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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dd(12) teacher irresponsible/put her at risk

299 replies

hereslooking · 01/04/2025 20:04

Want to gauge reactions on if I’m being unreasonable regarding incident with Dd(12) and teachers response and what I should expect to happen.

At lunch there were some older boys outside where her and her friends were and one of them threw anothers bag up on to the roof of an outbuilding. DD ended up volunteering to be lifted her up onto the roof to get the bag off and when she was up there a teacher walked past and saw.

She was asked who helped her up and she lied and said that she climbed up on her own to avoid getting the boy in trouble as well. She obviously told how dangerous and stupid it was to be up there and if she fell how she could end up seriously hurt. All the boys offered to help her down safely and dd said that she did want want help/ didn’t want to jump on her own.

The teacher then made all the other kids leave and said she was waiting there untill dd got herself down, which she did and managed to not hurt herself.

Dd was expecting to be given a detention or something or to called out of class and spoken to further all afternoon but nothing happened.

AIBU to be annoyed? I think the teacher handled this terribly and was irresponsible to force dd to jump down

OP posts:
SamPoodle123 · 01/04/2025 20:59

hereslooking · 01/04/2025 20:14

I get that dd was stupid for both getting up there and then lying about it and happy for her to be punished appropriately.

but its the fact that the teacher acknowledged how dangerous it is and how she could get seriously hurt + Dd said she wanted to help getting down and didn’t feel safe jumping.

glad she’s fine but what would have happening if she’d fell and teacher had forced her to jump even though she said she didn’t want to.

I agree with this. Even though she was lying about how she got up, going up and getting down are two different things. Climbing up a roof and jumping off a roof are two different things and I would complain about how the teacher handled it. She should have helped your daughter get down and then given her detention.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 01/04/2025 21:00

ZebedeeDougalFlorence · 01/04/2025 20:57

I wonder why the teacher didn't help her down? She sounds like one of those sadistic PE teachers from the old days.

Because teachers aren’t supposed to touch pupils.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 01/04/2025 21:01

What is done, is done.
I am sure DD learned a lesson.
I would speak to the school about it too.
I'd leave the thread here too.
Good luck. x

ZebedeeDougalFlorence · 01/04/2025 21:01

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 01/04/2025 21:00

Because teachers aren’t supposed to touch pupils.

Show quote history

Yes, that makes sense.

Tooshytoshine · 01/04/2025 21:02

Your daughter has told you a very one eyed version of this story.

Somehow, in a story where she has been hanging out with older boys, climbed on a roof and lied to a teacher, you are angry with the teacher. In fact, your daughter is both victim and hero of this tale as she rescued the bag.

If the teacher has made her leap from a two metre drop and denied her any help, despite her polite protests I would be very surprised and yes you would be justified in your anger.

Probably, the only thing the teacher did that was wrong is not to log a behaviour incident to protect themselves from ridiculous parental complaints from absolutely clueless parents. Wise up.

Enthusiasticcarrotgrower · 01/04/2025 21:03

I imagine she wanted to remove the attention element from the scenario.

Spirallingdownwards · 01/04/2025 21:03

hereslooking · 01/04/2025 20:14

I get that dd was stupid for both getting up there and then lying about it and happy for her to be punished appropriately.

but its the fact that the teacher acknowledged how dangerous it is and how she could get seriously hurt + Dd said she wanted to help getting down and didn’t feel safe jumping.

glad she’s fine but what would have happening if she’d fell and teacher had forced her to jump even though she said she didn’t want to.

Well I guess your DD could have said well actually I don't feel safe getting down by myself as I did have help getting up. Instead she chose to perpetuate the lie.

She is down safely so the teacher hasn't caused her any injury and perhaps your DD will think twice about doing something so daft and then lying about it too.

CountingDownToSummer · 01/04/2025 21:07

What do you think the teacher should have done op?
As far as the teacher knew your DD managed to get herself up there, so it’s perfectly reasonable to expect your DD to get down herself.
Imagine if the teacher let the older boys help her down, they then get injured and their parents are then complaining to the teacher for asking them to help someone who, as far as they were concerned, was stupid enough to climb up themselves.
I really feel sorry for the shit that teachers have to put up with, and I’m not meaning from the children.

Flamingoknees · 01/04/2025 21:08

Move on.

JLou08 · 01/04/2025 21:10

Your DD did something wrong and put herself at risk, I don't understand why you are putting this on the teacher. I'd be fuming with my DC if they had done this.

moto748e · 01/04/2025 21:12

Thinking back, did this sort of thing happen when I went to school, many years ago? Yeah, it did. I think the teacher handled it OK. DD should be discouraged from 'pleasing the boys', if that was the reason for her volunteering. I don't think 'lying' is the bigger sin here, FWIW.

WonderingWanda · 01/04/2025 21:14

I bet the teacher is pissed off that they missed their lunch because they had to stay and make sure your dd didn't hurt herself on her way down from a roof which she knew full well she shouldn't have climbed on. How you can be angry at the teacher for this situation is beyond me.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 01/04/2025 21:15

hereslooking · 01/04/2025 20:42

I haven’t actually seen the building so I don’t know. Apparently it’s one story but it’s raised, have to go up steps to get in. And it’s wooden and covered in moss so slippery.

To get up she had to stand on the tallest boys shoulders who was stood on the top step and then pull herself up.

The jumping down meant her having to fall onto her side which was sore but she wasn’t injured. Once she lowered herself with her arms her feet were still at least her height from the ground.

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So about five foot from the ground?

Drop and roll. It's hardly a fire brigade or caretaker being called in during his time off and having to order an emergency tower to be assembled to get her down case. Working at Height rules would mean he wasn't able to go up there (and it's a lot less likely to take an adult male's weight) on just a ladder unless there was another WaH trained person present, he wouldn't have been able to lift her down because, you know, man touching a 12 year old girl who might kick, wriggle and bring him down with her, trusting an idiot 15 year old or two not to drop her if she jumped at them is a non starter, she'd have been more likely to fall off a ladder propped up against it by herself, there's the question of whether she was wearing trousers or a skirt...

Far better for her to get herself down as she said she'd gone up by herself. Safest option of the lot, least disruptive, least likely to bring her to the attention of the Head for a 4-5 day suspension as a warning to others not to be so bloody ridiculous.

Bringmeahigherlove · 01/04/2025 21:18

Some parents will only be happy when there are no teachers left!

Foughtabadgerandwon · 01/04/2025 21:19

Sherrystrull · 01/04/2025 20:58

Oh right. So mind reading is what teachers need to do now. Honestly.

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No, that's my point. You can't mind read so you should assess the situation as an ADULT, knowing you can't trust the word of a CHILD.

Putting a literal child in danger to prove some sort of point is a weird power play.

Parker231 · 01/04/2025 21:19

hereslooking · 01/04/2025 20:14

I get that dd was stupid for both getting up there and then lying about it and happy for her to be punished appropriately.

but its the fact that the teacher acknowledged how dangerous it is and how she could get seriously hurt + Dd said she wanted to help getting down and didn’t feel safe jumping.

glad she’s fine but what would have happening if she’d fell and teacher had forced her to jump even though she said she didn’t want to.

What the teacher did is irrelevant. Your DD was stupid and then lied about it. Hopefully you have now punished her.

Foughtabadgerandwon · 01/04/2025 21:20

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 01/04/2025 21:00

Because teachers aren’t supposed to touch pupils.

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They could have helped in other ways but chose not to.

Wisheverydaywasfriday · 01/04/2025 21:20

Oh my! Who’d be a teacher these days??

Manyplanetsfromthesun · 01/04/2025 21:21

Parker231 · 01/04/2025 21:19

What the teacher did is irrelevant. Your DD was stupid and then lied about it. Hopefully you have now punished her.

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Gawd I really hope you’re not a teacher🫣

Livelaughlurgy · 01/04/2025 21:21

The teacher played a game of chicken with a 12 year old. The pupil was obviously in the wrong, but the answer isn't to further put them at risk. The teacher is the adult in the situation and you'd hope would have more sense than the pupils.

Foughtabadgerandwon · 01/04/2025 21:22

Bringmeahigherlove · 01/04/2025 21:18

Some parents will only be happy when there are no teachers left!

Just keep the good ones please.
I'd happily wave off the crap ones, of which there are far too many.

Original poster
hereslooking · 01/04/2025 21:22

CountingDownToSummer · 01/04/2025 21:07

What do you think the teacher should have done op?
As far as the teacher knew your DD managed to get herself up there, so it’s perfectly reasonable to expect your DD to get down herself.
Imagine if the teacher let the older boys help her down, they then get injured and their parents are then complaining to the teacher for asking them to help someone who, as far as they were concerned, was stupid enough to climb up themselves.
I really feel sorry for the shit that teachers have to put up with, and I’m not meaning from the children.

I don’t know, if I was in the situation with a 12 year old up on a roof saying they wanted help getting down and didn’t feel safe I wouldn’t make them jump as a punishment/ to prove a point.

Initial thoughts were
-As the older boys (15/16 year olds) were all there saying we’ll help that I would have let them.
Dd is under 5 stone so I don’t think they would have problem holding her.
But I get the risk of them getting hurt too.

Other option would be to send one of them to get another member of staff who could have helped, maybe got a ladder or put a mat from the gym underneath for her to fall onto rather than the concrete.
I don’t know why this would be an unacceptable option.

And that he should have at least reported the incident, that dd be properly spoken to and punished. Maybe older boys spoken to about throwing their bags on the roof and letting Y7 go up and get it.

OP posts:
Lucyccfc68 · 01/04/2025 21:23

No wonder we have such a shortage of teachers. Students behaves in a dangerous and irresponsible way and then lies (great parenting) and then the parent wants to blame the teacher.

Silvertulips · 01/04/2025 21:23

Well I hope of you go into school to report this teacher and you find out your daughter was showing off and admits that she lied more and probably disrespectful to the teacher that she gets into more trouble.

I can’t see how you ‘blame’ a teacher who was not involved in your DDs decision making - and attempting to get her into trouble.

If you said to your daughter that it severed her right for being stupid, then that would be the end of it .

If you ranted about how irresponsible a passing teacher was, then she’s not going to learn how to accept responsibility for her own actions.

SporadicMincePieMuncher · 01/04/2025 21:24

hereslooking · 01/04/2025 20:42

I haven’t actually seen the building so I don’t know. Apparently it’s one story but it’s raised, have to go up steps to get in. And it’s wooden and covered in moss so slippery.

To get up she had to stand on the tallest boys shoulders who was stood on the top step and then pull herself up.

The jumping down meant her having to fall onto her side which was sore but she wasn’t injured. Once she lowered herself with her arms her feet were still at least her height from the ground.

Show quote history

Yeah that's not a good call from the teacher although I do feel sorry for them. My money is on the teacher not calling her bluff, but perhaps believing that she got up there by herself so could make it down the same way. I bet they were feeling pretty stuck between a rock and a hard place about it. You can't rely on other kids to help in a situation like that, there's just as much chance that they make things worse, don't help or get hurt too. Teacher perhaps didn't feel that she could trust DD to be safe up there while teacher went to get.. what, a ladder? Do teachers know where to get a ladder from and it's easily accessible to them at all times?! A caretaker, who isn't on duty until 4pm? I suppose teacher should have sent one of the boys to the admin office for assistance but that's not great practice either because kids are famously unreliable with that sort of thing. Teacher assists student down, teacher gets into trouble about laying hands on a pupil, opens herself up to risk of accusations, risks injury herself/may have weakness or injuries already herself. Teacher made a dynamic risk assessment in the moment and didn't really have any great options IMO. Did they teacher make the best possible judgement call in the moment? No, probably not, but that's why dynamic risk assessments are a last resort as a situation is unfolding.

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