Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dd(12) teacher irresponsible/put her at risk

299 replies

hereslooking · 01/04/2025 20:04

Want to gauge reactions on if I’m being unreasonable regarding incident with Dd(12) and teachers response and what I should expect to happen.

At lunch there were some older boys outside where her and her friends were and one of them threw anothers bag up on to the roof of an outbuilding. DD ended up volunteering to be lifted her up onto the roof to get the bag off and when she was up there a teacher walked past and saw.

She was asked who helped her up and she lied and said that she climbed up on her own to avoid getting the boy in trouble as well. She obviously told how dangerous and stupid it was to be up there and if she fell how she could end up seriously hurt. All the boys offered to help her down safely and dd said that she did want want help/ didn’t want to jump on her own.

The teacher then made all the other kids leave and said she was waiting there untill dd got herself down, which she did and managed to not hurt herself.

Dd was expecting to be given a detention or something or to called out of class and spoken to further all afternoon but nothing happened.

AIBU to be annoyed? I think the teacher handled this terribly and was irresponsible to force dd to jump down

OP posts:
MentallyDatingDaveGrohl · 01/04/2025 20:08

If she hadn’t lied they wouldn’t have made her get down alone.
They were obviously proving a point, if she’d fessed up she’d have been helped down. She suffered the consequences of her own actions and no harm done.
Be annoyed at her for telling lies.

BakelikeBertha · 01/04/2025 20:09

It sounds really weird to me that a teacher should insist your DD got down on her own, when there were bigger lads there who were prepared to help her. Even if she had got up there on her own, as she told the teacher, she still might not have been able to get down again safely without help. I wouldn't be happy in your shoes, but as your DD didn't hurt herself, as long as nothing further comes of it, I think I'd probably let it go.

Merrygoround8 · 01/04/2025 20:10

I don’t think it’s ideal but I think the bigger point is your DD needs to take responsibility for conducting her own assessments of risk, and not climb on roofs and then lie about it.

Annascaul · 01/04/2025 20:10

She was hoist with her own petard!
She lied, they called her bluff 🤷🏻‍♀️

AliBaliBee1234 · 01/04/2025 20:10

Could it be that they didn't want the boys to risk hurting themselves?

CowTown · 01/04/2025 20:11

Perhaps because DD lied and said she got up on her own, the teacher believed her and thought, “If she got up there on her own, she’s capable of getting herself down—it’ll be dangerous to get these other kids involved, and they could drop her.”

If DD had told the truth, the teacher would have known that she needed help to get down, and would have arranged for someone other than pupils to get her down.

ilovesooty · 01/04/2025 20:11

She put herself at risk. Tell her not to climb on the roof and lie about it.

Jelly0naplate · 01/04/2025 20:12

Your daughter agreed to do something stupid and dangerous and then lied about it when caught by the teacher.

the teacher probably didn't want the boys to help incase of a misplaced hand and to avoid anyone being accused of anything.

She said she got up there herself so the teacher thought she could get down by herself.

I don't think the blame sits with the teacher

Hercisback1 · 01/04/2025 20:12

She lied. That's the issue here.

ExtraOnions · 01/04/2025 20:13

So DD climbs on a roof she’s not supposed to be on, lies to a teacher, and then get’s herself down … and the one you are annoyed at is the teacher?

Had the Teacher allowed the boys to help, and she had been hurt - then I suppose that would also be the Teachers fault

It’s Parents like you that make it hard for Schools to instill discipline … raising your Children with zero accountability.

WaffleParty · 01/04/2025 20:13

She lied. She got herself into a sticky situation but she got down and she’s fine.
I’m really failing to see how this is the fault of anyone but your DD.
Lesson learned for her hopefully.

FortyElephants · 01/04/2025 20:14

They probably didn't want to risk any of the other kids getting hurt helping her down.

Original poster
hereslooking · 01/04/2025 20:14

I get that dd was stupid for both getting up there and then lying about it and happy for her to be punished appropriately.

but its the fact that the teacher acknowledged how dangerous it is and how she could get seriously hurt + Dd said she wanted to help getting down and didn’t feel safe jumping.

glad she’s fine but what would have happening if she’d fell and teacher had forced her to jump even though she said she didn’t want to.

OP posts:
ForeverPombear · 01/04/2025 20:15

You should definitely have a chat with your daughter about the lying.

NorthernGirlie · 01/04/2025 20:15

At no point in teacher training do they tell you you have to deal with this shit and then deal with batshit patents on top of it!

You're right op, the teacher should have rang the fire brigade / knitted her a parachute / carried her down on a silk pillow... I'm desperate to hear your solution

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 01/04/2025 20:15

Your dd lied and said she got up on her own, so it was reasonable to assume she could get down. The teacher probably didn't want to risk anyone else getting hurt trying to get her down. I imagine if your child got hurt having been directed by a teacher to help a kid who had idiotically climbed on top of an outbuilding, you'd be pretty unimpressed.

Essentially your dd did something stupid and dangerous and lied about it, but as usual it's the teacher's fault...

UpUpUpU · 01/04/2025 20:16

hereslooking · 01/04/2025 20:14

I get that dd was stupid for both getting up there and then lying about it and happy for her to be punished appropriately.

but its the fact that the teacher acknowledged how dangerous it is and how she could get seriously hurt + Dd said she wanted to help getting down and didn’t feel safe jumping.

glad she’s fine but what would have happening if she’d fell and teacher had forced her to jump even though she said she didn’t want to.

It didnt happen so there is no need to worry about it.

I would be more concerned about teaching your daughter not to go along with what boys/men want if she isn't happy to do it.

thistimelastweek · 01/04/2025 20:16

FFS.

Offtobuttonmoontovisitmrspoon · 01/04/2025 20:16

Your anger is misplaced. The only person putting your daughter at risk and being irresponsible was your daughter

ILoveLeopard245 · 01/04/2025 20:17

Generally if child climbs up something - like a tree- it is safer to allow them to come down themselves rather than lift them down or rely on other children. That is more dangerous- so probably why the staff member removed the audience and spot checked her coming down. They obviously also thought she had gotten up there on her own.
How high was this building that she managed to get up? Children need opportunity to self assess risk and she clearly felt it was safe and appropriate for her to get up there and got down without hurting herself.
I think I would be more annoyed that your child thought going on the roof was the best course of action in the first place and then went on to tell lies about it. If your child had launched herself off a very high building at the teacher’s instruction and injured herself then there would be a case for being upset at the school.

Pricelessadvice · 01/04/2025 20:17

If you don’t want your daughter in unsafe situations, tell her not to do stupid things like climb onto a roof and then lie about it.

Another teacher being blamed for a child’s poor behaviour I see.

Sevenandahalf · 01/04/2025 20:18

The teacher probably just didn't think it through. I can't believe you're blaming them over being furious with your own child. I've been a teacher for 15 years and I've never had a child climb a roof, so it's not a day to day behaviour!

Dollshousedolly · 01/04/2025 20:19

Your DD put herself at risk and lied about it to the teacher. How high up was the roof ? No-way could the teacher have allowed the boys to help lift your DD down, they all could have been injured.

I suppose the teacher should have remained on the scene, asked the other students to run to the the office/another supervisor and ask for assistance. The fire-brigade could then have been called to get your DD down and the your DD should have faced sanctions, a suspension perhaps for putting herself in danger.

ilovesooty · 01/04/2025 20:19

hereslooking · 01/04/2025 20:14

I get that dd was stupid for both getting up there and then lying about it and happy for her to be punished appropriately.

but its the fact that the teacher acknowledged how dangerous it is and how she could get seriously hurt + Dd said she wanted to help getting down and didn’t feel safe jumping.

glad she’s fine but what would have happening if she’d fell and teacher had forced her to jump even though she said she didn’t want to.

The teacher supervised her getting down safely - during her lunch break. It's not as if she walked off and left her there. She's also not responsible for your daughter's decision to go on the roof, nor for your daughter lying.

Poppyseeds79 · 01/04/2025 20:19

hereslooking · 01/04/2025 20:14

I get that dd was stupid for both getting up there and then lying about it and happy for her to be punished appropriately.

but its the fact that the teacher acknowledged how dangerous it is and how she could get seriously hurt + Dd said she wanted to help getting down and didn’t feel safe jumping.

glad she’s fine but what would have happening if she’d fell and teacher had forced her to jump even though she said she didn’t want to.

Then she'd not be pratting about and showing off again tomorrow?