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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

SIL furious about Mother’s Day, were we wrong?

457 replies

FreakingOutRightNow123 · 31/03/2025 14:36

Background:

I have no children so always see my parent’s on the actual Mother’s Day / Father’s Day to celebrate.

I have several siblings who are parents themselves however and quite rightly the actual day is about celebrating them / their partners so they organise something with my parents for another day.

This has been our usual routine for years.

The situation:

My siblings took my parents out for lunch to celebrate Mother’s Day last Saturday; this included my DB. I didn’t attend as I already had plans with my parents for yesterday.

DB was supposed to be taking SIL and their 2 children out to celebrate Mother’s Day yesterday however late Saturday afternoon, SIL’s mother called to say she was back early from holiday (after having an argument with her partner) so was available to celebrate Mother’s Day after all and invited all her children and grandchildren to her house but NOT their partners as she wanted to just spend time with her children and grandchildren only. SIL decided to take her mum up on her offer and cancelled with DB saying her mum was probably upset about the falling out with her partner, they could celebrate another time etc. Considering it was Mother’s Day, DB accepted it with good grace as at the end of that day it was SIL’s day so he wanted her to do what she wanted.

My plan was to cook for my parents at home however DB called to explain the situation and asked if we wanted to go out to eat as he had a reservation for 4 people going begging (it was too late to cancel and he would have lost his £200 deposit) so my parents and I agreed and went to the restaurant he originally planned to take SIL and the kids too. Now just to be clear, I paid for everyone in full (gave DB back his deposit) as it was supposed to be my treat anyway.

SIL is now furious with all four of us and our “disgusting behaviour” and after several tongue lashings is not speaking to any of us.

The way I see it, SIL cancelled in favour of her mother and so DB was at a loose end (we didn’t hijack him away from her), he was going to lose £200 for the reservation but now hasn’t (in fact he got a free meal out of it) and SIL is still free to go to the restaurant another time like she suggested herself. It’s also not like DB spent the day doing anything nefarious either, he literally spent Mother’s Day with his mother only because SIL wasn’t available. I honestly don’t see how SIL lost out by us going instead.

So were we wrong?

Oh and just to be clear, there is nothing particularly meaningful or special about the restaurant other than that it does good food; we’ve all been there several times both together and separately. In fact, we’ve been going there as a family long before SIL was even in the picture so the particular restaurant is not the issue.

OP posts:
NImumconfused · 31/03/2025 14:49

That's seriously bizarre! She'd rather her husband lost £200 than had lunch with his parents and sister? I can't see she has any grounds to complain, your brother does though!!

alcoholnightmare · 31/03/2025 14:49

Ignore this nonsense

MissDoubleU · 31/03/2025 14:49

How much was the final bill of the deposit alone was 200!? 😳

Also I would be asking SIL to explain exactly what part she is upset with because it doesn’t seem she has any reason to be. She is going to need to use her big girl words about who did what wrong.

She ditched her husband to make her own plans that excluded him. Husband went ahead with his own plans in her absence. If she wants to take the hump with all of you she really should explain why.

MyGardenHasGreatTits · 31/03/2025 14:50

I could easily spend around a couple of hundred cooking for Sunday lunch for 4 (if I were pushing the boat out). Fizz on arrival, starters, quality meat, all the sides, pudding and lots of wine? Easily done and I can see why you offered to pay. I’d have done similarly.

Back to the OP - what on earth is your SIL annoyed about?! Bonkers.

fruitbrewhaha · 31/03/2025 14:50

She’s a fucking idiot. Your SIL. What a tool.

FranticHare · 31/03/2025 14:50

What is your DB's take on this? Assume he is aware his partner is having a toddler tantrum?

EmeraldShamrock000 · 31/03/2025 14:51

Ignore her, she is being ridiculous.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 31/03/2025 14:52

I just keep coming back to this - OP, can you please explain what your SIL is so irate about? What the hell does she have to be 'furious' about? I can't honestly see anyone has behaved badly here, except possibly at a pinch SILs mum, but then asking only to have her own children and GC around her is understandable... just.

Fluffyholeysocks · 31/03/2025 14:53

Have you got to the bottom about why it's 'disgusting behaviour'?

Blackcountrychik83 · 31/03/2025 14:54

Your Brother definitely should be asking himself what he’s getting out of this relationship coz I imagine this isn’t the first or last time she’s acted like this . She’s being ridiculous . Maybe your db needs to go no contact .. with her !!!

MesmerisingMuon · 31/03/2025 14:54

Your SIL is likely as unhinged as her mother when it comes to starting arguments.

Of course YANBU! Why on earth would anyone want to waste a £200 deposit?!

Your SIL is dumb.

redshoesredlaces · 31/03/2025 14:54

Is she generally hostile at him doing anything without her? Is she weirdly controlling about things or is this out if the norm?

Crumpleton · 31/03/2025 14:56

Would your SIL of been more happy had he of lost the deposit due to not going at all?

Was she expecting him to call up and change the reservation to another day.

He can still do so as fortunately he has a very fair sibling that doesn't take the piss, pays their way and even returns the full deposit.

Not sure where the disgusting behaviour was in any of that.

Rewis · 31/03/2025 14:59

What part is she upset about? That you went to the restaurant or that her husband decided to spend the day with his mother?

DuskyPink1984 · 31/03/2025 14:59

SIL sounds horrible.

TomatoSandwiches · 31/03/2025 14:59

What exactly is she complaining about?

Bookloveruk · 31/03/2025 15:00

What exactly is her issue nd why did she kick off. . She changed the plans due to her family situation.

SnoopyPajamas · 31/03/2025 15:00

FrenchandSaunders · 31/03/2025 14:39

£200 deposit 😳

I couldn't focus on anything else after I read that either 😅

minnienono · 31/03/2025 15:00

£200 deposit? I’ve never paid a deposit in my life, not even our wedding venue asked for payment in advance. Must be a London thing?

also someone suggested cooking could cost £100, how? I cooked lamb, dauphinois potatoes, red cabbage, tenderstem broccoli, roasted carrots and parsnips, then a dessert of baked lemon and raspberry cheesecake served with clotted cream, bottle of red, bottle of white, bottle of Fanta lemon and a few bits more all for under £50

Coconutter24 · 31/03/2025 15:01

Did SIL want your DB to sit at home waiting for her return? I’m not sure what the disgusting behaviour is tbh. Does she know you paid? She was the one who bailed on her plans with her DH probably knowing that he’d loose £200 deposit. If anything your DB should be the one that’s furious

Oddsocksanduglyshoes · 31/03/2025 15:02

SCWS · 31/03/2025 14:49

What is her actual complaint?

YANBU.

This - I genuinely can’t work out what she’s complaining about

KrypticCastle · 31/03/2025 15:02

Your SIL is on crack.

huuskymam · 31/03/2025 15:02

She's being ridiculous. She cancelled the family plans leaving your db at a loose end. Instead of losing money, he invited other family for dinner. I'm not seeing an issue here. Was he supposed to sit around pining for her and be 200 quid down? She needs to be told to cop onto herself.

RatedDoingMagic · 31/03/2025 15:02

I'm really not understanding the situation @FreakingOutRightNow123

What is SIL upset about?
If she was writing an AIBU how would she write it?

From what I can see it would be:
DH had a booking to take me and our two DC out for a mothers day treat, but I had to pull out because my own mum wanted to see me and had come home from holiday early. DH had paid a large deposit for the restaurant which he would lose if no one went, so he asked his sister if she wanted to use it. She did, and she paid so DH didn't lose the money he would have otherwise.... AIBU to be furious

The missing bit is the .... - what consequence if this is she specifically angry about? What does she think is disgusting?

Namerequired · 31/03/2025 15:04

I really can’t see her issue at all, what is she fuming at? Surely it’s something else?
It was kind of you to give db his deposit back when he would have otherwise lost it, and pay for his dinner.