SIL furious about Mother’s Day, were we wrong?

[FreakingOutRightNow123]

Background:

I have no children so always see my parent’s on the actual Mother’s Day / Father’s Day to celebrate.

I have several siblings who are parents themselves however and quite rightly the actual day is about celebrating them / their partners so they organise something with my parents for another day.

This has been our usual routine for years.

The situation:

My siblings took my parents out for lunch to celebrate Mother’s Day last Saturday; this included my DB. I didn’t attend as I already had plans with my parents for yesterday.

DB was supposed to be taking SIL and their 2 children out to celebrate Mother’s Day yesterday however late Saturday afternoon, SIL’s mother called to say she was back early from holiday (after having an argument with her partner) so was available to celebrate Mother’s Day after all and invited all her children and grandchildren to her house but NOT their partners as she wanted to just spend time with her children and grandchildren only. SIL decided to take her mum up on her offer and cancelled with DB saying her mum was probably upset about the falling out with her partner, they could celebrate another time etc. Considering it was Mother’s Day, DB accepted it with good grace as at the end of that day it was SIL’s day so he wanted her to do what she wanted.

My plan was to cook for my parents at home however DB called to explain the situation and asked if we wanted to go out to eat as he had a reservation for 4 people going begging (it was too late to cancel and he would have lost his £200 deposit) so my parents and I agreed and went to the restaurant he originally planned to take SIL and the kids too. Now just to be clear, I paid for everyone in full (gave DB back his deposit) as it was supposed to be my treat anyway.

SIL is now furious with all four of us and our “disgusting behaviour” and after several tongue lashings is not speaking to any of us.

The way I see it, SIL cancelled in favour of her mother and so DB was at a loose end (we didn’t hijack him away from her), he was going to lose £200 for the reservation but now hasn’t (in fact he got a free meal out of it) and SIL is still free to go to the restaurant another time like she suggested herself. It’s also not like DB spent the day doing anything nefarious either, he literally spent Mother’s Day with his mother only because SIL wasn’t available. I honestly don’t see how SIL lost out by us going instead.

So were we wrong?

Oh and just to be clear, there is nothing particularly meaningful or special about the restaurant other than that it does good food; we’ve all been there several times both together and separately. In fact, we’ve been going there as a family long before SIL was even in the picture so the particular restaurant is not the issue.

Let her...

Just let her go off on one, don't interact, don't be drawn in, let her get annoyed about whatever it is she is annoyed about. Probably jealous for something. Her day didn't deliver for whatever reason and its now YOUR FAULT!

Mad woman. YANBU

Your SIL is batshit unreasonable

I can only guess SIL is mad because you guys had a nice meal and she missed out on it / didn't think she had as nice a time with her own mum and children on mothers day when she was supposed to be the special one...............

you should obviously have all been sitting at home eating cold beans on toast and being miserable she wasn't there.

SIL is batshit

lol what a pratt serves her right for cancelling at the last minute and letting her mother exclude all partners… that is just ridiculous

She is fuming because she has uncontrolled FOMO? Very odd person, your poor brother.

In the absence of OP I have wracked my brains and can only come up with SIL is angry because the family had already taken the parents out for Mothers' Day on the Saturday, so OPs mum got two lots of meals out, because they used the already booked table on the Sunday? And her mum only got one Mothers' Day?

No, there isn't a single spin I can put on this that doesn't make SIL absolutely barking.

Is SIL usually so controlling about what DB does when she's not around? Is she angry because she thought he'd just sit at home waiting for her? She sounds insanely jealous about him spending time with his family.

Read!

I genuinely would laugh at her.

whar was disgusting about it??

It's hard to believe this is a genuine question. Which of your actions are you thinking might have been unreasonable?

So she cancelled and she's angry you all went? She's stupid.

Obviously your sil is being completely unreasonable. She hasn’t got a leg to stand on, everything she did on the day was her decision and what you/your db did has no effect on her in any way. You did nothing wrong. She sounds crackers.

Just a thought - when your DB &Siblings took your mum out to lunch the weekend before Mothers Day, was it to a similar quality restaurant?

Developing a theory:

SiL sees herself as a wonderful mother who deserves to have everything lavished upon her at a £75-per-head type restaurant. She sees her MIL as a much less wonderful person whose appropriate reward for mother's day is a much lower grade - several offspring each chipping in £12 for a modest meal at a £35-per-head type place seems about right, and you doing a home cooked meal is fine, in a condescending sort of way.

You taking her to the posh restaurant then becomes an insult because not only are you asserting that her MIL (your mum) is equally loved and equally worthy as she is herself,but also you must (because this is what SIL would be thinking of if she did it) be embarking on some kind of horrible one-upmanship to prove that you love your mum more than your siblings do because you outspent what the rest of them did put-together, and to a shallow person money-spent is proportional to love.

Nasty people ascribe nasty motives to innocent actions.

Wow!

I would just send DB a message saying
“Good luck bro”
and forget about it

Does she understand that her husband didn't pay for the meal (or even for his own meal)?

Did she just expect him to sit home on his own being miserable?

why on earth did you tolerate any "tongue lashing" from her. I'm pretty laid back but I would have said "stop right there Sandra, I had lunch with my parents and it is none of your business" your mother should say the same.

Surely db just gets her a Maccies happy meal delivered to celebrate the dc she is being?

She cancelled last-minute but was furious that her husband made other plans?

Let me guess, this isn’t the first time SIL has behaved like this. To be honest your DB should have tore into her for cancelling the agreed plans and ditching him. Was she going to reimburse his to the £200 deposit he was going to loose?

How annoying is her mother that her partner has to send her packing back home during a holiday? Sounds like the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

You are not being unreasonable, unless there's more to it than your brother is telling you.

A 200 deposit on a meal for four?

Does she mistakenly think that your brother paid - and is pissed off about that?

Mothers' Day. Like Valentines - a licence to print money.

What she didn’t want was her dh celebrating his mum on her Mother’s Day. She sounds controlling and you did nothing wrong