I don’t want her in my house

[Doornon]

We just moved house and it was complete carnage. Short notice couldn’t get movers. Couldn’t get much time off work. Our house is beyond a bombsite. Step children mum will be picking them up this week and I know the kids will want to show her around, it is their home so I feel I can’t object but I really don’t want her in this early while it’s in this state looking round the rooms. It feels so invasive and so private to me while it’s so disorganised and I have said to DP I know it’s exciting but there is nothing to see but complete mess. Plus my own family have not even visited here before I will have this woman I don’t really know nosing about. AIBU to be bothered by this and ask DP not to or just suck it up for the kids sake

But not you and your ex I presume?

See I also would be sweaty thinking about yesterday's pants 😀

Blimey. I live quite a distance from DD’s dad - we’ve both stayed over in each other’s houses (him with the new wife) when DD had things going on that made it the easiest way to manage. Even in the early days we would both go inside in order to collect DD, not stand like a salesman at the door.
And as for the PP who thought the ex would be interested in the house - why would she? I couldn’t care less what exH’s house is like as long as DD is warm and comfortable there.

It's not petty or insecure to not want someone poking around your bedroom.

I wouldn't have let DH's ex anywhere near ours. I couldn't have stood the bleating about how hard done by she was.

This. Who gives a fuck what she thinks? If she judges you for a messy house just after moving that’s on her.

Why would she ‘poke around’? She might look in if her children opened the door I guess, but ‘poke around’?

I don't understand this if there's no animosity, isn't it better for her to see the house without all the personal touches done, less invasive at this point imo and it's also not just your house is it.

Well no. But I think I could be forgiven for not wanting to enter the home of my rapist who also slapped me around for good measure. 🤷🏼‍♀️

His current partner is very nice though. Still don’t want to go in her bedroom like but each to their own.

Then just say "when everything is sorted you can show her your lovely new rooms" and leave it there.

Why is it snooping? OP thinks her children will want to show their mum. Snooping is a really nasty word for it.

She won’t be poking around though will she? Even if the children open the door she’ll just look in. Though it’s entirely valid to ask them not to if it makes the OP uncomfortable.

We've had 'snooping' and 'poking' so far 🤣

It is a no from me. I had a step-child, his mother never came anywhere near my flat or house.

I wouldn't want her even looking in. There's no need and it's none of her business. If I let her in the house I would go round with the step kids making sure they only showed her what was agreed, e.g. their rooms.

Was there a reason for animosity? There doesn’t seem to be with the OP.
Unless there is not coming ‘anywhere near’ seems odd.

If she's coming to pick them up, shuffle kids out of the door, & say.
It's a bomb site here, You don't want to see it today. then stand in the way ! (explain to kids before.)

or Offer to drop them off !

Why do you give a flying fuck what she thinks? Do you think she’s going to tell all her mates that your house is messy? So what if she does - it says everything about her and nothing about you.

And that’s fair enough. But the language about this woman whose only crime seems to be having married to OP’s husband first and not really being known to the OP has been really nasty (but hasn’t been used by the OP, which suggests it’s uncalled for).

Maybe these are descriptions from people who have ex partners to them or their partner who would snoop and poke?

My aunt's ex was caught looking in boxes in their bedroom when his son let him in to see their new house.

My friends DHs ex was allowed in the garden for her DSDs prom (she lives with them), her DHs decision, and kept trying to get into the house "to see what was different to hers". She told her daughter that.

Some people snoop. Maybe OP knows this of this woman and doesn't want her home being snooped round.

I agree with a pp. I’d rather have her in the house when she has no idea what the end result will be. All she’ll see is boxes everywhere and empty walls etc.. before you’ve turned the house in to your home.

I understand why you don’t want her to see your DC’s bedroom because she might compare the two bedrooms eg size. Your dc’s bedroom might be bigger and she might complain about it. Or your dc’s bedroom might be smaller and she might feel smug about it.

Maybe they are. But can’t these people appreciate not all situations are the same? The OP doesn’t suggest she’s worried about overly nosy behaviour.

But does state she doesn't want her in her house. She must feel that way for some reason.

She might complain or feel smug? Why does everyone hate this unknown woman so much?

Because she doesn’t know her. That’s the reason she’s given.

Do you have a good relationship with her? I would just call her or text her to explain and ask her to come in the next time she is over. Most of this can be sorted before hand without the kids even knowing and most people would be really understanding.