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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don’t want her in my house

241 replies

Doornon · 01/04/2025 17:22

We just moved house and it was complete carnage. Short notice couldn’t get movers. Couldn’t get much time off work. Our house is beyond a bombsite. Step children mum will be picking them up this week and I know the kids will want to show her around, it is their home so I feel I can’t object but I really don’t want her in this early while it’s in this state looking round the rooms. It feels so invasive and so private to me while it’s so disorganised and I have said to DP I know it’s exciting but there is nothing to see but complete mess. Plus my own family have not even visited here before I will have this woman I don’t really know nosing about. AIBU to be bothered by this and ask DP not to or just suck it up for the kids sake

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 01/04/2025 17:23

The kids are excited to show her their new house. You’ll look petty if you say no. I’d just suck it up tbh.

MellowPinkDeer · 01/04/2025 17:23

I would politely ask her to step inside to see the kids rooms once they are ready for visitors. No harm in that. Moving is hard work and I’m sure she will understand.

Original poster
Doornon · 01/04/2025 17:25

I’m really happy for her to come in when it’s all set up but we are sleeping on the floor on mattresses surrounded by clothes! I was up till 2am trying to sort stuff and had to go to work at 8am and I just can’t get it straight to have visitors in time.

OP posts:
FatLarrysBanned · 01/04/2025 17:26

It would be a cold day in hell before I'd let DP's ex step over my threshold. When the kids pay the mortgage they can decide who gets an invite. You may be more charitable than me and extend an invite when things are a little more organised...

ExtraOnions · 01/04/2025 17:26

When you move house, nobody expects you to be sorted for weeks / months.

Original poster
Doornon · 01/04/2025 17:27

ExtraOnions · 01/04/2025 17:26

When you move house, nobody expects you to be sorted for weeks / months.

No I get this but currently looks like a squat that’s been raided by the FBI

OP posts:
RareMaker · 01/04/2025 17:28

Letting your self not care is massively empowering. Let her in.

Elunajeya · 01/04/2025 17:28

‘We’ll have your mummy in when we’re all sorted’.

ForFunGoose · 01/04/2025 17:30

I would show her now and pass no apology for the mess. Let the children show her their room while you’re in the kitchen. She doesn’t need a full tour or an invitation to stay for coffee.

Original poster
Doornon · 01/04/2025 17:31

They won’t just show their room and this is part of my issue. My kids room and my room I strongly object to

OP posts:
MellowPinkDeer · 01/04/2025 17:32

Doornon · 01/04/2025 17:25

I’m really happy for her to come in when it’s all set up but we are sleeping on the floor on mattresses surrounded by clothes! I was up till 2am trying to sort stuff and had to go to work at 8am and I just can’t get it straight to have visitors in time.

Do not feel pressured at all. My kids showed their Dad once their beds etc were here and their rooms were organised with their things unpacked. My SD mum never wanted to come in as is her choice. I wouldn’t be forced into it in circumstances I felt uncomfortable in though and I would extend the invite when I was ready.

MellowPinkDeer · 01/04/2025 17:33

Doornon · 01/04/2025 17:31

They won’t just show their room and this is part of my issue. My kids room and my room I strongly object to

And hell no, she doesn’t need to see your room or your kids rooms, just downstairs and their rooms.

PricklyLikeCactus · 01/04/2025 17:34

“Hi, nice to see you, yes, we’re all loving the new space, we’re in chaos here still but we’ll have to show you around one day when things get more sorted! Byeeee”

Coffeeishot · 01/04/2025 17:35

Elunajeya · 01/04/2025 17:28

‘We’ll have your mummy in when we’re all sorted’.

This, also the children need to accept that you and your children deserve privacy, I'd never show anybody my bedroom. You need their dad to parent them.

lnks · 01/04/2025 17:35

Why do you feel the need to present a certain image of your life to their mum? You have just moved house, anyone would know it would be carnage

Semiramide · 01/04/2025 17:35

this woman I don’t really know nosing about

There must be some backstory...

RandomMess · 01/04/2025 17:36

Tell the DC Mum can see their rooms once they have been decorated.

Balloonney · 01/04/2025 17:37

just suck it up for the kids sake

Yep. Presumably it's your partners home too and it's obviously habitable enough for the children to stay. Just say absolutely not to going into the other rooms.

Chamomileteaplease · 01/04/2025 17:40

I am not sure why you would care about anyone seeing mess when you have just moved! It's to be expected.

I would rather she saw it now, when there isn't much to see, than later when it will be your home and all your stuff will be out 🙂.

Charlize43 · 01/04/2025 17:52

I'm sure she's seen mess before, especially when just moving into a new home.

Suggest to her that she brings a case of Prosecco for housewarming and relax. Have fun. Mess can be decor too!

Delphiniumandlupins · 01/04/2025 17:52

I think this soon after moving boxes and mess are excusable. Put furniture or a pile of boxes in your and your DC bedroom doorways so they're simply not accessible. If she's reasonable she may take a hint that you're uncomfortable, or your DH takes the lead and tells his DC to "just show mummy your room".

SallyD00lally · 01/04/2025 17:54

Doornon · 01/04/2025 17:25

I’m really happy for her to come in when it’s all set up but we are sleeping on the floor on mattresses surrounded by clothes! I was up till 2am trying to sort stuff and had to go to work at 8am and I just can’t get it straight to have visitors in time.

But then you'll still have a 'woman you don't really know' in your house, so that's just an excuse.

Let the kids show her their new home if they're excited.

You've just moved in, no-one's going to expect perfection.

Somanyoption · 01/04/2025 17:56

How long ago did you move?

are they with you 50/50?

dirtyyoungtown · 01/04/2025 17:57

Of Course you don’t have to let her in.

Polite tell her that it’s not convenient as you’ve barely moved in and nothing is unpacked, and she can be shown round by the SCs once you’re ready.

She has no right to entry of your home.

Somanyoption · 01/04/2025 17:59

Doornon · 01/04/2025 17:31

They won’t just show their room and this is part of my issue. My kids room and my room I strongly object to

So you don’t think they will respect your reasonable request to show them their rooms and family areas?