SIL furious about Mother’s Day, were we wrong?

[FreakingOutRightNow123]

Background:

I have no children so always see my parent’s on the actual Mother’s Day / Father’s Day to celebrate.

I have several siblings who are parents themselves however and quite rightly the actual day is about celebrating them / their partners so they organise something with my parents for another day.

This has been our usual routine for years.

The situation:

My siblings took my parents out for lunch to celebrate Mother’s Day last Saturday; this included my DB. I didn’t attend as I already had plans with my parents for yesterday.

DB was supposed to be taking SIL and their 2 children out to celebrate Mother’s Day yesterday however late Saturday afternoon, SIL’s mother called to say she was back early from holiday (after having an argument with her partner) so was available to celebrate Mother’s Day after all and invited all her children and grandchildren to her house but NOT their partners as she wanted to just spend time with her children and grandchildren only. SIL decided to take her mum up on her offer and cancelled with DB saying her mum was probably upset about the falling out with her partner, they could celebrate another time etc. Considering it was Mother’s Day, DB accepted it with good grace as at the end of that day it was SIL’s day so he wanted her to do what she wanted.

My plan was to cook for my parents at home however DB called to explain the situation and asked if we wanted to go out to eat as he had a reservation for 4 people going begging (it was too late to cancel and he would have lost his £200 deposit) so my parents and I agreed and went to the restaurant he originally planned to take SIL and the kids too. Now just to be clear, I paid for everyone in full (gave DB back his deposit) as it was supposed to be my treat anyway.

SIL is now furious with all four of us and our “disgusting behaviour” and after several tongue lashings is not speaking to any of us.

The way I see it, SIL cancelled in favour of her mother and so DB was at a loose end (we didn’t hijack him away from her), he was going to lose £200 for the reservation but now hasn’t (in fact he got a free meal out of it) and SIL is still free to go to the restaurant another time like she suggested herself. It’s also not like DB spent the day doing anything nefarious either, he literally spent Mother’s Day with his mother only because SIL wasn’t available. I honestly don’t see how SIL lost out by us going instead.

So were we wrong?

Oh and just to be clear, there is nothing particularly meaningful or special about the restaurant other than that it does good food; we’ve all been there several times both together and separately. In fact, we’ve been going there as a family long before SIL was even in the picture so the particular restaurant is not the issue.

£200 deposit 😳

I have read this a few times and STILL can't understand what SIL is complaining about?! Because her DH went out to celebrate Mothers' Day without her? That he went to a restaurant with his own mother? While she was away celebrating it with her own mother?

Nope. I still can't see her angle for 'refusing to speak to anyone again' about it...? What, exactly, are you all supposed to have done?

She's being unreasonable. She chose what she wanted to do on the day, her family didn't lose out financially in any way, so what exactly does she have to be angry about?

I cant believe you need to ask this question

What are you doubting about whether you've all been reasonable or not?

In effect you took your parents, yourself and your brother out to dinner. No biggie, doesnt reallly matter what restaurant it was or whether it was already booked for another reason

What did she want him to do all day then some jobs around the house or something?

In fact dont even answer that, dont engage with her thinking, dont ask questions of her thought processes, pay it no mind at all, its ridiculous.

I mean he probably should have told her that's what he was going to do even just a quick text (He may have done this you don't say). "Hope you're having a nice time with your mum, rather than sitting around at home and so the reservation doesn't go to waste I am going to head out with mum and sis, see you when you get home"

If she seriously expected him to just sit at home and pine for her while she disappears out and ruins his plans then she seems very controlling and self centred.

What is it that she's so furious about? And how rude to have a go at you and your parents!

£200 deposit for 4 people???

I genuinely don’t understand why she thinks was “disgusting behaviour”?

What on earth is she saying in her tongue lashings? She's off her rocker. I think she was awful to exclude your DB at the last minute anyway and he sounds like he took it with good grace. He then got to spend then day in a different way.

Did she actually want him to lose the deposit? Are they staggeringly wealthy? Pretty bizarre behaviour all round, including her mother excluding your brother from the invite.

What did your SIL expect your brother to do? Go to the restaurant on his own or stay at home on his own?

She was the one that backed out of a pre-arranged Mother's Day meal with her husband and children so she could celebrate with her own mum, without her DH.

Your DB and your SIL have saved £200 that they would have lost. Your SIL should be grateful about that.

Is she normally this difficult and arsey?

Yes 50 quid a head, not particularly expensive or outrageous for mothers day. Which is why its good advice to cook at home!!!

SIL is being bloody ridiculous

Struggling to see why SIL could think she is in the right. She cancelled and opted to see her mum, fair enough. The only unreasonable person I can see here is the SIL's mum who excluded partners. But again, no big deal IMO, she's allowed to invite who she wants at what seems to be an emotional time for her.

Of course you’re not being unreasonable. SIL is being ridiculous!

I honestly cannot see what your SIL's issue is?

She’s being childish and quite frankly should be embarrassed😳😂

Not sure why you paid for everything but your SIL is clearly nuts. I would just let your brother deal with her, surely she knew he had already paid for the deposit when she cancelled.

Is this a weird stealth boast?

Blimey, this is odd. I also don't see why you paid - there's a huge difference in price between an expensive meal out vs cooking at home. But whatever.

I can only assume she's pissed because her DH celebrated his mother twice? Bizarre.

What exactly is she complaining about?

I'm honestly lost as to what SIL's issue is? What has she said in her messages to you all?

Your SIL and her DM sound very similar. Your poor DB.

Why is she furious? Did she want your DB and you and your parents to stay at home when he had the chance to spend it with his mum? She got to do what she wanted and they can go to the restaurant another time? Leave it to DB to sort out but she is batshit crazy. Sounds like she is more cross she was manipulated by her mother and is deflecting as she maybe fancied the restaurant rather than going over to her mums. Also £200 deposit?!!!! That is extortionate.

What is her actual complaint?

YANBU.