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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dd(12) teacher irresponsible/put her at risk

299 replies

hereslooking · 01/04/2025 20:04

Want to gauge reactions on if I’m being unreasonable regarding incident with Dd(12) and teachers response and what I should expect to happen.

At lunch there were some older boys outside where her and her friends were and one of them threw anothers bag up on to the roof of an outbuilding. DD ended up volunteering to be lifted her up onto the roof to get the bag off and when she was up there a teacher walked past and saw.

She was asked who helped her up and she lied and said that she climbed up on her own to avoid getting the boy in trouble as well. She obviously told how dangerous and stupid it was to be up there and if she fell how she could end up seriously hurt. All the boys offered to help her down safely and dd said that she did want want help/ didn’t want to jump on her own.

The teacher then made all the other kids leave and said she was waiting there untill dd got herself down, which she did and managed to not hurt herself.

Dd was expecting to be given a detention or something or to called out of class and spoken to further all afternoon but nothing happened.

AIBU to be annoyed? I think the teacher handled this terribly and was irresponsible to force dd to jump down

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock000 · 01/04/2025 20:32

hereslooking · 01/04/2025 20:29

She did say that, that’s the point.

Show quote history

That is different, I personally wouldn't have allowed her jump down, if it meant getting a ladder, that's what was needed.

.

Dollshousedolly · 01/04/2025 20:34

Again, how high was this roof ? Was it bus stop height, bicycle shelter height … ?

Liz1tummypain · 01/04/2025 20:34

She didn't tell the truth and the teacher would have thought she was ok. The teacher's response is understandable. Your daughter needs to learn the lesson.

Foughtabadgerandwon · 01/04/2025 20:34

I'm with you @hereslooking

The teacher was irresponsible and made too many assumptions.

Yes, your daughter was silly but she's a literal child. The teacher should have got help or listened to her fears.

I've met too many teachers who are smug, know it all arseholes who treat children like a sub human species.

There are loads of them on MN who leap on posts like yours to defend other teachers.

Sherrystrull · 01/04/2025 20:35

CowTown · 01/04/2025 20:11

Perhaps because DD lied and said she got up on her own, the teacher believed her and thought, “If she got up there on her own, she’s capable of getting herself down—it’ll be dangerous to get these other kids involved, and they could drop her.”

If DD had told the truth, the teacher would have known that she needed help to get down, and would have arranged for someone other than pupils to get her down.

Edited

This.

I really don’t understand how your major concern with this is the teacher’s conduct.

SalfordQuays · 01/04/2025 20:35

HeddaGarbled · 01/04/2025 20:20

Teachers’ first rule of dealing with incidents: get rid of the bystanders.

This.
Presumably the teacher believed her that she’d climbed up on her own, so assumed she could get down on her own, and didn’t think it was a good idea to turn the whole thing into a public spectacle.

Cucy · 01/04/2025 20:35

How did you want them to handle it?

Leave her up there until you could come and carry her down?

The teacher obviously knew that it was safe to jump down, which it was and DD chose to put herself up there and so it’s her responsibility to get down.

I’m not sure what you expected them to do.

BlondiePortz · 01/04/2025 20:37

This is on your dd she should not have done it in the first place she may be female but she needs to use her own brain males don't need to be doing her thinking for her

Sherrystrull · 01/04/2025 20:37

Foughtabadgerandwon · 01/04/2025 20:34

I'm with you @hereslooking

The teacher was irresponsible and made too many assumptions.

Yes, your daughter was silly but she's a literal child. The teacher should have got help or listened to her fears.

I've met too many teachers who are smug, know it all arseholes who treat children like a sub human species.

There are loads of them on MN who leap on posts like yours to defend other teachers.

The teacher asked a child a question and believed the response they got.

ilovesooty · 01/04/2025 20:38

Foughtabadgerandwon · 01/04/2025 20:34

I'm with you @hereslooking

The teacher was irresponsible and made too many assumptions.

Yes, your daughter was silly but she's a literal child. The teacher should have got help or listened to her fears.

I've met too many teachers who are smug, know it all arseholes who treat children like a sub human species.

There are loads of them on MN who leap on posts like yours to defend other teachers.

Oh dear.

DancingDucks · 01/04/2025 20:38

She did something really stupid, lied about it, the teacher supervised her getting down safely and you're mad at the teacher? Herein lies the issue with behaviour in schools ...

Foughtabadgerandwon · 01/04/2025 20:38

Well then they're a poor teacher aren't they? They obviously don't understand kids very well 🙄

That was to @Sherrystrull

Oioisavaloy27 · 01/04/2025 20:39

Your daughter climbed on the rood then she lied not the teachers fault, speak to your daughter she's the one in the wrong.

Manyplanetsfromthesun · 01/04/2025 20:39

I think you are getting a bit of a hard time here OP. The girls is 12. 12 years olds do stupid things and have a completely skewed risk sense. They are also under way more pressure to conform for their peers and not be telltales. Mums net is always harping on about ‘children are children’ who don’t have developed frontal cortex until they are 25- until there’s a little chance to sanctimoniously stick the boot in.

Depends on the roof and safety here re how unreasonable the teacher is. I love teachers for the shit they put up with everyday, but that doesn’t mean, as in every profession, there aren’t some power or control hungry dickheads.

I think what this teacher did sounds risky at best- both for your daughter, her confidence in adults to keep her safe, and the schools liability. I’d be a bit pissed off if I was you.

I. My opinion, your tweens misplaced decision doesn’t offset the teachers mean (at best) approach.

DeffoNeedANameChange · 01/04/2025 20:39

What are you looking for here? Do you want the school to have a specific procedure for this eventuality? Do you want to be reassured that next time your daughter climbs on the roof, she won't have to get herself down? Genuinely - what outcome do you want from this?

You can acknowledge to your daughter that she was probably scared. But the main focus of your conversation must be that this can never happen again. This total lack of regard for authority is unusual and concerning, especially in Year 7. I might expect it from an older child on their final warning whose looking to go out with a bang.

ilovesooty · 01/04/2025 20:40

Foughtabadgerandwon · 01/04/2025 20:38

Well then they're a poor teacher aren't they? They obviously don't understand kids very well 🙄

That was to @Sherrystrull

Edited

Feel free to retrain if you reckon you know better.

DancingDucks · 01/04/2025 20:40

Foughtabadgerandwon · 01/04/2025 20:38

Well then they're a poor teacher aren't they? They obviously don't understand kids very well 🙄

That was to @Sherrystrull

Edited

Or ... they understand kids extremely well.

Greenblossom · 01/04/2025 20:40

Not an easy spot for the teacher to be in tbh. Unless they happened to know where the caretaker was, or a long ladder at that moment, what were they supposed to do? Having the boys help would put them at risk as well.

Foughtabadgerandwon · 01/04/2025 20:40

ilovesooty · 01/04/2025 20:38

Oh dear.

Show quote history

Oh dear what? Teachers are not infallible.

I guess you're one of 'those' teachers then.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 01/04/2025 20:41

I've met too many teachers who are smug, know it all arseholes who treat children like a sub human species.

I've met too many parents and kids who take zero responsibility for the child's actions and blame teachers while at the same time expecting them to basically be omnipotent and omniscient.

Ineffable23 · 01/04/2025 20:41

NorthernGirlie · 01/04/2025 20:15

At no point in teacher training do they tell you you have to deal with this shit and then deal with batshit patents on top of it!

You're right op, the teacher should have rang the fire brigade / knitted her a parachute / carried her down on a silk pillow... I'm desperate to hear your solution

Get a ladder? Schools will have ladders. This isn't an unsolvable problem.

Yes, the daughter was stupid. That's the deal with teenagers. Teachers aren't meant to then encourage that irresponsible behaviour.

Oioisavaloy27 · 01/04/2025 20:41

Foughtabadgerandwon · 01/04/2025 20:34

I'm with you @hereslooking

The teacher was irresponsible and made too many assumptions.

Yes, your daughter was silly but she's a literal child. The teacher should have got help or listened to her fears.

I've met too many teachers who are smug, know it all arseholes who treat children like a sub human species.

There are loads of them on MN who leap on posts like yours to defend other teachers.

The child lied she said she got up there on her own, child was in the wrong and calling teachers arseholes? Deary me.

CheesePlantBoxes · 01/04/2025 20:41

Yeah but if you were the boys mum amd he got hurt you wouldn't have been happy.

The teacher asked how she got up..she said she did it alone. The teacher reasoned she could get down alone. Had they boy got involved, it would be adding to the risk, based on the facts the teacher had.

Original poster
hereslooking · 01/04/2025 20:42

Dollshousedolly · 01/04/2025 20:27

How high was this building/roof ?

I haven’t actually seen the building so I don’t know. Apparently it’s one story but it’s raised, have to go up steps to get in. And it’s wooden and covered in moss so slippery.

To get up she had to stand on the tallest boys shoulders who was stood on the top step and then pull herself up.

The jumping down meant her having to fall onto her side which was sore but she wasn’t injured. Once she lowered herself with her arms her feet were still at least her height from the ground.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 01/04/2025 20:43

Foughtabadgerandwon · 01/04/2025 20:40

Oh dear what? Teachers are not infallible.

I guess you're one of 'those' teachers then.

Show quote history

No one said teachers are infallible. I don't think this one was at fault. And my comment referred to you talking of smug know it all arseholes

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