I called him a f**king tramp. DH overheard and is now furious

[ionlysaidone1]

Aibu?

DHs older son is 14. He doesn't treat the house with any respect when he's here and I understand that can just be teens so I try so hard to bite my tongue.

But one thing I cannot stand is the state of the toilet whenever he's here. He will literally piss all over it, down the back of the toilet, sometimes it's on the floor etc..

I have tried REPEATEDLY to bring this up with DH who minimises completely saying it's not that bad, only takes two seconds to clean up, I'm exaggerating, it's not his son despite it only happening when he's here obviously.

I have taken to shouting DSS in every time I notice it and making him clean the toilet but it's still happening. He's revolting.

Anyway, tonight I came to use the bathroom after SS and lo and behold the seat is a mess again, piss in the back between the cistern and toilet seat. I was so annoyed that I just went WHAT A FUCKING TRAMP! And then shouted SS to get in there and clean it up.

SS didn't hear the tramp comment but DH did and now he's furious.

I've apologised for calling SS a tramp

but said I won't apologise for being angry at this happening AGAIN.

H thinks I've committed some cardinal sin calling his son a tramp but honestly, if the shoe fits! If he doesn't like it he should do more to get through to his son.

I'm so over this situation it's disgusting.

The lives some people lead…

Surely you make dh clean it up? He will know it wasn't him but his precious ds... He can clean it up every time if he won't parent his scruffy buggar dc...

Dh needs to clean it, if he won't make his son clean it.

Is there more than one loo in your house? Can you designate one loo for female use only?

Make DH clean it up. Every time.

The ambiguity. I love it.

It’s good at least the son cleans it when you call him and well done for you calling it every time!

😂

I have tried REPEATEDLY to bring this up with DH who minimises completely saying it's not that bad, only takes two seconds to clean up

I bet he’s not the one doing it though, is he?🙄

What do you want your husband to think, if you speak to his child like that?

But if you seriously think you are fully justified, crack on.

You shouldn't have called him a fucking tramp. That's insulting. To tramps. Agree your DH needs to either parent or clean.

Fucking hell. This is apparently a thing that boys/men do in order to intimidate girls/women. (I was listening to a thing about it on R4.) I mean, WTF?

Standing over them and making them scrub it clean, and I mean properly clean, is the only thing I can think of but it's no wonder men's facilities stink of piss.

Gross.

I wouldn't want to live with that.

H thinks I've committed some cardinal sin calling his son a tramp but honestly, if the shoe fits!

Well you have, absolutely no way I would have someone speaking to my kids like that. Everyone would be screaming abuse if it was him saying it to your kids.

Tell DH to clear it up every time.

Disgusting pigs.

But you’d be ok with letting your son repeatedly pee all over the loo then not cleaning it yourself and letting your partner do it?

Have you got two loos? I’d be banning him from using one of them that would then become my loo. Lock on the door if need be.

Absolutely gross 🤢

Genuinely can't work out whether he's upset that you were rude to tramps or to your son.

Well either him or your DSS needs to clean it.

But calling him a tramp (and swearing too) is too much.

Did I say that?
Children will do all sorts of things don’t agree with or don’t like, from not listening, being messy, staying out past a curfew, the answer is not to scream that they are a “fucking tramp. It’s utterly mental that people think that’s an acceptable way for an adult to speak to a 14 year old. It’s abusive.

OP did not call SS a tramp.
He did not hear.
Seems it was more an instinctive reactive remark in frustration/annoyance at the same thing recurring.

She didn't say it to him she said it about him.

As so many women on MN - you have a DH problem.

If your DH says it’s ’not that bad’ call him in to clean it up. Everytime. I guarantee you after the first time he’ll be kicking off at DS.

DDs room is often messy and I used to be the one to break and clean it whilst yelling. DH said I was being hard on DD and it wasn’t that bad.

Things changed when I told him to start cleaning it, suddenly we were aligned on telling DD to clean her room because it looked like skidrow.

They are ok with it because they know you will clean it up.

I'd be questioning my life choices if my SS regularly did that and my DH didn't support me in telling him how horrible that is and make him clean it up. I have 2 DS, they are both in their twenties, they have never done this. I'm not saying they never had an accident when little of course, but they never make a mess, or at least if they do they clean it up before I see it. Why? because they are respectful and clean human beings. What you are going through is horrible and it would make me leave to be honest, they are completely disrespectful of you (both SS and DH).

This is teenage boys tbh

Your husband should be enforcing him cleaning it up

But you shout at him every time, and you called him a tramp - poor kid

He is a fucking tramp. Truth hurts! Let DH get upset because it’s ok for his son to piss everywhere so if we’re gunna start living in ways that upset others without correction then I will say he is fucking tramp each and every time I find his piss on the toilet. Why is it not ok for his son to be potentially upset but ok for you to be upset. Fuck that, fuck your husband and fuck his child who can’t piss properly.

I would not have kept calm this long.

had this with my exs two and tbh my ex was like boys that is disgusting and disrespectful to EG94 it ends now. And it did tbf

Absolute bollocks it is. Please, raise your standards. I grew up with two brothers, a dad, I’ve have had two husbands, a step son and loads of male friends and I have never known any of them behave so revoltingly.

It’s not normal. It’s not acceptable.