Called the police

[Highfivemum]

Had a person contact me previously stating that we shared the same parent. It could be true as had a very difficult and complicated childhood and one which I don’t want to remember. My DB and I chose to ignore it. Two days ago had a visit from a person stating they were related. I shut the door in their face. It was a huge shock and triggered every bad memory though I understand I should have acted better. Yesterday the door went again and it was a different person who also stated they were family and could they talk. I again shut the door. DH was going to stay at home today but had a meeting he had to go to and as soon as DH left for work the door goes again and it is both of them. I shut the door again and I called the police. I know it is not a police issue but I literally am sitting here shaking. DH is on his way home and DB can’t be contacted as away on business. I feel crazy for calling the police and no idea what they will say to me but I was so worried and panicked. Anyone know what can be done. ? I don’t want to know these people
and have no idea how they have traced me and found out my address. It is a mess and I feel ill with worry.

It's been 5 lots of unwanted contact now.

Op doesn't have to say a word to them. Shutting the door in their face speaks louder than words, which will likely just make them think "ha now she's engaging at least"

People need to stop making op out to be the U one here. She's perfectly entitled to shut her own door, not speak to these people, and call the police if she wants. I'm sure they will inform op if it's not a police matter.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. It’s probably not a police matter, but you’re clearly badly shaken by it and it’s understandable that you freaked out. The police may not be able to offer to do anything, but I’d expect them to understand. If you still have the email the you could reply to it simply stating that you do not wish to be contacted. You don’t owe them an explanation. If they keep trying to contact you then there will be a point where it becomes harassment at which point the police will be able to speak to them I think. You’re a long way off that though. I do advise telling them you don’t want to be contacted though as I believe that’s probably the quickest way to get them to leave you alone.

Well if I thought my lost sibling lived there, yes I probably wouldn't take one door slam to dictate the rest of my life tbf. Might be worth thinking about the situation from the other point of view going forward.

Oh hang on, just reread your post more carefully. The fact that they waited for your DH to leave and then tried again, and continued to hang around outside your house, might actually be a police matter. That’s pretty scary.

DH is now here and has spoken to them outside. They are refusing to leave as they want to speak to me about something. I have no idea what that is. He has told them to go or the police will be called ( still heard nothing from them ) I cannot mention too much detail but I cannot go outside and speak to them. I do not want anyone involved in my past being now involved in my life. It is complicated but I am terrified of what could happen.
They are still outside and not moving so I will wait in the hope the police do call me back.

Why would you think they would need to get to know you, just because you do?

Call them again OP.

What about three door slams?

If DH has conveyed your wishes I think no further input needed. I suspect the police will have limited power to remove them from public land (outside) sadly.

OP doesn’t owe them anything. A door slammed in your face makes it perfectly clear that you are not welcome. People are allowed to say no to you.

I'm a reasonable person and it doesn't mean that to me.

As a reasonable person I would hear them out on the doorstep.

It could be important. It could be an inheritance. It could be an inherited disease.

It could, as OP said she had a traumatic childhood, be someone that is reporting historic abuse to the Police and the Police have asked if there are other possible victims.

That happened to me though I was in contact with the other abuse victims who decided not to support my report because of how it would effect their family relationships. Which was a kick in the teeth no matter how I understood where they were coming from .

Fact is, OP doesn't know and even if she wouldn't want to hear them out, she can just make it clear she doesn't care what they have to say and ask them to stop contacting her.

Then if they persist she can possibly make a case for harassment.

Till then, she's not got a case and is potentially causing anxiety and distress to other people who have no idea why she's reacting the way she is. Or are making false assumptions based on her behaviour.

oh @Highfivemum thank god your DH is there, but them refusing to leave IS a police matter - call them again, tell the police that they are outside, refusing to leave and you are scared.

I called the police on my own mother and her revolting H, they came out. this is unacceptable behaviour and they do not have a right to demand to speak to you

If the matter is so pressing for them, why can’t they tell your DH, or write it to you? It is incredibly bizarre they won’t take no for an answer. I hope everything works out for the best in the end!

Who cares if it's legally harassment or not or if they broke the law or not. That's for the police to decide. OP called them because she is a woman alone at home who is alarmed by strangers repeatedly coming to her door and loitering. Yes, it could have been handled differently, but she's not done anything wrong.

Can you just not tell them you don’t want to speak to them and you want no further contact.

Windy day? I mean many people react with shock when lost relatives re enter lives, and then change their minds, so the key thing is to communicate you don't want to and won't speak with them and perhaps allow only a letter.

i'd say it could be classed as the beginnings of stalking and harrassement. how did these people get your address? and they keep showing up at your door uninvited causing alarm and distress.

i understand why the police have not come out immediately and you may find you are offered an appointment to discuss this as these persons are not currently present at your door.

do you know who these people are? names? addresses? contact telephone numbers to be able to give to the police?

edited.. i see they are still there? i assume they are not being aggressive, is there any reason why your DH cannot speak to them on your behalf and ask them what they want?

i suspect there is a massive drip feed here you are not sharing which would explain a lot.

You are not that reasonable then.

Any reasonable person would leave, and if they really need to impart important information, they would write.

It's not reasonable to lurk outside someone's house when they ate clearly not wanted there. It's just not.

I guess it depends on what they want to communicate, and how they’re thinking. If you look at it from their point of view they sent an email/message and got no response; they assume OP didn’t receive it, so go round to her house in person to check they have the right person and to communicate with her; before they can speak, the door is slammed in their face so they assume OP didn’t realise who they are, thought they were selling something, or was in shock, so they feel they have to try again.

Yes, they’ve gone about this the wrong way, but so has OP. If OP had replied to the original message, they probably wouldn’t have turned up at her house.

This could be a person that needs stem cell transplant or are telling you about a genetic condition. you need to hear them out.
i also pressed YABU as you didn’t tell them you’re not interested

I think you should call the police again and request someone come out if these people won’t move.

I'd phone the police again now op if they are refusing to leave.

Have you got a dog? I'd be introducing my bull breed to them at this point (very barky and scary looking but that's all)

I'd guess, if the OPs background is as bad as she's alluding to, that it's not about stem cells or inheritences, and their refusing to take no for an answer and leave confirms that.

Op does NOT need to hear them out.

I also think that on reflection OP, you should hear / read via letter what they want to say. It could be very important to them or you.