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Original poster

SIL furious about Mother’s Day, were we wrong?

457 replies

FreakingOutRightNow123 · 31/03/2025 14:36

Background:

I have no children so always see my parent’s on the actual Mother’s Day / Father’s Day to celebrate.

I have several siblings who are parents themselves however and quite rightly the actual day is about celebrating them / their partners so they organise something with my parents for another day.

This has been our usual routine for years.

The situation:

My siblings took my parents out for lunch to celebrate Mother’s Day last Saturday; this included my DB. I didn’t attend as I already had plans with my parents for yesterday.

DB was supposed to be taking SIL and their 2 children out to celebrate Mother’s Day yesterday however late Saturday afternoon, SIL’s mother called to say she was back early from holiday (after having an argument with her partner) so was available to celebrate Mother’s Day after all and invited all her children and grandchildren to her house but NOT their partners as she wanted to just spend time with her children and grandchildren only. SIL decided to take her mum up on her offer and cancelled with DB saying her mum was probably upset about the falling out with her partner, they could celebrate another time etc. Considering it was Mother’s Day, DB accepted it with good grace as at the end of that day it was SIL’s day so he wanted her to do what she wanted.

My plan was to cook for my parents at home however DB called to explain the situation and asked if we wanted to go out to eat as he had a reservation for 4 people going begging (it was too late to cancel and he would have lost his £200 deposit) so my parents and I agreed and went to the restaurant he originally planned to take SIL and the kids too. Now just to be clear, I paid for everyone in full (gave DB back his deposit) as it was supposed to be my treat anyway.

SIL is now furious with all four of us and our “disgusting behaviour” and after several tongue lashings is not speaking to any of us.

The way I see it, SIL cancelled in favour of her mother and so DB was at a loose end (we didn’t hijack him away from her), he was going to lose £200 for the reservation but now hasn’t (in fact he got a free meal out of it) and SIL is still free to go to the restaurant another time like she suggested herself. It’s also not like DB spent the day doing anything nefarious either, he literally spent Mother’s Day with his mother only because SIL wasn’t available. I honestly don’t see how SIL lost out by us going instead.

So were we wrong?

Oh and just to be clear, there is nothing particularly meaningful or special about the restaurant other than that it does good food; we’ve all been there several times both together and separately. In fact, we’ve been going there as a family long before SIL was even in the picture so the particular restaurant is not the issue.

OP posts:
NewPapaGuinea · 03/04/2025 05:15

Sounds like it’s FOMO. She feels like she’s missed out on a free meal.

Weepixie · 03/04/2025 05:33

No one was allowed to have a nice day without SIL and you’re all being punished for it now.

Alittlewordinyourear · 03/04/2025 05:44

Your SIL and her mother both sound off their rockers, self centred control freaks. The mother falls out with her partner, returns home and announces I’m home,drop all your plans ,you can all come and celebrate me ! Oh and I know you too are a mother and your husband has made plans but he is not invited, just you and the kids.

LoudSnoringDog · 03/04/2025 05:53

She sounds batshit. Don’t entertain her.

lessglittermoremud · 03/04/2025 06:06

I can’t fathom what you guys did wrong either, she didn’t want your brother with her…. My guess is she had a rubbish day, had wanted your brother to sit at home pining instead of going out for a lovely meal.
Your SIL sounds bonkers, I wouldn’t be in a hurry to spend any time in her company, how awful for your brother to live with someone who thinks it’s ok to scream at people.

lauraloulou1 · 03/04/2025 06:21

SiL sounds like a melt. So many men in controlling relationships with women where this kind of mad control isnt recognised. Be grateful you arent in that relationship!

2021x · 03/04/2025 06:31

Some information must be missing here, even if it some batshit reason she has made up in her head or as others have suggested something to do with alcohol.

In any case speaking to you and your parents is abusive and your brother and his children might be at risk.

My SIL is a bit like this, always the victim but never does anything wrong, even when she loses her shit. I now don't have any contact with them because of her behaviour towards me.

Buttonsbuttons · 03/04/2025 06:43

@FreakingOutRightNow123

Was there any further fall out OP?

Have you managed to speak to your brother.

Very odd behaviour from your SIL

CopperWhite · 03/04/2025 06:50

Your SIL sounds like an abusive bitch. I hope your DB is ok.

TwigletsAndRadishes · 03/04/2025 06:53

YANBU. Your SIL is being an idiot. Also, just because her mother changed her plans it doesn't mean everyone else should immediately drop theirs.

Trendyname · 03/04/2025 07:03

FrenchandSaunders · 31/03/2025 14:39

£200 deposit 😳

Yes, some high end restaurants take deposit, which gets adjusted against bill, and only can be refunded if the cancellation is before 24/ 48 hours.

Butchyrestingface · 03/04/2025 07:06

To be honest I am worried about my DB, if she can unleash this level of anger on us then I can only imagine what she’s like behind closed doors. That’s why I came here in the first place questioning myself; the level of her reaction was so strong that I needed to check I wasn’t missing anything just in case.

I'd be concerned your brother is in an abusive relationship. This was an unpleasant and no doubt shocking experience for you and your parents but your brother and his kids are the ones who have to live with her everyday.

She sounds as mad as a March hare and her mother also sounds awful.

NancyJoan · 03/04/2025 07:08

OP, I’ve now read all yours posts twice, and nope, still nothing. I cannot fathom what she could possibly object to. What a horrible, unhappy woman. I’m sorry. Your poor mum and dad.

Blankscreen · 03/04/2025 07:12

She sounds precious and controlling.

I imagine she has engineered it over the years that your DB doesn't see your DM on mother's day because the day has to be all about SIL.

With good grace you DM has just accepted the situation and makes plans accordingly.

Your SIL expected your DB to sit at home and wait for her because she is so important and it's her day.

The fact she has gone batshit just goes to show how controlling she is.

Your poor DB. Sounds like a huge red flag to me.

2021x · 03/04/2025 07:17

Blankscreen · 03/04/2025 07:12

She sounds precious and controlling.

I imagine she has engineered it over the years that your DB doesn't see your DM on mother's day because the day has to be all about SIL.

With good grace you DM has just accepted the situation and makes plans accordingly.

Your SIL expected your DB to sit at home and wait for her because she is so important and it's her day.

The fact she has gone batshit just goes to show how controlling she is.

Your poor DB. Sounds like a huge red flag to me.

Yup... frog in a pot of water

Blankscreen · 03/04/2025 07:30

I'm curious to know if you DB sees your DF in fathers day? Or is that reserved as a :special' family day with SIL and DC?

mermadeincornwall · 03/04/2025 07:31

Has she engineered this argument because she's planning to leave the marriage?

Buttonsbuttons · 03/04/2025 07:46

Blankscreen · 03/04/2025 07:12

She sounds precious and controlling.

I imagine she has engineered it over the years that your DB doesn't see your DM on mother's day because the day has to be all about SIL.

With good grace you DM has just accepted the situation and makes plans accordingly.

Your SIL expected your DB to sit at home and wait for her because she is so important and it's her day.

The fact she has gone batshit just goes to show how controlling she is.

Your poor DB. Sounds like a huge red flag to me.

I think this actually explains her reaction.

It's like a toxic break up with someone, you don't want them but you don't want anyone else to have them.

She is jealous your brother had a good day with his mum and in a rage that she lost control of him. He wasn't supposed to make his own decision to see his mum, he was supposed to sit at home and wait for her. Sounds like narcissistic rage to me.

LassoOfTruth · 03/04/2025 08:14

Who on earth has voted that you were unreasonable? If I had been in SIL’s position, feeling that I had to suddenly ditch plans to please my own mother (who also sounds awful ), I’d have been so pleased that you could include my DH in your day instead, and I would very much be insisting that he/we pay at least half of the bill too.

Chezxx · 03/04/2025 08:30

OP, talk to your brother about Coercive control.
It is a crime.
He sounds as if he might be a victim of it.

I think the post from @Blankscreen has likely nailed what happened.

She sounds unhinged but likely highly abusive.

SpringIsSpringing25 · 03/04/2025 08:34

peachescariad · 31/03/2025 14:42

£200 deposit for 4 people???

Mother's Day! The meal at the very average pub near here was £75 each.

We didn't go!!

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 03/04/2025 08:42

Dontlletmedownbruce · 31/03/2025 20:36

Haven't read the whole thread just OPs posts. This story screams of one thing to me - coercive control. She is furious because he did something without her and bonded with his family without her influence. She didn't get to dictate what he wore, ate or said. Obviously I don't know this but I don't know the individuals either, going just on the info this sounds like he is in a very difficult situation.

I think you need to support your brother OP and maybe really ask some difficult questions, keep him talking to you and if he cuts contact be very concerned.

This for sure^^

She wanted your DB to spend the day alone at home. She’s furious that that didn’t happen and he spent his time where she wanted him alone, with family at a social gathering instead. She has now lost her shit because she didn’t in fact control him that day.

WiddlinDiddlin · 03/04/2025 15:19

Did your DB tell his wife the new plan for him to come out with you, or did she find out after she'd left with the kids to do her own thing/at some point later on in the day?

Wondering if she's built that up to be some sort of underhanded sneaky trick, going behind her back etc etc?

SpringIsSpringing25 · 03/04/2025 17:56

@FreakingOutRightNow123

would you or your parents have the space to accommodate your brother and the children if he wants to leave??

The Apple didn't fall far from her family tree did it??

I'd be seriously worried about my brother and want him out of there. She's off her fucking rocker.

Roosnoodles · 03/04/2025 18:43

So many men hiding the abusive relationships they’ve ended up in and he’s still doing it by pretending to be bewildered by this. He will of faced this wrath before just not with it escalating to include your family. I hope he’s not having to deal with the violence that usually happens in coercive control relationships. Perhaps you could make friends with a neighbour of his to check he’s not in any danger. My husband was in a relationship like this when he was very young. He’s 6 ft so don’t think as he’s bigger he’s safe. Men can’t be physical to protect themselves against women. So essentially women can hit as hard, with whatever comes to hand.