Called the police

[Highfivemum]

Had a person contact me previously stating that we shared the same parent. It could be true as had a very difficult and complicated childhood and one which I don’t want to remember. My DB and I chose to ignore it. Two days ago had a visit from a person stating they were related. I shut the door in their face. It was a huge shock and triggered every bad memory though I understand I should have acted better. Yesterday the door went again and it was a different person who also stated they were family and could they talk. I again shut the door. DH was going to stay at home today but had a meeting he had to go to and as soon as DH left for work the door goes again and it is both of them. I shut the door again and I called the police. I know it is not a police issue but I literally am sitting here shaking. DH is on his way home and DB can’t be contacted as away on business. I feel crazy for calling the police and no idea what they will say to me but I was so worried and panicked. Anyone know what can be done. ? I don’t want to know these people
and have no idea how they have traced me and found out my address. It is a mess and I feel ill with worry.

Somethings definitely up here, there is absolutely NOTHING they could tell you that they couldn't first tell your DH, so this 'they can only talk to you about it' he needs to forcefully insist they tell him what it is about or fuck off immediately.

Can you write a note out OP explaining that you will not be talking to them, you have no interest in anything they have to say so they either tell your DH and he will relay what he thinks is appropriate or they need to leave immediately.

I do not want anyone involved in my past being now involved in my life.

They are involved now OP because they are willing to turn up at your door to try and get you alone, you need to deal with this now and stop hiding from it, the police will not do anything realistically, so you and DH need to get rid between you.

Could it be related to an inheritance?

Edit- sorry that's silly - you'd be contacted by a solicitor in that case.

This is definitely getting into harassment territory. The police should come and talk to them.

Putting this as gently as I possibly can, I thinks it’s possible this person also has bad childhood experiences and is looking for mutual support and/or someone to provide evidence. You are not in any way obliged to talk to them though. Make sure you get their car reg. and if your DH can get a photo of them without aggravating them that might be helpful. Have you got any cameras on the door or anything like that?

This must be stirring up all sorts of bad feelings. I’m sorry this is happening to you. I’m glad you’ve got a supportive DH with you.

Of course she doesn't have to hear them out. She doesn't want to know what they have to say - and certainly doesn't owe them her stem cells ffs!

They are refusing to leave as they want to speak to me about something.

This is where they are being completely unreasonable. Their want to speak to OP does not overrule her want to not engage with them. They need to back off.

OP has a moral obligation. We all had bad childhoods but wouldn’t act like this. OP’s response is very bizarre and selfish here. There is clearly a reason they need to talk.

She really, really doesn't. Not even a tiny bit of an obligation, moral or otherwise.

She damn well does not have a moral obligation.
Dear bloody god

@Bogginsthe3rd@Jellyfishcoolimgthe simple answer is that they need to write. There is no justification for continuing to upset someone quite clearly distressed

Respectfully, I disagree. OP owes them nothing. Clearly there’s a lot in the past that needs to stay there. Anything that is critical for OP to know could be disclosed to DH & passed on, or written in a note and given to DH to be passed on.
Again, OP owes them nothing.

There is clearly a reason they need to talk.

That is their reason though & Op doesn't have to hear it.

Who cares what they want. It’s utterly irrelevant what they want. OP does not have to listen.

Now DH has told them to go I'm in complete agreement. They need to write to OP. Door slamming is a mixed message.

No she doesn’t. She’s clearly suffered trauma, and is now suffering more trauma at the hands of these supposed relatives. They have a moral obligation to fuck off and leave her alone. You can’t demand someone’s attention like this, they have no right whatsoever .

That isn’t the OPs responsibility.

Tbh i would call the police back if they are refusing to leave. They've been told no. There's also the worry they may come back tomorrow when youR H is not here

They can write to you if they need to give you information.

She has no moral obligation she doesn't have to speak to these people at all.

You only think that because you are nosey and want to know what they want and for it to play out here as a MN drama.

Why are you so keen to empathise with these guys as opposed to the OP? She knows what she can cope with and she's set her boundaries very clearly. She doesn't have to dismantle them for anyone let alone these randoms who have repeatedly intruded on her well-being. We haven't 'all had bad childhoods' but it's possible to empathise with OP and understand she's not being bizarre. She was going about her day living her normal life and it's these guys who've broken into that and won't leave her alone. They won't even tell her DH what the issue is and are insisting on talking to the OP when they know she doesn't want to. It's their selfishness that's driving this and OP has zero moral obligation to facilitate it.

OP, you don't have any responsibility to these people, at all.
You don't have to read their messages or mail, you don't have to answer the door to them.
They are harrassing you so you are right to have contacted the police.

People assume all sorts of ridiculous things. A man came up to me in Asda (I know, I know, I should shop somewhere more upmarket but it's about 40 miles to the nearest Waitrose) and said he knew my mum and could be my father! Look, old man, I don't care if you shagged my mum, you're not my dad. Fortunately, I've been interested in family history for a long time and my dad and I were both dna tested - he was definitely my dad. I told the man that, but he still tries to claim paternity. Fuck off, old bloke. You're nothing to do with me.

the fact that they aren't buggering off despite your DH telling them you don't want to speak to them is worrying. Call the police again. I mean, it could be deemed as a breach of the peace if they swear, incite fear or follow you, for example but hopefully it won't get to that!

If this was me my husband would just ask them to tell him what they want to talk to you about and then if he thought it was something I would want to know he would tell me. Can your husband do that?

Make another call to the police and tell them it's URGENT. Don't wait for them to call you back, you may be waiting til tomorrow morning. Tell them you are in fear of your life, they are casing your house and refusing to leave, and you need police help right now!.

If it it's something important, I think I would want to know. Could your DH speak to them as an intermediary and try and find out what is going on so you don't have to be directly involved?

I think shutting the door in their face prior to their joint visit was a good indication she don't want to talk to them