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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dd(12) teacher irresponsible/put her at risk

299 replies

hereslooking · 01/04/2025 20:04

Want to gauge reactions on if I’m being unreasonable regarding incident with Dd(12) and teachers response and what I should expect to happen.

At lunch there were some older boys outside where her and her friends were and one of them threw anothers bag up on to the roof of an outbuilding. DD ended up volunteering to be lifted her up onto the roof to get the bag off and when she was up there a teacher walked past and saw.

She was asked who helped her up and she lied and said that she climbed up on her own to avoid getting the boy in trouble as well. She obviously told how dangerous and stupid it was to be up there and if she fell how she could end up seriously hurt. All the boys offered to help her down safely and dd said that she did want want help/ didn’t want to jump on her own.

The teacher then made all the other kids leave and said she was waiting there untill dd got herself down, which she did and managed to not hurt herself.

Dd was expecting to be given a detention or something or to called out of class and spoken to further all afternoon but nothing happened.

AIBU to be annoyed? I think the teacher handled this terribly and was irresponsible to force dd to jump down

OP posts:
BlondiePortz · 01/04/2025 21:24

Foughtabadgerandwon · 01/04/2025 21:22

Just keep the good ones please.
I'd happily wave off the crap ones, of which there are far too many.

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And even worse parents

Crocmush · 01/04/2025 21:24

Did the teacher have any way of getting help? She couldn't leave her on the roof to go and get a ladder or whatever. And she wouldn't be insured to use the ladder anyway. I really do think you'd need to see the building to know how dangerous this actually was

ThriveAT · 01/04/2025 21:24

AliBaliBee1234 · 01/04/2025 20:10

Could it be that they didn't want the boys to risk hurting themselves?

Exactly this. The teacher is responsible for everyone's safety. Your daughter did the wrong thing so own it. Stop the standard teacher bashing BS. It's old and tired.

Bringmeahigherlove · 01/04/2025 21:25

Foughtabadgerandwon · 01/04/2025 21:22

Just keep the good ones please.
I'd happily wave off the crap ones, of which there are far too many.

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Depends why you think they’re “crap” I suppose. Regardless of who leaves there are no new trainees coming through to replace them.

ILovebenefits · 01/04/2025 21:25

People need to stop putting the blame onto teachers, no wonder children have no respect nowadays, it’s not the teachers fault it’s your daughters fault, if that happened to me and I told my mum she would have said oh well you should have thought about that before climbing up,

hoarahloux · 01/04/2025 21:25

Is this a report you've had from the school, or is this your child's version of events?

ThriveAT · 01/04/2025 21:26

Foughtabadgerandwon · 01/04/2025 20:43

Im sure that's true.
Im not one of them. But I've met many, many sub par teachers.

Some very good ones too but they are much rarer.

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Well, soon enough - due to persistent teacher shortages - your child will be taught by an AI bot. Enjoy that!

Foughtabadgerandwon · 01/04/2025 21:27

BlondiePortz · 01/04/2025 21:24

And even worse parents

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Yes, there are loads of awful parents.

But this them and us situation is horrible.

I love good teachers, they're amazing and change people's lives.

But crap ones do too in the wrong way and there are way too many of them.

Putting a child at risk to prove a point is the mark of really crap teacher.

ThriveAT · 01/04/2025 21:27

SamPoodle123 · 01/04/2025 20:59

I agree with this. Even though she was lying about how she got up, going up and getting down are two different things. Climbing up a roof and jumping off a roof are two different things and I would complain about how the teacher handled it. She should have helped your daughter get down and then given her detention.

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Of course you would complain.

5128gap · 01/04/2025 21:27

If the teacher had agreed to let the boys help her down and she'd have fallen in the process and hurt herself or one of them, them teacher would be to blame for that. She did right not to allow other children to get involved. I suppose ultimately the only correct course of action if your DD couldn't get down would to have been to have called you to deal with it.

ILovebenefits · 01/04/2025 21:27

hereslooking · 01/04/2025 21:22

I don’t know, if I was in the situation with a 12 year old up on a roof saying they wanted help getting down and didn’t feel safe I wouldn’t make them jump as a punishment/ to prove a point.

Initial thoughts were
-As the older boys (15/16 year olds) were all there saying we’ll help that I would have let them.
Dd is under 5 stone so I don’t think they would have problem holding her.
But I get the risk of them getting hurt too.

Other option would be to send one of them to get another member of staff who could have helped, maybe got a ladder or put a mat from the gym underneath for her to fall onto rather than the concrete.
I don’t know why this would be an unacceptable option.

And that he should have at least reported the incident, that dd be properly spoken to and punished. Maybe older boys spoken to about throwing their bags on the roof and letting Y7 go up and get it.

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🤣🤣🤣 or call the firebagade 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤣🤣🤣

Foughtabadgerandwon · 01/04/2025 21:27

ThriveAT · 01/04/2025 21:26

Well, soon enough - due to persistent teacher shortages - your child will be taught by an AI bot. Enjoy that!

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AI would be preferable to some of the horror teachers I've observed.

Annascaul · 01/04/2025 21:28

hereslooking · 01/04/2025 20:26

Of course I’m angry with dd and will be talking to her about the being irresponsible and the lying. It was really stupid and dangerous.

Like I said happy for her to be punished, I’m actually surprised she’s not being. I thought the teacher would have to report the incident and school even contact me, at least speak to dd more seriously

It’s out of character for dd, she has never been in trouble at school before. She’s y7 and there were y10-11 boys suggesting one of her friends get lifted up so she stupidly felt she should.

I’m concerned that she said she needed help and couldn't jump safely but was forced to anyway.

it was obvious the boys were involved as it was their bag the teacher saw get passed down and they were insistent they should help her.

But she could jump safely, clearly; as she in fact did jump safely.
Or are you going to drip feed that she actually broke her neck?
The teacher bears no responsibility for your daughter’s stupid escapades, your ire should be directed squarely where it belongs.

ThriveAT · 01/04/2025 21:28

Foughtabadgerandwon · 01/04/2025 20:34

I'm with you @hereslooking

The teacher was irresponsible and made too many assumptions.

Yes, your daughter was silly but she's a literal child. The teacher should have got help or listened to her fears.

I've met too many teachers who are smug, know it all arseholes who treat children like a sub human species.

There are loads of them on MN who leap on posts like yours to defend other teachers.

You're a wonderful example to your child.

CaptainFuture · 01/04/2025 21:28

hoarahloux · 01/04/2025 21:25

Is this a report you've had from the school, or is this your child's version of events?

I've already wondered if this is an April Fool from the dd given NO CONTACT from the school on it!

Lindererer32 · 01/04/2025 21:28

ExtraOnions · 01/04/2025 20:13

So DD climbs on a roof she’s not supposed to be on, lies to a teacher, and then get’s herself down … and the one you are annoyed at is the teacher?

Had the Teacher allowed the boys to help, and she had been hurt - then I suppose that would also be the Teachers fault

It’s Parents like you that make it hard for Schools to instill discipline … raising your Children with zero accountability.

This all day long

Parker231 · 01/04/2025 21:29

Manyplanetsfromthesun · 01/04/2025 21:21

Gawd I really hope you’re not a teacher🫣

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Not a teacher but a parent and former Governor supporting teachers who have to deal with troublesome pupils. OP DD was at fault and the lied about it. Too many parents defending their children rather than teaching good behaviour and taking responsibility for their actions.

Newlittlerescue · 01/04/2025 21:30

You have a point, and I expect the lack of a detention/talking to is because the teacher knows she didn't handle it well so doesn't want to compound it/bring it to your attention by adding further punishment.

But you need to drop it and use this as a learning experience for your DD - play stupid games, win stupid prizes. She - and you - just need to suck it up.

bakebeans · 01/04/2025 21:30

I’m not sure why you are blaming the teacher. I think she sent the others away in the hope she may want to ‘read your DD emotions’ once she had got back on the ground. Offering to go up on a roof is pretty daring stuff so for me anyone up there I’d want to know why.

The teacher may want to check she wasn’t ‘forced’. I think the person you need to be speaking to is your DD not the teacher

Foughtabadgerandwon · 01/04/2025 21:31

ILovebenefits · 01/04/2025 21:25

People need to stop putting the blame onto teachers, no wonder children have no respect nowadays, it’s not the teachers fault it’s your daughters fault, if that happened to me and I told my mum she would have said oh well you should have thought about that before climbing up,

Yes, the daughter got herself in a sticky situation but like it or not the teacher has a responsibility to help get her out of it. Even if that just means calling for help and passing the responsibility on to someone more able to deal with it

Just saying she should learn her lesson isn't good enough.

Eenameenadeeka · 01/04/2025 21:31

Sorry but this is entirely on your daughter. Sounds like she got off very lightly too, if this happened at my childs school I'd be called in for that behavior.

Perculiar · 01/04/2025 21:33

Even though she is under 5 stone (which does seem tiny for a 12 year old), the teacher probably didn’t want the boys to potentially get hurt too.

your dd has been very silly but I do agree that the teacher should maybe have asked one of the other kids to ask another teacher for help in getting your dd down safely as it could have ended badly expecting such a tiny 12 year old to jump off a first storey roof.

however, I wouldn’t take it any further. It’s done, no one is hurt. Your DD isn’t in any more trouble and by the sounds of it knows she has been silly and won’t do it again.

MyLimeGuide · 01/04/2025 21:34

Dollshousedolly · 01/04/2025 20:19

Your DD put herself at risk and lied about it to the teacher. How high up was the roof ? No-way could the teacher have allowed the boys to help lift your DD down, they all could have been injured.

I suppose the teacher should have remained on the scene, asked the other students to run to the the office/another supervisor and ask for assistance. The fire-brigade could then have been called to get your DD down and the your DD should have faced sanctions, a suspension perhaps for putting herself in danger.

Lol fire brigade!!😂

Nosleepforthismum · 01/04/2025 21:35

Oh boy, the fact your DD actually told you about this incident tells me everything about the kind of parent you are (sorry) because my mum would have hit the roof if I dared to tell her this story and I’d probably be marched into the teachers office and forced to apologise. I suspect, even if I’d broken my arm coming down off the roof, she’d have told me it served me right 😅

Bringmeahigherlove · 01/04/2025 21:36

Foughtabadgerandwon · 01/04/2025 21:27

AI would be preferable to some of the horror teachers I've observed.

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The same as any profession. Some people are very good at their job and others struggle. Be careful what you wish for.