Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dd(12) teacher irresponsible/put her at risk

299 replies

hereslooking · 01/04/2025 20:04

Want to gauge reactions on if I’m being unreasonable regarding incident with Dd(12) and teachers response and what I should expect to happen.

At lunch there were some older boys outside where her and her friends were and one of them threw anothers bag up on to the roof of an outbuilding. DD ended up volunteering to be lifted her up onto the roof to get the bag off and when she was up there a teacher walked past and saw.

She was asked who helped her up and she lied and said that she climbed up on her own to avoid getting the boy in trouble as well. She obviously told how dangerous and stupid it was to be up there and if she fell how she could end up seriously hurt. All the boys offered to help her down safely and dd said that she did want want help/ didn’t want to jump on her own.

The teacher then made all the other kids leave and said she was waiting there untill dd got herself down, which she did and managed to not hurt herself.

Dd was expecting to be given a detention or something or to called out of class and spoken to further all afternoon but nothing happened.

AIBU to be annoyed? I think the teacher handled this terribly and was irresponsible to force dd to jump down

OP posts:
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 01/04/2025 20:19

Your DD was at risk from her own actions. The teacher was preventing more children being at risk of injury from your DD’s actions. This is all on your DD.

Annascaul · 01/04/2025 20:20

hereslooking · 01/04/2025 20:14

I get that dd was stupid for both getting up there and then lying about it and happy for her to be punished appropriately.

but its the fact that the teacher acknowledged how dangerous it is and how she could get seriously hurt + Dd said she wanted to help getting down and didn’t feel safe jumping.

glad she’s fine but what would have happening if she’d fell and teacher had forced her to jump even though she said she didn’t want to.

She chose to go up there, lied about having done it solo, and was responsible for getting herself down.
Why would any repercussions be on the teacher?
Didn’t want to, my arse 🙄

RafaistheKingofClay · 01/04/2025 20:20

If she got up there herself the safest thing is for her to get down by herself. And there’s less risk of multiple injured children. The teacher wasn’t to know any different.

Responsibility here lies solely with your DD and the kids who didn’t own up.

HeddaGarbled · 01/04/2025 20:20

Teachers’ first rule of dealing with incidents: get rid of the bystanders.

MentallyDatingDaveGrohl · 01/04/2025 20:21

what would have happening if she’d fell and teacher had forced her to jump even though she said she didn’t want to

Ffs 🙄
Why are you still thinking that it’s the teacher that’s the issue here?
Nothing happened, but your DD clearly isn’t going to learn any lessons over the incident if this is your attitude about it!

Dollshousedolly · 01/04/2025 20:21

hereslooking · 01/04/2025 20:14

I get that dd was stupid for both getting up there and then lying about it and happy for her to be punished appropriately.

but its the fact that the teacher acknowledged how dangerous it is and how she could get seriously hurt + Dd said she wanted to help getting down and didn’t feel safe jumping.

glad she’s fine but what would have happening if she’d fell and teacher had forced her to jump even though she said she didn’t want to.

What would have happened if your DD had fallen while up on the roof before the teacher came on the scene ??

Annascaul · 01/04/2025 20:21

Dollshousedolly · 01/04/2025 20:19

Your DD put herself at risk and lied about it to the teacher. How high up was the roof ? No-way could the teacher have allowed the boys to help lift your DD down, they all could have been injured.

I suppose the teacher should have remained on the scene, asked the other students to run to the the office/another supervisor and ask for assistance. The fire-brigade could then have been called to get your DD down and the your DD should have faced sanctions, a suspension perhaps for putting herself in danger.

Fire brigade? You’re not serious?

TimetoPour · 01/04/2025 20:21

Nope. Your daughter did something stupid and I think the teacher handled it responsibly and with supervision. No one got hurt and the consequences of your daughter’s actions could have been much worse.

Draw a line under it and hope your child has learned a valuable lesson

Moonnstars · 01/04/2025 20:22

None of us really know how high this building was and how difficult it was to get down. I imagine the teacher did a quick risk assessment and made a judgement also using the info your daughter had given that she got up alone and therefore made the judgement it was ok for them to get down. The teacher clearly identified an audience would make it worse and therefore moved the other pupils on.
I would speak to her about not showing off in front of the boys (I guess she volunteered to impress them) and if someone's bag gets thrown up again she doesn't need to get involved in it.

BodyKeepingScore · 01/04/2025 20:23

And if the teacher had permitted an older boy to help her down and she’d harmed herself, that would have put those boys in the firing line for having caused her harm…
Your daughter lied and she was caught out. The teacher did the only thing they could reasonably have been expected to do in the situation.

NautilusLionfish · 01/04/2025 20:23

Rather than being angry at teacher, take this as a teaching moment for your daughter. Nit to unnecessarily put herself at risk for some stupid guy, about lying and consequences.

The teacher probably stayed know s/he could help if push came to shove.
Advice to you: don't be one of those.
You know, those parents that seem to have birthed angels and can never see how their sweet dds can be wrong or make stupid decisions. Those parents that are causing teachers to resign and employers to sigh in despair. Teach her to take responsibility. Applaud the teacher for starting that journey

CaptainFuture · 01/04/2025 20:24

Annascaul · 01/04/2025 20:20

She chose to go up there, lied about having done it solo, and was responsible for getting herself down.
Why would any repercussions be on the teacher?
Didn’t want to, my arse 🙄

Show quote history

This.
The teacher forced her did she? Screaming and hysterically terrified?
Dd LIED, said she got up there on her own...but yes, her lies, stupidity and reckless behaviour is of course the teacher's fault!!!
Lesson 101 at teacher training- whatever you do, you're wrong! (And cruel/heartless/child endangering....)

NautilusLionfish · 01/04/2025 20:24

BodyKeepingScore · 01/04/2025 20:23

And if the teacher had permitted an older boy to help her down and she’d harmed herself, that would have put those boys in the firing line for having caused her harm…
Your daughter lied and she was caught out. The teacher did the only thing they could reasonably have been expected to do in the situation.

Or if the boys has hurt her in the process op would have been spitting feathers at how this teacher let those boys hurt her child.

Dollshousedolly · 01/04/2025 20:25

Annascaul · 01/04/2025 20:21

Fire brigade? You’re not serious?

Show quote history

I was asking if this is what the OP wanted because the teacher couldn’t have allowed the other students to help her, nor should the teacher have. If the roof was safe, technically the girl should have remained there until someone could have safely for her down and who was trained in these things. Imagine if the teacher had helped her and they both fell and were injured,

DeffoNeedANameChange · 01/04/2025 20:26

She sent the others away because she didn't want it becoming a spectator sport. And imagine if your daughter had been injured because another child dropped her.

I know exactly what to do in pretty much every school scenario. Funnily enough, I don't know the exact correct procedure for when a child has climbed onto a roof, because it's literally never happened to me in 20 years of teaching. Your child shouldn't be climbing on the roof.

Original poster
hereslooking · 01/04/2025 20:26

Of course I’m angry with dd and will be talking to her about the being irresponsible and the lying. It was really stupid and dangerous.

Like I said happy for her to be punished, I’m actually surprised she’s not being. I thought the teacher would have to report the incident and school even contact me, at least speak to dd more seriously

It’s out of character for dd, she has never been in trouble at school before. She’s y7 and there were y10-11 boys suggesting one of her friends get lifted up so she stupidly felt she should.

I’m concerned that she said she needed help and couldn't jump safely but was forced to anyway.

it was obvious the boys were involved as it was their bag the teacher saw get passed down and they were insistent they should help her.

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock000 · 01/04/2025 20:26

I'd be livid at my DD for being so silly, sticking her nose into business that didn't concern her, putting herself in a dangerous being lifted. Lying to a teacher.

It was your DD at fault here.

Dollshousedolly · 01/04/2025 20:27

How high was this building/roof ?

EmeraldShamrock000 · 01/04/2025 20:28

Why didn't she say that she couldn't get down safely. She'd already lied so I doubt she is shy.

Original poster
hereslooking · 01/04/2025 20:29

EmeraldShamrock000 · 01/04/2025 20:28

Why didn't she say that she couldn't get down safely. She'd already lied so I doubt she is shy.

She did say that, that’s the point.

OP posts:
Poppyseeds79 · 01/04/2025 20:29

If you were at work OP I'd have gotten the school office to ring you and for you to come and remove her safely off the roof...

Bet you'd have been moaning about that too 🙄

Life lesson - teach your child to not be a knobhead.

MrsKeats · 01/04/2025 20:30

So it’s the teacher’s fault your daughter is irresponsible? Got it.

VickyEadieofThigh · 01/04/2025 20:30

hereslooking · 01/04/2025 20:26

Of course I’m angry with dd and will be talking to her about the being irresponsible and the lying. It was really stupid and dangerous.

Like I said happy for her to be punished, I’m actually surprised she’s not being. I thought the teacher would have to report the incident and school even contact me, at least speak to dd more seriously

It’s out of character for dd, she has never been in trouble at school before. She’s y7 and there were y10-11 boys suggesting one of her friends get lifted up so she stupidly felt she should.

I’m concerned that she said she needed help and couldn't jump safely but was forced to anyway.

it was obvious the boys were involved as it was their bag the teacher saw get passed down and they were insistent they should help her.

You "will be" talking to her about it? Why didn't you as soon as she described the story to you? Sounds to me like you immediately decided the teacher was in the wrong and not your daughter.

EilonwyWithRedGoldHair · 01/04/2025 20:31

I don't think you are being unreasonable.

She shouldn't have lied, and she definitely shouldn't have been in the roof in the first place, but she's 12, 12 year olds are still children, they do stupid things without thinking sometimes. The teacher is an adult, and though they were right to send the other children away, a safer way for your DD to get down should have been found. Fortunately nobody was hurt, but that seems more based on luck than anything else.

I think the lying about how she got up there is not particularly relevant to being made to get down by herself - it's perfectly possible to climb up on something then find you can't climb down again.

FluffMagnet · 01/04/2025 20:32

Hmm, my father did this at school in the 60s (he was after a football - didn't want to tell the teachers and get a caning for losing the ball). He jumped down by himself and broke both ankles. They still give him issues to this day. Surely a call to a colleague to fetch a ladder wouldn't have been too much of a struggle?

Jesus, the amount of adults that get themselves into ridiculous and dangerous positions each day. You don't see the firemen or coast guard going " Well you got yourself into this mess, so get yourself out. We'll watch you but won't allow anyone to help." Thankfully the OP's daughter was fine, but had she slipped and fallen, how would the teacher have explained their actions of instructing a scared child to climb off a roof without any assistance?

What does the school Health and Safety policy say?

Swipe left for the next trending thread