To expect DH to wake up when the kids do?!

[Mumof3Chaos]

Honestly, I am FUMING this morning. Every single day, without fail, the kids wake up at the crack of dawn (thanks to the flipping clock change making it even worse), and every single day DH just magically doesn’t hear them. I swear the man could sleep through a fire alarm.

So there I am, dealing with 3yo screaming because she wanted the blue cup (which is in the dishwasher, obvs), 7yo crying cos he can’t find his school tie, and 10yo shouting down that she’s got no clean PE socks (despite me washing a million pairs last week). Meanwhile, DH is just lying there, breathing deeply, pretending he’s in a coma or something.

I banged around a bit in the kitchen, “accidentally” dropped a spoon, even opened the curtains in the bedroom when I went back up, and NOTHING. He just strolled downstairs at 7:50 looking all bleary-eyed, stretching like he’s had the best sleep of his life, and went “Oh, are they up already?” LIKE NO, I’M JUST RUNNING A NOISE EXPERIMENT.

AIBU to expect him to get up and help instead of playing dead every morning?! Cos I swear if he does it again tomorrow I might just ‘forget’ to make him a cup of tea for the rest of the year.

Why don't you just 'play dead'?

That's what I do. DH gets up then.

Stop the martyred passive aggressive behaviour.

They can be spectacularly obtuse when it comes to picking up signals and atmosphere.

Use your words.

Sit down when the kids are not there and have a calm adult conversation about what you expect and require.

If that fails, buy one of those old fashioned alarm clocks and put it by his ear.

Get him to organise their school things and uniform in the evening ready for each school day. If he does that, then you just have to sort breakfast.
If there's other things you need sorting out then go and wake him up and tell him what needs doing.
If he hasn't sorted everything they need for school then send the DC to ask him where it is.
And make sure you get a lie in at the weekend if you need it.
Making noise to subtly wake him clearly isn't working and will just frustrate you more.

Buy a MASSIVE bag of Mini Eggs, every morning the child who manages to wake Daddy up and get him downstairs, be that by jumping on him, shrieking in his ear, throwing by things at him etc, gets a mini egg, if they all do it together, they all get one.

A week of that and your H will be getting up by himself, rather than having three children jumping on him as an alarm call.

Whilst the kids are busy waking him up, you can be packing the lunch boxes or whatever else needs doing and they won’t be distracting you.

Job done.

Has he not got a job to get up for? 7.50 is late for a week day!

pour a bowl of cold water over him?

My husband and I agreed to alternate days on whose turn it is to get up with the kids and get them ready for school. I think you need to have a sit-down talk with your husband about how frustrated and resentful you are because of this.

He can get up. If he was in basic training in the army and he’d be facing sanctions for not getting up in time, he wouldn’t still be lying there mumbling.

Who gets the kids ready and out to school then?

Surely you need to both sit down and make a plan for mornings? He’s not an early riser, I get it, me neither. My husband gets up earlier than me as he needs to leave earlier, so he gets the school aged kids up, ensures they’re dressed (I’ve laid out uniforms night before and got PE bags etc. ready) and helps them get breakfast. Then he leaves for work. If the 2yo wakes during this time, I’ve gotta get up. If he chills in his cot, I get a bit extra sleep and my husband gets ready quietly. Then I take over the rest of the morning routine and get them all to school/nursery. Then on weekends one of us lies in Sat, the other Sunday. Neither of us are annoyed, both doing what’s necessary to make it work.

Relax everyone. The man is here to let everyone know it’s OP’s fault, she just has to prepare better.

The shit on this thread from people who think that if he works he doesn't need to help in the mornings?? Listen to yourselves! Fucking hell

This ^

According to my watch dawn today is 5:57am and sunrise 6:32am. (At least it is at my latitude and longitude in the Uk)

YABU for not telling him to get. Clearly he's not going to of his accord so wake him

Basically you can - and you do.

He can - but he won't.

Because you do.

Have the conversation and let him know that you need him to listen, how the resentment and unfairness is building, and you don't want to feel like this.

We take it in turns.

Don't have young kids any more but when we did, DP took them to before school club as it's on the way to thier work (8am start) but every other day I'd get up first and sort the kids before they took them.

When you are getting up pull the curtains, open the window and bring the duvet downstairs with you. He'll get up then!

Okay. Put your big girl pants on, rather than be on mumsnet talking about this you need to talk to him. When the kids have gone to bed tonight have a very clear conversation (no phones or telly on) about this stupid 'dont hear them' behaviour and outline what you expect. Explain they are all equally your children and you are both EQUALLY responsible for them. So unless he wants to be responsible for a relationship going sour and you continuing to resent him, when the children wake up you'll both get up from now on and sort the morning routine. Much calmer environment is needed for all before school and work and you need to be firm and lay out clear boundaries and expectations that you WILL NOT back down from! Don't take any shit!

It was obvious you didn’t have young children. The point being what time you wake up at is totally irrelevant considering this is a couple with 3 young children.

Ok, I get the passive agresivness comments, but why should a grown adult man with kids "need" to be woken up like a child when he has responsibilities?
Put an alarm on for 6.30, wake up. Just like his wife does..
After you ask an adult several times to wake up and he doesn't, you kinda give up!.
It gets annoying the fact that you have to insist to a parent to take on some of the responsibilities rather than shoulder them yourself all the time. I totally understand that.

He needs to sort the bags and packed lunches out before he goes to bed so that everything is by the front door in the morning.

what would he do if you needed to be away for a night if a relative was ill? Would the kids not go to school?

I would burn something and set the smoke alarm off.

And when we did have young children, we took it in turns and I would not get out of bed until 08:30 for a 09:00 start if it wasn't 'my turn'.

My original comment was to the poster that mentioned why are they only getting up at 8am if they start work at 9am.

Well he would get a shake awake ,hand a sharp dig in the ribs from me! Honestly WTF? How can you go on like this for a decade.No more its your life too you know

I feel like most women don't realise that men sleep through anything and aren't wired to wake up to babies/kids anyway, until they have kids.

Link please?! (Teenager!)

OP - you can have this line for free 😁
"where are my PE socks?! 😭"
"They're wherever you put them when I asked you to get your PE kit ready last night."

Remain calm
Repeat as necessary
(You can add an unconcerned "gosh" when they start telling you how they were going to get it but...)