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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to wake up when the kids do?!

208 replies

Mumof3Chaos · 31/03/2025 08:05

Honestly, I am FUMING this morning. Every single day, without fail, the kids wake up at the crack of dawn (thanks to the flipping clock change making it even worse), and every single day DH just magically doesn’t hear them. I swear the man could sleep through a fire alarm.

So there I am, dealing with 3yo screaming because she wanted the blue cup (which is in the dishwasher, obvs), 7yo crying cos he can’t find his school tie, and 10yo shouting down that she’s got no clean PE socks (despite me washing a million pairs last week). Meanwhile, DH is just lying there, breathing deeply, pretending he’s in a coma or something.

I banged around a bit in the kitchen, “accidentally” dropped a spoon, even opened the curtains in the bedroom when I went back up, and NOTHING. He just strolled downstairs at 7:50 looking all bleary-eyed, stretching like he’s had the best sleep of his life, and went “Oh, are they up already?” LIKE NO, I’M JUST RUNNING A NOISE EXPERIMENT.

AIBU to expect him to get up and help instead of playing dead every morning?! Cos I swear if he does it again tomorrow I might just ‘forget’ to make him a cup of tea for the rest of the year.

OP posts:
TourangaLeila · 31/03/2025 08:07

No YANBU. Tell him to get the fuck up.

faerietales · 31/03/2025 08:08

I would be sending the 3yo in to wake daddy up. Every single morning.

SpringIsSpringing25 · 31/03/2025 08:09

Is the eldest his?

If so, has he been doing this for 10 years?

FanofLeaves · 31/03/2025 08:11

I hate to be that person but things need to be better organised the night before so it’s not a stressful mad rush! That’s obviously not just on you, the eldest two are capable of sorting out their school things ready to get dressed in the morning with you or ‘D’ H checking.

And he absolutely should be getting up.

what time do you all need to leave if he’s surprised they’re all up at 7:50?!

Elicitcoffee · 31/03/2025 08:13

Sounds like a disorganised and unhappy mess

where are the kids now?

Anoisagusaris · 31/03/2025 08:14

As I say to my kids ‘use your words’! When you need him to be up and helping, just tell him. No point passively aggressively making noise, just go into the room and say ‘you need to get up and help get the kids sorted’.

Sofiewoo · 31/03/2025 08:14

Honestly I just don’t understand how you can be over a decade into parenting and do the passive aggressive “banging around”.

Just take it in turns and tomorrow if you hear the kids who wakes first you just use your words and tell him to get up surely??

femfemlicious · 31/03/2025 08:15

Do you work outside the home?. If you do then yanbu if not yabu.

Sofiewoo · 31/03/2025 08:16

femfemlicious · 31/03/2025 08:15

Do you work outside the home?. If you do then yanbu if not yabu.

Why would that be relevant?

starmoonsun · 31/03/2025 08:16

I have one exactly the same. I have no idea how he does it but he does, can even do it on holiday in the same room.
I just don't bother trying to be quiet and ignore him, easier to be honest.

femfemlicious · 31/03/2025 08:19

Sofiewoo · 31/03/2025 08:16

Why would that be relevant?

Show quote history

Because she should get the kids up on a weekday. It's kinds her job. Why should he have to get the kids ready if he is going to work and ahe is going to be qt home. Weekends are different

Dragonsandcats · 31/03/2025 08:20

I would tell him to get up and help. As an irrelevant point, I always found this clock change a good one for a week or two. October was grim though!

Sofiewoo · 31/03/2025 08:20

femfemlicious · 31/03/2025 08:19

Because she should get the kids up on a weekday. It's kinds her job. Why should he have to get the kids ready if he is going to work and ahe is going to be qt home. Weekends are different

Show quote history

So his job would be 9-5pm and he doesn’t have to engage in family life or parent his children at all, and hers is … 24hours a day?

Screamingabdabz · 31/03/2025 08:21

Sounds like you’ve got everything covered. You knew where the blue cup was, you did all the washing, you sorted the school tie. Why would he get up? He appears to have no domestic responsibility whatsoever it seems, so this is a problem entirely of your own making.

TeapotTitties · 31/03/2025 08:22

What's with the passive aggressive spoon dropping and opening the curtains?

Just wake him and tell him it's time to get up.

LoveDandelions · 31/03/2025 08:22

So he's a deep sleeper? And you need him to be awake? Have you tried waking him and telling him it's his turn?

ButterCrackers · 31/03/2025 08:23

Tell him get up. Take the kids into the bedroom to make noise.

femfemlicious · 31/03/2025 08:24

Sofiewoo · 31/03/2025 08:20

So his job would be 9-5pm and he doesn’t have to engage in family life or parent his children at all, and hers is … 24hours a day?

Show quote history

I think she should get the kids ready on a weekdays and he can get himself ready and go to work . I'm not saying he should not be involved in the family. She gets to come home after and pace herself. This is my opinion .

BinChicken1 · 31/03/2025 08:24

What surely you just wake him up and tell him he needs to help? Why’s this difficult?

Eenameenadeeka · 31/03/2025 08:25

Not unreasonable to want him to help (although I'd want the older 2 to be more independent,not expecting you to find their clothes in the morning) but if he's just a deep sleeper, just wake him up rather than passive aggressively bashing cupboards. mine sleeps through a lot but I just wake him and say I need help.

Ariela · 31/03/2025 08:25

At that age of oldest two, responsibility is on THEM to get stuff ready for school the night before and be ready to leave at the appropriate time. Just leaves the 3 yo to deal with. But I did discover a cup of tea in bed miraculously wakes the OH, who would never drink a cold cup. Who can then be asked to help, once suitably roused.

Sofiewoo · 31/03/2025 08:26

femfemlicious · 31/03/2025 08:24

I think she should get the kids ready on a weekdays and he can get himself ready and go to work . I'm not saying he should not be involved in the family. She gets to come home after and pace herself. This is my opinion .

Show quote history

She “gets” to come home and pace herself? How do you pace yourself by caring for a 3 year old?

There’s simply no excuse for any parent to be asleep until almost 8am during the week when they have 3 children.

Outofthepan · 31/03/2025 08:27

YANBU

This is ridiculous behaviour on his part. Lazy af

Elicitcoffee · 31/03/2025 08:29

TeapotTitties · 31/03/2025 08:22

What's with the passive aggressive spoon dropping and opening the curtains?

Just wake him and tell him it's time to get up.

Why do something sensible like that

when you can get FUMING and start a mumsnet thread

RawBloomers · 31/03/2025 08:32

It’s infuriating that he sleeps through the noise, but wanting him to wake up to it doesn’t have any impact on what is physically happening for him (unless you suspect he’s secretly awake but just pretending so you’ll get up in which case I know some good patio firms). Wake him up and tell him it’s his turn.

For what it’s worth, I suspect pregnancy releases a hormone that makes you more susceptible to noise waking you up. I became an incredibly light sleeper for about 8 years after I had kids, even though I desperately tried to sleep through and my DH wasn’t nearly as oblivious as yours.

(It does get better, though. Eventually).