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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Called the police

880 replies

Highfivemum · 02/04/2025 10:41

Had a person contact me previously stating that we shared the same parent. It could be true as had a very difficult and complicated childhood and one which I don’t want to remember. My DB and I chose to ignore it. Two days ago had a visit from a person stating they were related. I shut the door in their face. It was a huge shock and triggered every bad memory though I understand I should have acted better. Yesterday the door went again and it was a different person who also stated they were family and could they talk. I again shut the door. DH was going to stay at home today but had a meeting he had to go to and as soon as DH left for work the door goes again and it is both of them. I shut the door again and I called the police. I know it is not a police issue but I literally am sitting here shaking. DH is on his way home and DB can’t be contacted as away on business. I feel crazy for calling the police and no idea what they will say to me but I was so worried and panicked. Anyone know what can be done. ? I don’t want to know these people
and have no idea how they have traced me and found out my address. It is a mess and I feel ill with worry.

OP posts:
sumor · 02/04/2025 13:30

Highfivemum · 02/04/2025 13:05

DH is now here and has spoken to them outside. They are refusing to leave as they want to speak to me about something. I have no idea what that is. He has told them to go or the police will be called ( still heard nothing from them ) I cannot mention too much detail but I cannot go outside and speak to them. I do not want anyone involved in my past being now involved in my life. It is complicated but I am terrified of what could happen.
They are still outside and not moving so I will wait in the hope the police do call me back.

I'd probably ring the police again - explain that yoru DH has asked them to leave and they are refusing.

They clearly know you don't want to talk to them - and they could write via a solicitor if they really needed to communicate with you.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 02/04/2025 13:30

Swiftie1878 · 02/04/2025 13:28

I was already (up the thread) very supportive of OP, but the quoted post suggests there’s more to this than she’s stated so far.
If she has information that could protect another child, for example, I think she has a duty to share it. That’s all.

Show quote history

No she does not have a duty to share anything. If someone has mistreated her she is in no way responsible for that person’s behaviour in the future, if that’s what you’re getting at.

dramalessllama · 02/04/2025 13:32

They can write a letter. And OP can choose to read it and respond or tear it up and ignore.

livealittlex · 02/04/2025 13:32

CautiousLurker01 · 02/04/2025 13:29

You need to call the police back now. If they are refusing to leave your premises they are both trespassing and you and DH are being intimidated. This should result in your case being upgraded to more urgent and a police car being sent. State that you are afraid as they will not leave despite your DH telling them to.

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Trespassing isn’t a criminal offence. Police wouldn’t bother with that (hence why they’re not coming out)
Could be classed as harassment without violence but only if they come again now her DH has asked them not to

MesmerisingMuon · 02/04/2025 13:32

@Highfivemum I think you're being a little childish and rude.

Just get your OH to give them a piece of paper and pen and ask them to write down what it is that they want to say or discuss.

Your OH can tell them you had a traumatic childhood so do not wish to speak to them directly at the moment.

They can then leave an email address on the paper, and if you're ok with what they want to discuss, then you will contact them.

They can then go away, and you can read what it is they want and decide whether you want to talk to them.

Slamming the door in their face was rude.

Cherrysoup · 02/04/2025 13:32

CautiousLurker01 · 02/04/2025 13:29

You need to call the police back now. If they are refusing to leave your premises they are both trespassing and you and DH are being intimidated. This should result in your case being upgraded to more urgent and a police car being sent. State that you are afraid as they will not leave despite your DH telling them to.

Show quote history

Trespassing is a civil affair, unfortunately, but if the OP is feeling harassed and intimidated (dare I say she is!) then she is absolutely within her rights to call the police. Believe me, they are called for much less concerning issues.

nomas · 02/04/2025 13:33

Highfivemum · 02/04/2025 11:11

i can see them outside. They are just hovering around our drive. I literally cannot begin to describe the feeling I have inside. DH is three mins away and will wait till he appears. Thank you for your replies

I would stop opening the door to them.

QueenOfHiraeth · 02/04/2025 13:33

Could your DH ask them to put anything they have to say in writing and post it to him? Just might be a way to get rid of them and also to get contact details if you do have to involve the Police going forward

pinkdelight · 02/04/2025 13:33

livealittlex · 02/04/2025 13:27

They don’t know about her vulnerability. They’ve just been told she doesn’t want to talk?

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Doesn't take a genius to work out a woman in a house hiding from you is vulnerable.

Riversidegirl · 02/04/2025 13:35

The door knockers have triggered post traumatic stress in the OP. This is a horrible thing to experience. A letter of full explanation of their needs would have been kinder.

livealittlex · 02/04/2025 13:36

pinkdelight · 02/04/2025 13:33

Doesn't take a genius to work out a woman in a house hiding from you is vulnerable.

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Probably just think she’s a strange women peeking through the blinds at them

ArtTheClown · 02/04/2025 13:36

You can definitely spot the people with no empathy on this thread. Even if you yourself didn't have a difficult background, it can't be beyond you to see that not only are you likely living with major trauma, but having people from that time turn up at your home is going to be a major trigger?

All the nice little middle-class fantasy explanations about genetic illnesses and inheritences - total bubble, seriously.

OP isn't rude, or childish. She owes these people nothing. And she's right as they've started by completely overstepping her boundaries.

PsychoHotSauce · 02/04/2025 13:36

Jellyfishcoolimg · 02/04/2025 13:07

I'm a reasonable person and it doesn't mean that to me.

As a reasonable person I would hear them out on the doorstep.

It could be important. It could be an inheritance. It could be an inherited disease.

It could, as OP said she had a traumatic childhood, be someone that is reporting historic abuse to the Police and the Police have asked if there are other possible victims.

That happened to me though I was in contact with the other abuse victims who decided not to support my report because of how it would effect their family relationships. Which was a kick in the teeth no matter how I understood where they were coming from .

Fact is, OP doesn't know and even if she wouldn't want to hear them out, she can just make it clear she doesn't care what they have to say and ask them to stop contacting her.

Then if they persist she can possibly make a case for harassment.

Till then, she's not got a case and is potentially causing anxiety and distress to other people who have no idea why she's reacting the way she is. Or are making false assumptions based on her behaviour.

Show quote history

It could be important. It could be an inheritance. It could be an inherited disease.

then put a fucking note through the door and LEAVE.

SquirrelRed · 02/04/2025 13:37

I would ask DH to speak to them again and tell them to either let him know what they want or to write a letter (which of course you don't have to read). Let them know if they do not leave after that, that you will be phoning the police and I absolutely would call them again, don't wait for them to phone you back.

CautiousLurker01 · 02/04/2025 13:37

livealittlex · 02/04/2025 13:32

Trespassing isn’t a criminal offence. Police wouldn’t bother with that (hence why they’re not coming out)
Could be classed as harassment without violence but only if they come again now her DH has asked them not to

Show quote history

No, it’s a civil offence. However, intimidation is a criminal offence and, when accompanied by trespass the trespass will also be taken into account. They are intimidating both OP and her husband. If she is afraid of them, and she states that she is [for all we know there was violence, SA, criminal gang associations with the former family she is choosing to dissociate with, but which OP is not obliged to share here] then the police absolutely have a responsibility to respond to her 999 call.

CalleOcho · 02/04/2025 13:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

OP is a shitty person?

Dear, you are PROJECTING your experiences onto the OP in a bid to try and make her feel guilty.

That’s absolutely disgusting from you. You should be embarrassed to have written this post.

The OP doesn’t have to speak to these people. Especially since they are now refusing to leave from the street outside her home. What kind of freak thinks this behaviour is acceptable?

Not knowing family members may be traumatic for you. But that doesn’t give you to right to dictate to the OP that she’s a “shitty” person for not wanting to speak to these strangers who have tuned up at her doorstep uninvited and unannounced.

Seriously, where the hell is your self awareness?

ArtTheClown · 02/04/2025 13:39

Having spoke to them I realised they weren’t actually related to me but my half-siblings.

I'm confused by this. Half-siblings are related to you.

TheGentleOpalMember · 02/04/2025 13:40

livealittlex · 02/04/2025 13:36

Probably just think she’s a strange women peeking through the blinds at them

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Wtf? They are strange harassers and stalkers peaking on her property!

godmum56 · 02/04/2025 13:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

they had no right, these people have no right, you made your choice, the OP is entitled to make hers.

PsychoHotSauce · 02/04/2025 13:41

ArtTheClown · 02/04/2025 13:39

Having spoke to them I realised they weren’t actually related to me but my half-siblings.

I'm confused by this. Half-siblings are related to you.

Must have been on the 'other half' of the family. Me and my half sisters share the same dad. So in this example it would be my half sisters mother's side of the family.

cardibach · 02/04/2025 13:41

ArtTheClown · 02/04/2025 13:39

Having spoke to them I realised they weren’t actually related to me but my half-siblings.

I'm confused by this. Half-siblings are related to you.

It means they weren’t related to her but were related to the half siblings via the half that is nothing to do with her, I imagine.

MirrorMirror70 · 02/04/2025 13:41

Further to your last update, I’d call the police again OP and say they are refusing to leave despite being told to.

You clearly don’t want to share details of your childhood here, and that’s fine - but if your reasons for not wanting to speak to these people are due to fear of dangerous or abusive people from your past finding you and causing you harm, you absolutely need to share this with the police.

pinkdelight · 02/04/2025 13:42

livealittlex · 02/04/2025 13:36

Probably just think she’s a strange women peeking through the blinds at them

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Eesh, I'm starting to see why we still have such issues with consent, given some people's inability to get the message. She doesn't want to engage with them. She doesn't have to engage with them. Why are they still convinced she has to?

livealittlex · 02/04/2025 13:46

pinkdelight · 02/04/2025 13:42

Eesh, I'm starting to see why we still have such issues with consent, given some people's inability to get the message. She doesn't want to engage with them. She doesn't have to engage with them. Why are they still convinced she has to?

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Why did it take her several months to tell them this?

MyDeftDuck · 02/04/2025 13:47

Can't see the police doing anything to be honest as no crime has been committed and it is not as though they are standing there hammering on the door and demanding to be let in is it?
If they knock on again just tell them firmly and politely that you do NOT want to talk to them and please will they go away........sorted!

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