To expect DH to wake up when the kids do?!

[Mumof3Chaos]

Honestly, I am FUMING this morning. Every single day, without fail, the kids wake up at the crack of dawn (thanks to the flipping clock change making it even worse), and every single day DH just magically doesn’t hear them. I swear the man could sleep through a fire alarm.

So there I am, dealing with 3yo screaming because she wanted the blue cup (which is in the dishwasher, obvs), 7yo crying cos he can’t find his school tie, and 10yo shouting down that she’s got no clean PE socks (despite me washing a million pairs last week). Meanwhile, DH is just lying there, breathing deeply, pretending he’s in a coma or something.

I banged around a bit in the kitchen, “accidentally” dropped a spoon, even opened the curtains in the bedroom when I went back up, and NOTHING. He just strolled downstairs at 7:50 looking all bleary-eyed, stretching like he’s had the best sleep of his life, and went “Oh, are they up already?” LIKE NO, I’M JUST RUNNING A NOISE EXPERIMENT.

AIBU to expect him to get up and help instead of playing dead every morning?! Cos I swear if he does it again tomorrow I might just ‘forget’ to make him a cup of tea for the rest of the year.

Because she should get the kids up on a weekday. It's kinds her job. Why should he have to get the kids ready if he is going to work and ahe is going to be qt home

Well as it turns out she works too, and he works from home so doesn't have a commute.

I don't think you both need to be up, I do think he needs to do his share. Perhaps split the early waking (he will have to use alarm) or if he does more chores later in the evening I wouldn't be too bothered. If you are not getting time to get dressed tell him you need him up supervising 3 year old 7.30-8 so you can shower.

@femfemlicious they both work. It appears DH WFH, so doesn’t have a long commute so can actually parent in the morning before he starts working

Tell him to get the F out of bed

We each get one lay in every 2 weeks. Each Sunday we take turns to sleep in approx an hour or so later than the other, unless we have plans.

Once the kids are up, the adults should be up

even if the kids aren’t up surely there are things to do before work/school in the morning instead of snoozing every day?! Perhaps he needs to go to bed earlier

The most sane post of the whole thread.

And these women don’t seem to be an exception if the tradwife suggestions on this thread are any indication…take him a cup of tea, hoover outside the room, leave him alone if he’s the breadwinner… jeez are we still living in the 1950s? How depressing.

Why aren't you using words, you know, like an adult, and telling him to get up? Just take it in turns with the kids.

I don't wake up easily either and can sleep through anything, but don't have any issues if DP wakes me up when it's my turn.

Yanbu to expect him to be an equal parent. Yabu to be dropping spoons and withholding tea making. He is doing this because he is a lazy twat, and you're letting him get away with being a lazy twat.

Have you sat him down and told him that his lack of respect for you, by effectively forcing you to do his share of parenting in the morning as well as yours, is making you really frustrated and feels very unfair, and asked him what he is going to do about it? If not I'd start there and if if he still doesn't get it, then tell him for every early morning and breakfast he misses because he is having time to himself, you'll do the same at dinner time so he can really understand how shit it feels. And take yourself off for a nice meal or walk or cinema trip every evening that he abandons his duties in the morning. May be petty but actions speak louder than words and it's a good way of making him understand how it feels

'He starts work at 9, from home, so there’s really no excuse for him to be lying in bed until 8.'

Eh? I start work at 9am (also wfh) and I don't get out of bed until 8:30.

Who looks after your 3 young children and takes them to school then?

Have you three children screaming and crying while your partner deals with everything then cracks on with their work day?

Was this Mothering Sunday?

YABU, I think you're just annoyed because you have got up and he hasn't. Why would a 10 year old need their parent to make them breakfast unless they want a full English? I was perfectly capable of making breakfast of cereals and toast for my family at that age, as are my children. My parents, or I, would never have got up just because the children were up. If they were little, they'd have been told to go back to bed. BTW, I don't think 7.50 is late to get up. On workdays I get up at 6.00 in order to commute, otherwise 8.00 is standard.

Why? Getting kids ready in the morning is work. Having a 3 year old to look after is work. Why does having a partner not working get you out of helping them to get three kids that you fathered ready in the morning, snoozing while your wife struggles. OP, tell him it stops today. He gets up and parents his kids. One morning, you get in the shower and he gets them ready for breakfast, the next he does. Then you swap over. And he actually parents his children.

You just tell a 3 year old to go back to bed until 8oclock?
That sounds wildly unrealistic.

Mine was like this and then I bought a cheap but extremely annoying alarm clock from Amazon that progressively gets louder until it's the most irritating noise you've ever heard in your life.

I put it out of arm's reach so he has to get up to turn it off.

But why is it so difficult for a full grown adult man with a family to understand that he should be getting up to help without any prompting? He is not a child…

No not a child, just a twat - twatishness, unlike childhood, can be life long.

Sorry but you’re enabling him! Wake him up, and don’t leave the room til you’re both up! Then parent together. If he doesn’t/won’t get up - shout to the kids and tell them they’ll have to come into your room if they need anything as dads not up yet so I can’t leave the room 🤷‍♀️ He’ll soon start and get up. No way would I leave my husband in bed asleep while I do everything. And more importantly, no way would my husband stay in bed and let me do everything.

Mone would either get in with me and talk at me until I got up, cry and say come get in with me or, as she has learned this gets a fast response, announce "I'm gonna pee myself".

No one with a three year old is in bed til 8am unless someone else is looking after them.

It's not difficult, and he fully understands, he just knows he doesn't have to, so he prefers to get his lie in every morning, knowing that his wife will deal with everything herself and he's got away with it again.

I've had words with my BIL before when my sister has asked him to do something 3 times, I asked him why he doesn't just do it? And he said if he leaves it long enough she will just do it herself, the look of disgust on my face must have been a picture but he wasn't wrong, she asks, then she just does it herself because she doesn't like nagging.

I don't think men realise that the love women have for them is finite and it's exactly this sort of behaviour that makes then resented.. then they often wonder why there's no intimacy or closeness anymore.

Sadly it seems some posters think earning money brings rights to lie around in bed and leave someone else to care for their children.

No “lol” about it! It’s not funny OP!

To lie in once in a while is ok as long as you both get a chance.

He is taking the fucking piss. I’d honestly have to ask him to leave.

How did the clock change make it worse? Clocks going forward means it’s later than it feels so generally it’s harder to wake earlier, plus it’s darker.

Completely missing the point of the thread I know 😁

Your h would have a point if he were in an extremely physically demanding or dangerous job where he needs sufficient rest (although that doesn't excuse his inability to lay some uniforms out the night before.

But he's working from home at a desk job, it's not like he's down the mines. As PP have said I think it's time for a proper conversation about how disrespected and taken for granted you feel. If he has any sense whatsoever he will see that resentment kills a marriage

At the risk of someone coming along and screaming "why is this relevant the children are here now"!!!....just why did you have 3 kids with a useless man?