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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Called the police

880 replies

Highfivemum · 02/04/2025 10:41

Had a person contact me previously stating that we shared the same parent. It could be true as had a very difficult and complicated childhood and one which I don’t want to remember. My DB and I chose to ignore it. Two days ago had a visit from a person stating they were related. I shut the door in their face. It was a huge shock and triggered every bad memory though I understand I should have acted better. Yesterday the door went again and it was a different person who also stated they were family and could they talk. I again shut the door. DH was going to stay at home today but had a meeting he had to go to and as soon as DH left for work the door goes again and it is both of them. I shut the door again and I called the police. I know it is not a police issue but I literally am sitting here shaking. DH is on his way home and DB can’t be contacted as away on business. I feel crazy for calling the police and no idea what they will say to me but I was so worried and panicked. Anyone know what can be done. ? I don’t want to know these people
and have no idea how they have traced me and found out my address. It is a mess and I feel ill with worry.

OP posts:
Megifer · 02/04/2025 13:20

Bogginsthe3rd · 02/04/2025 13:16

Now DH has told them to go I'm in complete agreement. They need to write to OP. Door slamming is a mixed message.

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Yea, I always get confused when a door slams in my face 4 times. Is it a joke? Does the person like the noise? So many mixed messages.....

Swiftie1878 · 02/04/2025 13:20

Highfivemum · 02/04/2025 13:05

DH is now here and has spoken to them outside. They are refusing to leave as they want to speak to me about something. I have no idea what that is. He has told them to go or the police will be called ( still heard nothing from them ) I cannot mention too much detail but I cannot go outside and speak to them. I do not want anyone involved in my past being now involved in my life. It is complicated but I am terrified of what could happen.
They are still outside and not moving so I will wait in the hope the police do call me back.

This sounds slightly more serious than just not wanting to rake over old stories.
Do you know things that they may need to also know, if they are family, perhaps have kids etc?
Please don’t leave them vulnerable to something you could help them avoid if they had information you have.

pinkdelight · 02/04/2025 13:21

Door slamming is a mixed message.

To idiots maybe. For anyone of sound mind, it's pretty unequivocal.

LillylollyAndy · 02/04/2025 13:21

I don’t know what happened in your childhood or who did what but if you don’t know these people then they didn’t do anything to you . They may have had a difficult childhood as well or may be surprised that you had one. It may change how they see their relatives if they don’t know.

Conniebygaslight · 02/04/2025 13:21

This is so out of order OP- how bloody dreadful of them. So glad your DH is there.

livealittlex · 02/04/2025 13:23

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saraclara · 02/04/2025 13:24

Why can they not tell your DH what it's about?

I'd call the police back, frankly. They're refusing to leave and it's now harassment.

DoYouReally · 02/04/2025 13:24

These roles have multiple other options - tell your husband, write, email, solicitor etc.

While I wouldn't have called the police, they are wrong no matter what they have to tell you.

I hope everything works out for you.

pinkdelight · 02/04/2025 13:24

Swiftie1878 · 02/04/2025 13:20

This sounds slightly more serious than just not wanting to rake over old stories.
Do you know things that they may need to also know, if they are family, perhaps have kids etc?
Please don’t leave them vulnerable to something you could help them avoid if they had information you have.

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Once again, OP is not responsible for these people. They clearly don't give two shits about her vulnerability so I don't know where the hand-wringing for them is coming from.

CakeFace1234 · 02/04/2025 13:25

You poor thing - no wonder you are distressed.

I would be concerned about how they had obtained my address, why they turned up, when they could have written, and not least - that they might take it even further by loudly airing why they wanted to speak with you.

I hope they leave soon. You must be so shaken.

Cloudyvibes · 02/04/2025 13:25

They have been asked to leave and haven’t which is now harassment.

Have you got local community police in the area that you could contact and explain. They may be able to pop along quicker than the actual police and have a word with them and warn them they need to leave now.

MzHz · 02/04/2025 13:25

livealittlex · 02/04/2025 13:13

OP has a moral obligation. We all had bad childhoods but wouldn’t act like this. OP’s response is very bizarre and selfish here. There is clearly a reason they need to talk.

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and there is a reason (many) why she does NOT want to

no such thing as moral obligation. nobody is ever obliged to do anything for anyone that they don't want to

saraclara · 02/04/2025 13:25

OP is a shitty person for not hearing someone out who may desperately need treatment to live

She's not, and if it was something that serious, then they'd tell her husband or leave a note.

Megifer · 02/04/2025 13:25

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If they need treatment to live how can op help, could she operate do you think?

Elunajeya · 02/04/2025 13:25

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It’s nothing to do with OP, if she doesn’t want anything to do with them. No one has the right to impose themselves on anyone else, it’s irrelevant what’s driving it from their side. How dare anyone force their trauma on someone else, when it’s clearly upsetting the other person.

Gerrysmum · 02/04/2025 13:25

OP I dont think you're being unreasonable. In your situation I would have behaved in the same way. I had a difficult childhood and young adulthood. If I had unknown people repeatedly knocking on the door who I believed were linked to that time in my life, I would be having a full blown panic attack. Random unexpected people (not delivery drivers/obvious sellers) even looking in my front windows freaks me out. I also think you were right to call the police, you have no idea what their intentions are. The fact they aren't leaving after your DH told them to is also concerning.

Hopefully the Police will be in contact soon and the people leave you alone. Take care of yourself OP

livealittlex · 02/04/2025 13:27

pinkdelight · 02/04/2025 13:24

Once again, OP is not responsible for these people. They clearly don't give two shits about her vulnerability so I don't know where the hand-wringing for them is coming from.

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They don’t know about her vulnerability. They’ve just been told she doesn’t want to talk?

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 02/04/2025 13:27

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She is not a shitty person, she’s terrified! They are massively out of order harassing her like this. Nice that you were able to provide information to someone who contacted you, but you were in no way obliged to do so.

dramalessllama · 02/04/2025 13:27

Not OP's responsibility to help them navigate their own issues, assuming that's why they're there. The reason doesn't matter. Nothing about them is OP's responsibility.

Swiftie1878 · 02/04/2025 13:28

pinkdelight · 02/04/2025 13:24

Once again, OP is not responsible for these people. They clearly don't give two shits about her vulnerability so I don't know where the hand-wringing for them is coming from.

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I was already (up the thread) very supportive of OP, but the quoted post suggests there’s more to this than she’s stated so far.
If she has information that could protect another child, for example, I think she has a duty to share it. That’s all.

TheGentleOpalMember · 02/04/2025 13:28

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Is there something wrong with you? This is clearly a scam! And OP owes them nothing, they owe her to get the fuck off her property and leave her the fuck alone. They are stalkers and are harassing her. If these lowlifes had an ounce of decency they'd go away and respect it. OP needs to try to get some sort of restraining order against these shitty lowlifes.

Oh, and half siblings are literally related to you. That is why they're called siblings.

Elunajeya · 02/04/2025 13:28

livealittlex · 02/04/2025 13:27

They don’t know about her vulnerability. They’ve just been told she doesn’t want to talk?

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They know she doesn’t want to talk to them. That’s enough. They don’t need to understand why. They are not owed an explanation, or time to talk, or anything at all.

And since you’ve decided it’s a medical issue, even if OP was an exact match for the stem cells of their dying child, there would still be absolutely zero moral, ethical or legal obligations for her to get involved.

ArtTheClown · 02/04/2025 13:29

OP has a moral obligation. We all had bad childhoods but wouldn’t act like this. OP’s response is very bizarre and selfish here. There is clearly a reason they need to talk.

She definitely has no obligation whatseover to these strangers. She's completely entitled to draw whatever boundaries she wishes to protect her peace of mind.

CautiousLurker01 · 02/04/2025 13:29

Highfivemum · 02/04/2025 13:05

DH is now here and has spoken to them outside. They are refusing to leave as they want to speak to me about something. I have no idea what that is. He has told them to go or the police will be called ( still heard nothing from them ) I cannot mention too much detail but I cannot go outside and speak to them. I do not want anyone involved in my past being now involved in my life. It is complicated but I am terrified of what could happen.
They are still outside and not moving so I will wait in the hope the police do call me back.

You need to call the police back now. If they are refusing to leave your premises they are both trespassing and you and DH are being intimidated. This should result in your case being upgraded to more urgent and a police car being sent. State that you are afraid as they will not leave despite your DH telling them to.

pinkdelight · 02/04/2025 13:30

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I don't know - and don't want to know - my bio father and if any unknown family members reached out to me, I wouldn't want to know them either. I have my life in place and don't need it upending by someone else's quest for identity. OP is not a shitty person for not being like you. This 'desperately need treatment' tale is a fantasy in your head and even if it were real, it's no business of the OP's any more than the hospitals full of ill strangers desperately needing treatment are. You made your own choices and the OP is just as correct to make her own. Yours doesn't make you a better person or make her a shitty one.