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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dd(12) teacher irresponsible/put her at risk

299 replies

hereslooking · 01/04/2025 20:04

Want to gauge reactions on if I’m being unreasonable regarding incident with Dd(12) and teachers response and what I should expect to happen.

At lunch there were some older boys outside where her and her friends were and one of them threw anothers bag up on to the roof of an outbuilding. DD ended up volunteering to be lifted her up onto the roof to get the bag off and when she was up there a teacher walked past and saw.

She was asked who helped her up and she lied and said that she climbed up on her own to avoid getting the boy in trouble as well. She obviously told how dangerous and stupid it was to be up there and if she fell how she could end up seriously hurt. All the boys offered to help her down safely and dd said that she did want want help/ didn’t want to jump on her own.

The teacher then made all the other kids leave and said she was waiting there untill dd got herself down, which she did and managed to not hurt herself.

Dd was expecting to be given a detention or something or to called out of class and spoken to further all afternoon but nothing happened.

AIBU to be annoyed? I think the teacher handled this terribly and was irresponsible to force dd to jump down

OP posts:
Stardust286 · 02/04/2025 06:59

You say you're surprised she's not been punished, although I'm certain it will have been recorded and it will be up to SLT how/if she is punished

Superhansrantowindsor · 02/04/2025 07:06

She lied and said she got there on her own so teacher believed she could get down. A responsible adult watched her come down and was presumably ready to catch her. I can imagine there was quite an audience to this spectacle so the teacher sensibly told the other kids to leave. Your dd acted irresponsibly by going up on the roof. But sure- let’s just have a go at the teacher after your daughters lie and inappropriate behaviour.

Sheeparelooseagain · 02/04/2025 07:18

The only other allowed course of action here would have been to call the fire brigade.

ilovesooty · 02/04/2025 07:20

Calliopespa · 01/04/2025 23:45

Quite honestly, why not the fire brigade?

But a child sent to the staff room was a logical starting point.

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Yes
Perhaps as an alternative to the fire brigade they could have called the parent to help her child off the roof since she was unhappy with the way this was handled.

TheWonderhorse · 02/04/2025 08:48

ilovesooty · 02/04/2025 07:20

Yes
Perhaps as an alternative to the fire brigade they could have called the parent to help her child off the roof since she was unhappy with the way this was handled.

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You say that like it's a stupid idea. But if my 12 year old was on a roof and the school refused to help her down, then I would absolutely go, with a ladder, and get her down. Of course I would.

What she did was stupid and I'd be worried about her being coerced into doing dangerous things. But the teacher should have been the responsible adult and helped her down.

ilovesooty · 02/04/2025 08:58

TheWonderhorse · 02/04/2025 08:48

You say that like it's a stupid idea. But if my 12 year old was on a roof and the school refused to help her down, then I would absolutely go, with a ladder, and get her down. Of course I would.

What she did was stupid and I'd be worried about her being coerced into doing dangerous things. But the teacher should have been the responsible adult and helped her down.

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No, I didn't intend it to sound like a stupid thing. It might have been a viable course of action to get the parent there to take responsibility. It's unclear now whether the teacher was male or female but s/he couldn't have helped the child down without physically touching her and there would have been good reasons for being reluctant to do that.

Paganpentacle · 02/04/2025 09:00

Merrygoround8 · 01/04/2025 20:10

I don’t think it’s ideal but I think the bigger point is your DD needs to take responsibility for conducting her own assessments of risk, and not climb on roofs and then lie about it.

This.
Cant believe your having a go at the teacher....she wasnt the one who climbed onto the roof FFS.

Annascaul · 02/04/2025 10:30

TheWonderhorse · 01/04/2025 23:08

OP you won't get reason on here.

Of course she shouldn't have been told to jump from the roof.

The sheer quantity of people who make out that only one person can be wrong in any scenario beggars belief. They were both wrong, obviously, and that teacher could and should have helped. Schools have ladders. There's no way the teacher could have kept her safe from the floor. If she had fallen that teacher would be in all sorts of trouble.

She didn’t actually “jump off a roof”. She lowered herself down and dropped the last couple of feet.
Not quite so dramatic.

Annascaul · 02/04/2025 10:34

Kate240 · 01/04/2025 22:47

Sounds like they had alot of innocent (potentially dangerous - but no harmed caused) fun.

Secretly, I'd have respect that she didn't grass her mates her (wouldn't tell her that). Poor show that the lads did leave her and didn't just ignore the teacher and proceed to lift her down. Pretty weak hearted to me.

Teacher handled it badly, but it was a fairly unusual situation OP, haha. I don't think they get trained for 12yr old ninjas.

Tell your kid not to do stupid crap. But it's hardly worth complaining about. She's unlikely to be in the same situation again.

You'll laugh about it in years to come - that time she thought it was a good idea to get up on a roof at school.

And ultimately her street cred just sky rocketed.

Let it go. It happened. She's not hurt. Tell her she's a bloody idiot and you'll be furious if you find out she ever did anything as stupid like that again.

Then have a laugh about it to yourself in private.

Personally, I think she's marvellous.

She got lifted up onto a roof, told a teacher she climbed up herself and then she had to figure out a way back down and she bloody well did it! She's brilliant. All power to her.

Don't tell her that, obvs. Walk the line. Be faux cross. But let it go.

Nothing good will come out of complaining to the school about it.

Marvellous?
She climbed on a roof to impress some older boys (op says they actually asked her friend, and she jumped in), lied about how it happened to the teacher and then claimed she couldn’t get down unaided.
Did we read the same thread?

Annascaul · 02/04/2025 10:38

TheWombatleague · 01/04/2025 22:19

Well, I've got 60 years of experience getting stuck climbing things.

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Why do you keep doing it?

FiveShelties · 02/04/2025 11:20

hereslooking · 01/04/2025 22:00

I don’t hate teachers, I have never gone in and complained. (And I’m not going to) 6 dc including step who have been in same school.

I don’t know this teacher, dd thinks he’s a gcse subject teacher

I would not be questioning the teacher telling off dd off or him punishing her. The point is I’m surprised she hasn’t been.

I thought you said teacher was female in your earlier posts??

Swiftie1878 · 02/04/2025 11:25

hereslooking · 01/04/2025 20:14

I get that dd was stupid for both getting up there and then lying about it and happy for her to be punished appropriately.

but its the fact that the teacher acknowledged how dangerous it is and how she could get seriously hurt + Dd said she wanted to help getting down and didn’t feel safe jumping.

glad she’s fine but what would have happening if she’d fell and teacher had forced her to jump even though she said she didn’t want to.

If she’d fallen, she’d have hurt herself.
I think you’re focusing your anger in the wrong direction. Your DD was in the wrong here.

StartAnew · 02/04/2025 12:31

Getting a ladder would seem the best thing to do, but for some reason the teacher didn't suggest it. I would think this incident is best let go now. DD will have learnt from it not to put herself in a situation she can't easily get out of.

Kate240 · 02/04/2025 12:33

Annascaul · 02/04/2025 10:34

Marvellous?
She climbed on a roof to impress some older boys (op says they actually asked her friend, and she jumped in), lied about how it happened to the teacher and then claimed she couldn’t get down unaided.
Did we read the same thread?

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Yep I read the same thread.

TheWonderhorse · 02/04/2025 13:02

Swiftie1878 · 02/04/2025 11:25

If she’d fallen, she’d have hurt herself.
I think you’re focusing your anger in the wrong direction. Your DD was in the wrong here.

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Whether OPs DD was wrong to go up there has no relevance to whether, given that DD has got up there, the teacher should have helped her down. Unless you're suggesting that a potential broken ankle is a direct punishment for the bad behaviour.

Posters can't have it both ways, either she was safe on the roof and therefore not reckless, merely crossing a boundary. The same as using the wrong stairs or entering a cupboard to retrieve a bag.

Or she did something dangerous, in which case the child's safety comes first and a heavy punishment, for being so stupid, later.

Changedusernameforthis2 · 02/04/2025 14:07

I think the child comes first narrative is what has got us into the mess we are in. WHATEVER they do it's OK and a 'learning opportunity' then the feckless parents and handcuffed schools chuck them out in the world at 16, straight into UK law which doesn't give a shit about WHY they did it. We are not helping young people by shielding them from consequences, we are hindering them by making them believe they always get one more chance and a gentle supportive talking to. The human brain sometimes needs a bit of fear and peril, a high stakes emotion to learn a lesson quickly.

TheWombatleague · 02/04/2025 15:56

Annascaul · 02/04/2025 10:38

Why do you keep doing it?

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Everyone's allowed a hobby.

Hankunamatata · 02/04/2025 16:05

Problem is that the teaxher cant let an older boy help her down or help her down as it would be sen an inqpporipate touching.

ScartlettSole · 02/04/2025 17:57

MentallyDatingDaveGrohl · 01/04/2025 20:08

If she hadn’t lied they wouldn’t have made her get down alone.
They were obviously proving a point, if she’d fessed up she’d have been helped down. She suffered the consequences of her own actions and no harm done.
Be annoyed at her for telling lies.

Oh youre not seriously suggesting a parent actually does some parenting and actually holds their little darling accountable for their own actions are you?!? Much easier to blame a teacher when theyre child is an idiot, climbs on stuff they shouldnt then lies about it!

OP you are unreasonable. Your daughters a twit and a liar, maybe be annoyed at her?

TheWonderhorse · 02/04/2025 18:05

ScartlettSole · 02/04/2025 17:57

Oh youre not seriously suggesting a parent actually does some parenting and actually holds their little darling accountable for their own actions are you?!? Much easier to blame a teacher when theyre child is an idiot, climbs on stuff they shouldnt then lies about it!

OP you are unreasonable. Your daughters a twit and a liar, maybe be annoyed at her?

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Another one completely ignoring the fact that OP said she thought her DD should have been punished, and that as ANOTHER SEPARATE POINT that someone should have assisted the child in getting down from the roof.

Why are people unable to grasp that those two opinions are not mutually exclusive?

ScartlettSole · 02/04/2025 18:09

TheWonderhorse · 02/04/2025 18:05

Another one completely ignoring the fact that OP said she thought her DD should have been punished, and that as ANOTHER SEPARATE POINT that someone should have assisted the child in getting down from the roof.

Why are people unable to grasp that those two opinions are not mutually exclusive?

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If she felt so strongly she should have been punished, surely OP would have punished her before coming on here to moan about a teacher?
She climbed a roof, lied and got a fright getting back down. Wtf is OPs issue exactly?
Most reasonable parents would say "well that'll teach you not to climb roofs/lie next time".

TheWonderhorse · 02/04/2025 18:18

ScartlettSole · 02/04/2025 18:09

If she felt so strongly she should have been punished, surely OP would have punished her before coming on here to moan about a teacher?
She climbed a roof, lied and got a fright getting back down. Wtf is OPs issue exactly?
Most reasonable parents would say "well that'll teach you not to climb roofs/lie next time".

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What?

If my DD12 had climbed onto a roof at school, I would have no doubt that a teacher would have helped her down, marched her straight to the office facing a heavy punishment.

None of those things happened in this case. I would be bewildered too, on both counts. Because it's bizarre.

busymomtoone · 02/04/2025 18:30

She’s 12 not 2! You should be having a word with your daughter for being so daft as to climb onto a roof. The teacher was extremely kind to give her the get out - she stayed to check your daughter descended safely when your daughter had claimed she got up there herself. She sent the other children away to avoid embarrassing her. At any point your daughter could have been honest and admitted she didn’t get up there alone. On top of that , she didn’t even get detention! The fact you are whinging about the teacher rather than dealing with your daughter’s irresponsible behaviour says it all.

Liz1tummypain · 02/04/2025 18:43

Lucyccfc68 · 01/04/2025 21:23

No wonder we have such a shortage of teachers. Students behaves in a dangerous and irresponsible way and then lies (great parenting) and then the parent wants to blame the teacher.

Exactly this.

Calliopespa · 02/04/2025 18:50

TheWonderhorse · 02/04/2025 18:05

Another one completely ignoring the fact that OP said she thought her DD should have been punished, and that as ANOTHER SEPARATE POINT that someone should have assisted the child in getting down from the roof.

Why are people unable to grasp that those two opinions are not mutually exclusive?

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I agree.

Its a bit worrying how angry and generally anti-children/parents some teachers seem to be.

The real point being missed is that the child was IN THE SCHOOL’s CARE when it happened. So regardless of how dumb the kid was to do it, she did it on their watch. That makes it their responsibility. Children are immature and make wrong decisions at times.

If I were op I’d be annoyed it even happened.