To expect DH to wake up when the kids do?!

[Mumof3Chaos]

Honestly, I am FUMING this morning. Every single day, without fail, the kids wake up at the crack of dawn (thanks to the flipping clock change making it even worse), and every single day DH just magically doesn’t hear them. I swear the man could sleep through a fire alarm.

So there I am, dealing with 3yo screaming because she wanted the blue cup (which is in the dishwasher, obvs), 7yo crying cos he can’t find his school tie, and 10yo shouting down that she’s got no clean PE socks (despite me washing a million pairs last week). Meanwhile, DH is just lying there, breathing deeply, pretending he’s in a coma or something.

I banged around a bit in the kitchen, “accidentally” dropped a spoon, even opened the curtains in the bedroom when I went back up, and NOTHING. He just strolled downstairs at 7:50 looking all bleary-eyed, stretching like he’s had the best sleep of his life, and went “Oh, are they up already?” LIKE NO, I’M JUST RUNNING A NOISE EXPERIMENT.

AIBU to expect him to get up and help instead of playing dead every morning?! Cos I swear if he does it again tomorrow I might just ‘forget’ to make him a cup of tea for the rest of the year.

Go in and take the duvet off. Worked on me as a teenager when my dad did it, especially when he opened the window as well. No, you shouldn’t have to. But needs must.

This is an issue in our house too. Husband complains he never gets to sleep in. I try to explain sleeping in is not a reality when you have kids.

Sometimes he will take the baby to the sofa and they will fall asleep again and I’m like - thank you for ruining this days napping schedule.

I try to explain that I am awake every single night so even if he did every single morning shift he should not complain.

hate daylight savings in the spring.

YABU to do the whole spoon dropping and huffing and puffing. Just tell him to get his shit together and buy him an alarm clock

Do you both work?

I would be tempted to wake up poorly tomorrow morning.

Fuck off, is he!

That’s pure misogynist bollocks.

Parenting is a Team sport not the auto default of the vagina owner!

Have a proper talk with him tonight when the kids are in bed. Tell him how this is making you feel, and work out a better system together. If he agrees but then doesnt, stick to it, then move to pulling the quilt off etc, and let him actually see how angry you really are with his behaviour. Smothering your righteous anger benefits nobody and will end up making you ill.

Quite!

What time does he have work? Does he have early and late shifts? If he was on a late shift last night then I’d say fair enough but if he’s at work 9-5 then he needs to be up

Tbf most of the stress this morning could have been prevented by better prep the night before.

I would expect a 10yo and 7yo can make their own breakfast and get themselves dressed. The stress these pair appear to be causing is due to not finding the desired clothes.

If the clothes had been laid out the night before (by either parent, or by DC) they should in theory not present any issues (except maybe needing shook awake so the morning isn't a panic).

Therefore, the 3 yo should be the only one to present a challenge. They need to learn they get whatever cup is available. Or if the parent chooses the weaker and easier route, again clean the cup the night before to prevent the tantrum the next day (although I'm sure the 3 yo will find something else to flip out about).

Really the 3 yo should be the only challenge and 1 parent should be able to easily manage them.

No they aren’t? They are just kids, how nasty.

It isn't. I don't remember screaming and crying in the morning at 7 for my tie leave your clothes out the night before and pack the pe bag the night before.

All 3 of them screaming shouting or crying before school...where have they learnt that's acceptable.

I say this as a DH who works Mon-Fri whilst DW does the school run each morning. I used to just get up and disappear to work and DW found morning stressful. So now every night I prep and layout the school uniforms, restock the schoolbags with the midmorning snacks, have the school and homework bags laid out.

In the morning I refill their water bottles, have the breakfast laid out (cereal minus milk until DC are up). make any packed lunch, and have toothbrushes laid out.

All in all it takes 10 mins the night before and 10 mins in the morning. Barely impacts my day but DW says it makes mornings 100 times smoother.

Better prep is the key.

Mine was the same. Waking up 9-9.30am, working all day then on computer till 1am talking to mates, only appearing for dinner. We were an inconvenience. (3 kids 5 3 & 18 months) I told him I was leaving him and he's got his act together.

I agree with you the prep the night before is key and accounts for most of the issues.

But tbf kids are emotional, irrationally so at times. The small things matter to them, and they care about what their peers think. And kids, schoolkids, can be incredibly cruel at times so you can understand sometimes how they might seem dramatic.

I’d be sending the little one in with a pot and a wooden spoon and tell them to practice their drumming. The lazy fucker would soon get up then!

Realistically the 10 year old should be relatively autonomous in the morning and the 7 year old getting there. The 3yo will be the challenging one.

The OP has been a bit vague on the working situation. If they both work full time then the DH is clearly being an arse to leave it all to her. Even if he’s the sole earner, he could be more helpful. I don’t think he gets to totally absent himself from any form of parenting.

He is being irresponsible, selfish and setting a bad example for his children. He needs to be working on waking up earlier to be involved with them and support you in the mornings.
Equally - easier said than done - but you have to be straight with him that he's out of order.....
Have heard about an alarm that's linked to puzzles, which can't be turned off without starting to wake up through working on the puzzles! Need something like that or repeater alarms away from his bed.

Yup. 3- year-olds honing their trampolining skills are one of the best alarm clocks known to man.

So we both work- does that mean nobody has to get the kids up on a weekday? The kids and the school didn't get the memo on that one.

I'd be walking into the bedroom and stripping the covers off him! If that didn't work, then a cup of cold water first to his face, then his body!

Have you tried putting a really loud alarm near his head or removing the duvet from the bed?

Wow ok, lots to go through here.

Firstly, for those asking – yes, I do work, part time, but I do the mornings every single day because DH “doesn’t hear them” (lol ok). He starts work at 9, from home, so there’s really no excuse for him to be lying in bed until 8.

To the people saying the kids should be more independent – totally agree. 10yo can get herself sorted but will have a meltdown if something isn’t exactly where she thought it was. 7yo is hopeless in the mornings, like genuinely cannot function. 3yo… well, she’s 3. She’s a law unto herself.

And yeah, fair point about the prep. I do try, but some nights I’m just too knackered to be dealing with uniforms and bags. That should be something DH helps with, but if he’s not even waking up, fat chance of that happening.

Also, love the vacuum idea. Might have to accidentally-on-purpose drop it on his side of the bed tomorrow.

Get a huge fuck off bell and ring it by his head, so that there's not any misunderstanding that the day has begun and active parenting must commence.

Dawn was at 6.32 here this morning. It's too fucking early if you like having an evening.

I think you need to go away for a night