Page 12 | Dd(12) teacher irresponsible/put her at risk

Calliopespa · 02/04/2025 18:51

busymomtoone · 02/04/2025 18:30

She’s 12 not 2! You should be having a word with your daughter for being so daft as to climb onto a roof. The teacher was extremely kind to give her the get out - she stayed to check your daughter descended safely when your daughter had claimed she got up there herself. She sent the other children away to avoid embarrassing her. At any point your daughter could have been honest and admitted she didn’t get up there alone. On top of that , she didn’t even get detention! The fact you are whinging about the teacher rather than dealing with your daughter’s irresponsible behaviour says it all.

The teacher was beyond incredible. Most adults would walk away and leave a child stuck on a roof. 🙄

Calliopespa · 02/04/2025 18:52

TheWonderhorse · 02/04/2025 08:48

You say that like it's a stupid idea. But if my 12 year old was on a roof and the school refused to help her down, then I would absolutely go, with a ladder, and get her down. Of course I would.

What she did was stupid and I'd be worried about her being coerced into doing dangerous things. But the teacher should have been the responsible adult and helped her down.

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I’d go too if the teacher wasn’t going to help.

Calliopespa · 02/04/2025 18:54

TheWonderhorse · 02/04/2025 13:02

Whether OPs DD was wrong to go up there has no relevance to whether, given that DD has got up there, the teacher should have helped her down. Unless you're suggesting that a potential broken ankle is a direct punishment for the bad behaviour.

Posters can't have it both ways, either she was safe on the roof and therefore not reckless, merely crossing a boundary. The same as using the wrong stairs or entering a cupboard to retrieve a bag.

Or she did something dangerous, in which case the child's safety comes first and a heavy punishment, for being so stupid, later.

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Exactly

Kate240 · 02/04/2025 19:03

Jesus let kids breath. Did you all never get a footsie over a fence or a wall to retrieve a ball? Never climbed a tree? Never slid down a bannister rail? Never lied to a teacher? Come off it. You're all so perfect? Doubt it.

To be marched into an extreme disciplinary for just being a kid - ridiculous.....

No wonder there's an entire generation of kids being raised with zero resilience, lacking in confidence, experiencing the worst mental health crisis in history. She did what kids do - what they need to do - be a bit silly, test themselves, feel capable, protect their mates, get out of dodge - it's what kids have been doing throughout generations! She got on a roof to retrieve a bag with the help of some 15yr old children. A teacher made her get down. She got down! The end. Period.

OP might be worried which is understandable, she's the Mum, and she needs to hold the line of 'well that will teach you' as per what @ScartlettSole said.

But anything else is blowing the whole event entirely out of proportion.

C152 · 02/04/2025 19:13

I would be letting this one go. Your daughter was totally in the wrong; the teacher let her off. Your DD has learnt her lesson. That would be the end of the story as far as I am concerned.

What sort of outcome are you hoping for? The teacher, your daugher and the older boys to all be punished? That's certainly not going to win your DD any friends.

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 02/04/2025 19:20

ExtraOnions · 01/04/2025 20:13

So DD climbs on a roof she’s not supposed to be on, lies to a teacher, and then get’s herself down … and the one you are annoyed at is the teacher?

Had the Teacher allowed the boys to help, and she had been hurt - then I suppose that would also be the Teachers fault

It’s Parents like you that make it hard for Schools to instill discipline … raising your Children with zero accountability.

This

And they wonder why teachers are leaving

Your DD climbed a roof then lied and the teacher gets the complaint?!?!?

Yes maybe the teacher was wrong but those in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones… dealing with your lying daughter who thinks it’s ok to climbs roofs before you complain

Hoppinggreen · 02/04/2025 19:27

If another child had been hurt trying to help your DD having been told/allowed to do it by a Teacher the teacher would have been in big trouble.
Your DD was at fault here at every point, if she really didn't think she could get down safely she should have politely told the teacher she couldn't do it and they probably would have found an alternative

YourWildAmberSloth · 02/04/2025 20:08

Were these older boys from the school? What would you have said/done if your daughter had been injured while they helped her down? Would you blame the teacher for placing your daughter's safety in the hands of other children? Your daughter did something stupid, be thankful that she wasn't hurt, but if she had been, she would only have herself to blame.

Doubledenim305 · 02/04/2025 20:11

School have handled.it well I think. Not giving her a detention will probably be because they think she got a fright and learned her lesson.
Hopefully she has and for what it's worth, teachers aren't a nasty, child hating bunch. They love working with kids, 'get' them and usually are working their socks off to do right by them. School and home should be on the same side.

roaringmouse · 02/04/2025 20:22

Schools and teachers have a duty of care (in loco parentis), and part of that duty is to assess risk in the moment, not just apply rules or consequences. In this case, even if the teacher was frustrated or wanted to make a point, the focus should have been on ensuring your daughter’s immediate safety first and foremost.

Yes, your daughter lied, but children do lie, especially if they’re worried about getting others into trouble or fear punishment. That’s part of adolescence. Adults in a safeguarding role are meant to see past that and respond with proportionality, care, and awareness of developmental behaviours.

The situation could easily have led to physical harm. That’s not a reasonable consequence — it’s a potential safeguarding lapse.

beingmefinally · 02/04/2025 20:27

The teacher was there with your DD and making sure she was safe. She told the other children to go away which was responsible. The teacher didn’t want anyone hurt. Your DD had her teacher there the whole time while she got down to make sure she was safe. Had the teacher left her there whether it was to get help or anything else then that would be wrong, but she stayed with your DD. She didn’t want any other children to try and help because she needed to get rid of bystanders and no more children putting themselves at risk. There was one child who needed help (your DD on the roof). No other children should be involved AT ALL!! No children should be doing this in the first place. Your daughter shouldn’t be on the roof in the first place and should have asked a teacher to retrieve the bag! Your DD then lied about this! She put herself in danger. It isn’t as if the teacher said to your daughter “Please climb on the roof. Get the bag and come down again.” The teacher is the only sensible one in this entire situation.
Your daughter shouldn’t lie and probably did so because she knew it was wrong.

Spinmerightroundbaby · 02/04/2025 22:19

hereslooking · 01/04/2025 20:04

Want to gauge reactions on if I’m being unreasonable regarding incident with Dd(12) and teachers response and what I should expect to happen.

At lunch there were some older boys outside where her and her friends were and one of them threw anothers bag up on to the roof of an outbuilding. DD ended up volunteering to be lifted her up onto the roof to get the bag off and when she was up there a teacher walked past and saw.

She was asked who helped her up and she lied and said that she climbed up on her own to avoid getting the boy in trouble as well. She obviously told how dangerous and stupid it was to be up there and if she fell how she could end up seriously hurt. All the boys offered to help her down safely and dd said that she did want want help/ didn’t want to jump on her own.

The teacher then made all the other kids leave and said she was waiting there untill dd got herself down, which she did and managed to not hurt herself.

Dd was expecting to be given a detention or something or to called out of class and spoken to further all afternoon but nothing happened.

AIBU to be annoyed? I think the teacher handled this terribly and was irresponsible to force dd to jump down

YABU. Your daughter said she didn’t want help, it is not like the teacher prohibited anyone from helping her do so. It also doesn’t sound like your daughter was hurt so obviously it wasn’t that far a jump down. She’s lucky she didn’t get a detention and the teacher sounds like she dealt with the matter appropriately. If she’d physically helped her down, in the current climate, it could’ve been turned against the teacher in some way.

PorridgeEater · 02/04/2025 23:39

Lucyccfc68 · 01/04/2025 21:23

No wonder we have such a shortage of teachers. Students behaves in a dangerous and irresponsible way and then lies (great parenting) and then the parent wants to blame the teacher.

This.
So easy to blame the teacher who was put on the spot and did their best to help

FindingNeverland28 · 03/04/2025 05:17

If the teacher allowed the boys to help DD down and someone got hurt, then the teacher would be in trouble. DD said she got herself up there, so she can get herself down.

VickyEadieofThigh · 03/04/2025 09:09

hereslooking · 01/04/2025 22:00

I don’t hate teachers, I have never gone in and complained. (And I’m not going to) 6 dc including step who have been in same school.

I don’t know this teacher, dd thinks he’s a gcse subject teacher

I would not be questioning the teacher telling off dd off or him punishing her. The point is I’m surprised she hasn’t been.

Her not being "punished" was definitely NOT your original "point" and you know it. You wanted a cartload of people to agree with your fury at this teacher.

And very often, a telling off IS the "punishment" and it's enough, especially if it's a younger child who hasn't been in trouble before.

pimplebum · 03/04/2025 09:20

you can’t ask children to assist , If she had hurt one of the boys on her way down or if one of the boys had put his hand somewhere he shouldn’t that teacher would be in trouble

the teacher assessed that she was capable of getting down safely - and she was !

also I’m sure it was time for them to be in lessons so teacher did the right thing and removed an audience and lessened the drama

it’s a bit odd that you wish to cause trouble for a teacher whose did the right thing and told her off (and hopefully the person who put the bag up there in the first place )

no harm done , why cause such stress just before Easter holidays ?

TwinklySquid · 03/04/2025 17:34

If she lied and said she got up herself, the teacher probably assumed she climbed up so could climb down as oppose to jump.

Getting other kids involved could have backfired if they got hurt

Superhansrantowindsor · 05/04/2025 08:17

roaringmouse · 02/04/2025 20:22

Schools and teachers have a duty of care (in loco parentis), and part of that duty is to assess risk in the moment, not just apply rules or consequences. In this case, even if the teacher was frustrated or wanted to make a point, the focus should have been on ensuring your daughter’s immediate safety first and foremost.

Yes, your daughter lied, but children do lie, especially if they’re worried about getting others into trouble or fear punishment. That’s part of adolescence. Adults in a safeguarding role are meant to see past that and respond with proportionality, care, and awareness of developmental behaviours.

The situation could easily have led to physical harm. That’s not a reasonable consequence — it’s a potential safeguarding lapse.

Well we haven’t seen the actual climb down. The fact that op says she got down on her own suggests that the teacher did assess it and thought it was a reasonable request for her to come down by herself with an adult watching. We don’t know though without seeing it.

Catontoof · 05/04/2025 08:43

MentallyDatingDaveGrohl · 01/04/2025 20:08

If she hadn’t lied they wouldn’t have made her get down alone.
They were obviously proving a point, if she’d fessed up she’d have been helped down. She suffered the consequences of her own actions and no harm done.
Be annoyed at her for telling lies.

thats mot the point snd quite warped view. The child could have hurt herself so putting her at risk trying to make a point is as safeguarding issue

mamajong · 05/04/2025 08:47

ExtraOnions · 01/04/2025 20:13

So DD climbs on a roof she’s not supposed to be on, lies to a teacher, and then get’s herself down … and the one you are annoyed at is the teacher?

Had the Teacher allowed the boys to help, and she had been hurt - then I suppose that would also be the Teachers fault

It’s Parents like you that make it hard for Schools to instill discipline … raising your Children with zero accountability.

This! Your DD is in the wrong for doing something so reckless and lying in the first place and you're here blaming the teacher?! No wonder DD gets into these scrapes knowing you'll take her side and blame the school anyway - what a joke!

1SillySossij · 05/04/2025 08:56

Superhansrantowindsor · 05/04/2025 08:17

Well we haven’t seen the actual climb down. The fact that op says she got down on her own suggests that the teacher did assess it and thought it was a reasonable request for her to come down by herself with an adult watching. We don’t know though without seeing it.

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You are right, none of us have seen the climdown, but more importantly neither has the op.
However the teacher has, and judged it doable without injury, and was proved right!. Yet still the op considers she was right and the teacher was wrong!!

roaringmouse · 05/04/2025 12:09

My post was more about the duty to see past the childs behaviour and assess the situation according to safeguarding principles, which many posters on this thread seem not to be aware of, or think do not apply.

Whether they were in fact applied in this case is hard for any of us to know for certain, even though the child was unharmed.

I can understand the teacher not involving any other students. That makes total sense. My concern however relates to OP saying her daughter was forced to jump down on her own.

Fancycheese · 05/04/2025 12:19

All sounds v overblown. Kid was fine. And kids do stupid things. The amount of people on here making it sound as though she held up a bank or murdered someone is ridiculous. Obviously have a word with her about lying and listening to older boys, but you’ll all laugh about it in the future. Poor teacher, bet they wished they hadn’t walked past 😂

DadBodAlready · 06/04/2025 19:04

hereslooking · 01/04/2025 20:14

I get that dd was stupid for both getting up there and then lying about it and happy for her to be punished appropriately.

but its the fact that the teacher acknowledged how dangerous it is and how she could get seriously hurt + Dd said she wanted to help getting down and didn’t feel safe jumping.

glad she’s fine but what would have happening if she’d fell and teacher had forced her to jump even though she said she didn’t want to.

Why are you looking for someone else to blame?

Your DD was an idiot and needs to be accountable and own her mistakes. And you as a parent need to accept that accountability, not look for excuses for your DD and cause issues for someone else over because of her poor judgement.