTY! These people are abusing and harassing her, and stalking her on her property. That is what the police exist for, the keep the peace.

She has told them to GO AWAY. She has NO OBLIGATION to speak to them! @Jollyhockeystickss Your victim-blaming and accusing her of drama, when THEY are the ones stalking, harassing and banging on her doors is fucking disgusting!

She just wants to be left......alone!