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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

SIL furious about Mother’s Day, were we wrong?

457 replies

FreakingOutRightNow123 · 31/03/2025 14:36

Background:

I have no children so always see my parent’s on the actual Mother’s Day / Father’s Day to celebrate.

I have several siblings who are parents themselves however and quite rightly the actual day is about celebrating them / their partners so they organise something with my parents for another day.

This has been our usual routine for years.

The situation:

My siblings took my parents out for lunch to celebrate Mother’s Day last Saturday; this included my DB. I didn’t attend as I already had plans with my parents for yesterday.

DB was supposed to be taking SIL and their 2 children out to celebrate Mother’s Day yesterday however late Saturday afternoon, SIL’s mother called to say she was back early from holiday (after having an argument with her partner) so was available to celebrate Mother’s Day after all and invited all her children and grandchildren to her house but NOT their partners as she wanted to just spend time with her children and grandchildren only. SIL decided to take her mum up on her offer and cancelled with DB saying her mum was probably upset about the falling out with her partner, they could celebrate another time etc. Considering it was Mother’s Day, DB accepted it with good grace as at the end of that day it was SIL’s day so he wanted her to do what she wanted.

My plan was to cook for my parents at home however DB called to explain the situation and asked if we wanted to go out to eat as he had a reservation for 4 people going begging (it was too late to cancel and he would have lost his £200 deposit) so my parents and I agreed and went to the restaurant he originally planned to take SIL and the kids too. Now just to be clear, I paid for everyone in full (gave DB back his deposit) as it was supposed to be my treat anyway.

SIL is now furious with all four of us and our “disgusting behaviour” and after several tongue lashings is not speaking to any of us.

The way I see it, SIL cancelled in favour of her mother and so DB was at a loose end (we didn’t hijack him away from her), he was going to lose £200 for the reservation but now hasn’t (in fact he got a free meal out of it) and SIL is still free to go to the restaurant another time like she suggested herself. It’s also not like DB spent the day doing anything nefarious either, he literally spent Mother’s Day with his mother only because SIL wasn’t available. I honestly don’t see how SIL lost out by us going instead.

So were we wrong?

Oh and just to be clear, there is nothing particularly meaningful or special about the restaurant other than that it does good food; we’ve all been there several times both together and separately. In fact, we’ve been going there as a family long before SIL was even in the picture so the particular restaurant is not the issue.

OP posts:
Mnetcurious · 31/03/2025 15:24

Regretsmorethanafew · 31/03/2025 15:20

A 200 deposit on a meal for four?

£50 a head as a deposit on Mother’s Day (a day where demand outstrips supply so they’d definitely lose money if customers cancelled) doesn’t sound too unreasonable for a decent restaurant 🤷🏼‍♀️

Katiesaidthat · 31/03/2025 15:26

Mmmm, she sounds like my SIL who is jealous of my mum and I, no reason to be, she´s just wired that way. A friend told me so years ago, I took no notice as I am quite relaxed and think other are too. Your SIL wants to be the baby at the Christening, the bride at the wedding and the corpse at the funeral. Hence the toddler tantrum.

StartEngine · 31/03/2025 15:29

FrenchandSaunders · 31/03/2025 14:39

£200 deposit 😳

🙄

StartEngine · 31/03/2025 15:30

peachescariad · 31/03/2025 14:42

£200 deposit for 4 people???

Yes.

StartEngine · 31/03/2025 15:31

HollyBerryz · 31/03/2025 14:45

Is this a weird stealth boast?

Why?

StartEngine · 31/03/2025 15:31

Bailamosse · 31/03/2025 14:48

Your SIL and her DM sound very similar. Your poor DB.

Yes, sounds like the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.

Codlingmoths · 31/03/2025 15:31

is she always just bonkers?

StartEngine · 31/03/2025 15:32

Regretsmorethanafew · 31/03/2025 15:20

A 200 deposit on a meal for four?

Yes, that’s what she said.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 31/03/2025 15:33

I don’t get it either, she is the one who ditched your DB. He should be the one who is offended! Very strange, maybe she will be doing you all a favour by not speaking to you.

JoyousEagle · 31/03/2025 15:33

I don’t understand what she thinks anyone has done wrong here. She thinks her husband shouldn’t go out without her even when she’s gone out without him? Is that the issue? Did she not know about the specific reservation - is she annoyed because if she had known she wouldn’t have gone to her mum’s? She sounds a bit mad.

Cucy · 31/03/2025 15:34

I would actually say she seems quite abusive.

Has your DB mentioned any other concerning behaviour of hers?

I think it’s awful that she thinks it ok to drop DB last minute (but I understand the reasoning), to be ok with him losing out on a meal and £200 but not be ok with him spending it with his own mum on Mother’s Day because he’s going to the restaurant that she wanted to go to.

She sounds absolutely awful and I’d want to know exactly what her problem is and why she’d rather DB lose £200 because she’s jealous that she couldn’t go too.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 31/03/2025 15:34

Katiesaidthat · 31/03/2025 15:26

Mmmm, she sounds like my SIL who is jealous of my mum and I, no reason to be, she´s just wired that way. A friend told me so years ago, I took no notice as I am quite relaxed and think other are too. Your SIL wants to be the baby at the Christening, the bride at the wedding and the corpse at the funeral. Hence the toddler tantrum.

Never heard this saying - it’s great 🤣

noidea69 · 31/03/2025 15:34

The sister in law spent the afternoon having to listen to her mum moan on.

You all got to have a nice meal and she's annoyed she ended up getting the shitty end of the deal. Not your fault obviously but shes just unhappy at having a crap mothers day.

Scottishskifun · 31/03/2025 15:36

I net she saw it as her treat that you guys muscled in on despite the fact it was her who cancelled it!

LAMPS1 · 31/03/2025 15:36

Your SIL had the Mother’s Day she chose for herself.
On the face it, the rest of you then acted perfectly reasonably.

So either there’s a back story or she has form or she’s suddenly very jealous. Maybe her own MD celebration was not so good and she envisaged that you all had a much nicer, more civilised time and she suddenly became enraged. Is that what you are thinking OP?

When she started to complain, you must have asked what the problem was for her exactly. How is it possible for her to have accelerated her displeasure so suddenly as to give you tongue lashings, without you having a clue what it was that sent her raving mad. Such nonsense from her sadly. Hope your DM didn’t get to hear about it.

Neversayit · 31/03/2025 15:37

Why is she cross?
I don’t get it.

Thebloodynine · 31/03/2025 15:37

What disgusting behaviour? What did she actually say that you did wrong?

Does she definitely know that you paid or does she think he paid for you?

Sunbeam01 · 31/03/2025 15:38

I don't understand what your SIL could possibly be upset about.

If anything I think it's quite rude to say children and gtandchildren only - no Partners when married.

Ddakji · 31/03/2025 15:38

The only thing you did that was unreasonable is not go halves with your DB, given that he sprang this on you and it wasn’t your plan to go out for an expensive meal. That makes you sound like a bit of a doormat to be honest.

Itiswhysofew · 31/03/2025 15:38

SIL IBU. She couldn't be in two places at once, so why the bad feeling towards you all? She sounds controlling.

Treesarenotforeating · 31/03/2025 15:39

YANBU
wtf is she moaning about , stupid cow

MikeRafone · 31/03/2025 15:39

is she normally a irrational person?

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 31/03/2025 15:40

What a strange reaction from her. What does your brother say? Is he usually allowed to socialise freely with you without her? Was she hoping he would do some chores at home? Even so surely it has saved them money and he had to eat.

Cognacsoft · 31/03/2025 15:40

She wanted her dh to sit at his dm's with homemade Sunday dinner and is jealous he got a free treat in a restaurant.
I'd laugh in her face.

Cognacsoft · 31/03/2025 15:40

She wanted her dh to sit at his dm's with homemade Sunday dinner and is jealous he got a free treat in a restaurant.
I'd laugh in her face.

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