Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dd(12) teacher irresponsible/put her at risk

299 replies

hereslooking · 01/04/2025 20:04

Want to gauge reactions on if I’m being unreasonable regarding incident with Dd(12) and teachers response and what I should expect to happen.

At lunch there were some older boys outside where her and her friends were and one of them threw anothers bag up on to the roof of an outbuilding. DD ended up volunteering to be lifted her up onto the roof to get the bag off and when she was up there a teacher walked past and saw.

She was asked who helped her up and she lied and said that she climbed up on her own to avoid getting the boy in trouble as well. She obviously told how dangerous and stupid it was to be up there and if she fell how she could end up seriously hurt. All the boys offered to help her down safely and dd said that she did want want help/ didn’t want to jump on her own.

The teacher then made all the other kids leave and said she was waiting there untill dd got herself down, which she did and managed to not hurt herself.

Dd was expecting to be given a detention or something or to called out of class and spoken to further all afternoon but nothing happened.

AIBU to be annoyed? I think the teacher handled this terribly and was irresponsible to force dd to jump down

OP posts:
Foughtabadgerandwon · 01/04/2025 20:43

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 01/04/2025 20:41

I've met too many teachers who are smug, know it all arseholes who treat children like a sub human species.

I've met too many parents and kids who take zero responsibility for the child's actions and blame teachers while at the same time expecting them to basically be omnipotent and omniscient.

Im sure that's true.
Im not one of them. But I've met many, many sub par teachers.

Some very good ones too but they are much rarer.

CaptainFuture · 01/04/2025 20:43

hereslooking · 01/04/2025 20:26

Of course I’m angry with dd and will be talking to her about the being irresponsible and the lying. It was really stupid and dangerous.

Like I said happy for her to be punished, I’m actually surprised she’s not being. I thought the teacher would have to report the incident and school even contact me, at least speak to dd more seriously

It’s out of character for dd, she has never been in trouble at school before. She’s y7 and there were y10-11 boys suggesting one of her friends get lifted up so she stupidly felt she should.

I’m concerned that she said she needed help and couldn't jump safely but was forced to anyway.

it was obvious the boys were involved as it was their bag the teacher saw get passed down and they were insistent they should help her.

Like I said happy for her to be punished, I’m actually surprised she’s not being. I thought the teacher would have to report the incident and school even contact me, at least speak to dd more seriously
Wait a minute.... so school hasn't even confirmed this has actually happened?!
A possibility of elaborate April Fools, who can tell daftest, tallest tale?!

CandyCane457 · 01/04/2025 20:44

glad she’s fine but what would have happening if she’d fell and teacher had forced her to jump even though she said she didn’t want to.

“She said she didn’t want to.” Aww. Well maybe she should’ve thought about that before climbing up in the first place and then lying.

Foughtabadgerandwon · 01/04/2025 20:45

Oioisavaloy27 · 01/04/2025 20:41

The child lied she said she got up there on her own, child was in the wrong and calling teachers arseholes? Deary me.

Show quote history

SOME teachers, too many teachers, including this one.

Deary me indeed.

JustMyView13 · 01/04/2025 20:45

You’re definitely getting the vanilla version of events here.

But even still, your daughter got herself up there ‘alone’ so she shouldn’t have an issue getting down. I guess maybe the teacher could’ve called the fire brigade if she needed help. But it seems she managed, and without injury.
Imagine a scenario where the teacher made the other children help her, and one of them got hurt. Whose fault is it then?

DramaLlamaLana · 01/04/2025 20:47

CowTown · 01/04/2025 20:11

Perhaps because DD lied and said she got up on her own, the teacher believed her and thought, “If she got up there on her own, she’s capable of getting herself down—it’ll be dangerous to get these other kids involved, and they could drop her.”

If DD had told the truth, the teacher would have known that she needed help to get down, and would have arranged for someone other than pupils to get her down.

Edited

This

TryForSpring · 01/04/2025 20:47

The key issue is that DD is 12, whereas the teacher is an adult, and in a role that takes responsibility for the pupils' safety.

A load of MNers lining up to say 'served her right for lying' wouldn't cut much ice if an injury had occurred.

Thephantom · 01/04/2025 20:47

Your dd said she got up by herself. Some parents wouldn't want their daughters hoisted up by older boys and will raise hell if they found that they did. Believe me, I've seen it happen. So as your dd said she got up there by herself the teacher must have assumed that she could get down as well without any help but waited to ensure that she was safe. I don't know why you think the teacher should have asked the boys to help, when according to your dd she managed to get up there without anyones help. I think you YABU, teach your child not to lie.

DeffoNeedANameChange · 01/04/2025 20:48

There's exactly zero chance that your child was on a roof significantly higher than the teacher's own head, and the teacher made her jump off.

Speak to the school.

Anewdawnanewname · 01/04/2025 20:49

Maybe if you complain, they’ll remember that they forgot to give her a sanction. She would get a temporary exclusion for it at my school in order to deter others from climbing on a roof, not a detention.

Isthisit22 · 01/04/2025 20:50

Nothing happened. Let it go

NautilusLionfish · 01/04/2025 20:50

All is well that ends well. Somethings don't need to be sweated about. Find fault. Blame. Things happen. In the end no one got hurt. In the grand scheme of things, its nothing.

In my language we have a saying "the hare's arsehole only got big (was perceived to be big or became a big deal) because someone or some people repeatedly said come and see it/this". In other words you are making a big deal out of nothing op

nam3c4ang3 · 01/04/2025 20:50

I mean - she won't be lying again anytime soon will she. Sorry but if she is silly enough to lie, then she will have to face the consequences of that lie - in this case, the teacher called her bluff.

Original poster
hereslooking · 01/04/2025 20:50

Again I’m incredibly annoyed with dd. Very happy for her to be punished at school and surprised she’s not been. I would not be arguing any actual punishment the teacher suggested.

She shouldn’t have agreed to get lifted up on the roof and she shouldn’t have lied about it.
She’s Y7, never been in trouble before and felt pressured to help and then not stitch on much older boys. But ultimately she was the one who was stupid and made those decisions and she should be in trouble.

OP posts:
ZebedeeDougalFlorence · 01/04/2025 20:52

Okay...we all need to imagine that we are 12 again. A boy lifts you onto the roof to get his bag. As a young girl you're showing off a bit that you are courageous and confident. When the teacher comes along and asks how you got up there do you a) tell on your friends OR b) fall on your sword and take the blame yourself without implicating your mates? she chose the latter. In child world she is a heroine.

Pricelessadvice · 01/04/2025 20:53

Another way of looking at it is if in the process of getting down with help from the boys, imagine she had landed on/hurt another child.
Sometimes teachers have to make quick decisions and she obviously felt that it was too risky having other children involved.

rwalker · 01/04/2025 20:53

I’m sure the teacher assessed the situation a sounds like she was on single storey flat roof which if she could of got on by been given a leg up can’t be more than 9 foot so if she lowered herself over the edge she’d have to drop about 4ft
I presume we’re not talking a 3 storey building

I'm behind the teacher
rather than complaining about the teacher tell your daughter not to lie and climb on roofs

what does stand out you seem to think it’s everyone’s fault but your daughters
boys For helping and talking her into it to the teacher by the way they dealt with and your DD was just foolish

bathroomadviceneeded · 01/04/2025 20:53

As a teacher, I'm so sick of parents defending or minimising their kids lying. Even when their lies are proven to be false with evidence, they turn it around and make excuses for it. I personally think that lying is really serious and should be dealt with firmly by the parents.

My own DC would be (and have been) in a lot of trouble for lying to a teacher.

Deckedoutside · 01/04/2025 20:53

If they boys had got hurt helping it would have been even worse. Teacher was right not to include them in any recovery.

Perhaps she would have been better to have called emergency services to get her down but since she managed it safely then it seems like it would have been a waste of public services.

Original poster
hereslooking · 01/04/2025 20:54

DeffoNeedANameChange · 01/04/2025 20:48

There's exactly zero chance that your child was on a roof significantly higher than the teacher's own head, and the teacher made her jump off.

Speak to the school.

It’s definitely much higher than the teachers head.

it’s a building they have lessons in that is raised by steps.

OP posts:
JustMyView13 · 01/04/2025 20:54

hereslooking · 01/04/2025 20:50

Again I’m incredibly annoyed with dd. Very happy for her to be punished at school and surprised she’s not been. I would not be arguing any actual punishment the teacher suggested.

She shouldn’t have agreed to get lifted up on the roof and she shouldn’t have lied about it.
She’s Y7, never been in trouble before and felt pressured to help and then not stitch on much older boys. But ultimately she was the one who was stupid and made those decisions and she should be in trouble.

So punish her, as her parent.
If you don’t feel as though the school have punished her suitably, you can parent her and discipline her yourself.

ZebedeeDougalFlorence · 01/04/2025 20:57

I wonder why the teacher didn't help her down? She sounds like one of those sadistic PE teachers from the old days.

Ablondiebutagoody · 01/04/2025 20:57

hereslooking · 01/04/2025 20:29

She did say that, that’s the point.

Show quote history

But she was wrong. Teacher was right. She did get down safely

Sherrystrull · 01/04/2025 20:58

Foughtabadgerandwon · 01/04/2025 20:38

Well then they're a poor teacher aren't they? They obviously don't understand kids very well 🙄

That was to @Sherrystrull

Edited

Oh right. So mind reading is what teachers need to do now. Honestly.

Pomegranatecarnage · 01/04/2025 20:58

I am a teacher, and have seen boys scale fences but never a year 7 pupil climb onto a roof. It my school it would be a temporary exclusion for dangerous behaviour. If I saw it happen it would be difficult as we couldn’t leave the scene, but as we are not allowed to carry phones and only SLT have radios, the only solution would be to entrust a child to get help.