It's a CF one

[Willowthewhip]

Back from a slightly tense weekend away and good to get opinions on my reasonability puls share some CFery!

Group of 4 friends from a sports hobby (long stopped), who meet every month or so for a wine. Friend (the CF) has always come across as a bit tight, eg would never buy someone else a drink but happy to accept offer of one, that kind of thing.

Anyway, my aunt has a holiday house. Ive visited lots with family, it's beautiful and my aunt has always said we can come whenever (assuming no one else is there). Ever since hearing this, CF has banged on about wanting to visit. I was deliberately 'oh maybe' as wasn't sure id enjoy a weekend trip with them. However, as is way with CFs, no hint was got and they persisted, made out to the rest of group that I'd invited them all, and a date was set.

The CFery included:

• refusing to get great value coach and instead pursuing non CF friend to drive us,
• bringing literal car full of clothes/shoes/home comforts (hence refusung coach as wouldn't be able to carry it to station) meaning rest of us had journey with bags (including hers) on our laps (and suggesting we get out and get last minute ££ coach tickets instead))
• claiming the master suite and then moaning next day (to my Aunt who'd popped in briefly to check we were ok!!) about how terrible the bed was, how noisy the ensuite toilet was etc...
• not coming on (free) trips my Aunt had arranged as wanted 'me time'
• bringing sandwiches to lovely pub as didn't want to pay for pub food
• generally just bring PITA - too hot, too cold, hungry, bored etc.

Theres loads of other things but these are just the ones from top of head.

However, reason for this post is I'd asked group if they were ok to contribute to a thank you gift for my aunt. Now, Aunt is wealthy, she absolutely could charge us to stay, but doesnt. Previously we've bought a big bunch of flowers, or houseplant, fruit basket etc - a token of our thanks but still something my Aunt would find a treat.

I'd estimate the cost to rent the house for 2 nights would be £600+

CF said happy to contribute £5.

I honestly thought, you tight cow. Aibu?!

And yes, everyone's financial situation is different but don't invite yourself to someone's house if you're not prepared to contribute properly to the costs when there! Plus regularly away on mini breaks and overseas holidays so not completely skint.

Omg! Please please tell me you didn’t just say “Okay” or similar. If you don’t say something like “Given that she allowed us to stay for two nights for free and it could’ve cost us at least £200+ each, I think we need to dig a little bit deeper, don’t you? I was thinking £50 each. Shall I send you my bank details?”

Frankly, I’m amazed you said yes to the whole thing to begin with. A date wouldn’t have been set without you saying “Okay” at some point.

Id say what were you thinking to get for £20 from all of us???? Say I was thinking about £50pp which would cover a lovely hamper and flowers

YABU if you didn’t actually open your mouth and say something while all this was happening.

The passivity of some posters is almost worse than the CFery they are willing to tolerate. FFS!

She does sound like an absolute nightmare but at some point you have to take ownership of letting her get away with this shit

You could have said no to the whole trip - she can't make you invite her

You could have said no to the driving or at least stayed out of it and got the coach yourself

You could have said "haha no way you cheeky cow, it's my aunts house so I'm having the master suite, there's a nice room next door, here I'll grab your (many) bags...."

You could have said "no way CF, you can't bring sandwiches to the pub, that's embarrassing and they won't let you eat other food there (tbh I'm surprised they did), either eat your sandwiches here first and come with us just for a drink or don't come"

You could have pulled her up on her moaning - it doesn't have to be aggressive or an argument but if you're good enough friends to go away for a weekend together you're close enough to either say jokingly "let me guess x, what's wrong today with your free holiday" or have a quiet word along the lines of "I'm sure you didn't mean to be offensive but telling my aunt all the things wrong with her house when she's been kind enough to let you stay here for free was really rude, and I felt really embarrassed."

I dont understand why people bend over backwards and don't say anything to avoid awkwardness or an argument when the CF clearly doesn't care about everyone else's comfort.

People only get away with what you let them

Most of what you said sounds like the person doesn’t have much cash, however I’d be pushing for at least £20 per person or more to thank the Aunt.

Sorry OP, genuinely no offence intended but I agree with this. It astounds me how passive some people are. I mean, I’m terrified of actual confrontation but there’s a huge difference between simply saying “No sorry I don’t really fancy that right now” or “No I think it’s only fair we spend a bit more than that” and confronting someone.

I think you’re completely bonkers for allowing the CF to come with you.

I don't understand how she claimed the master bedroom. Isn't that obviously either yours or the driver's room?

If you didn't feel able to claim it for yourself you could have said "actually that's driver's seeing as she kindly drove all the way here".

What did the other friends think of her being like this?

I really don't understand how no one stood up to her at any point.

She is being a CF because you all enable her to.

No is a valid answer to anything you don't want to do.

Why tolerate it?!

I voted YANBU, but YABU to not say anything and let her get away with it. I'd never have given in to her in the first place regarding going to the holiday home.

Not just cheeky but extremely fucking rude!! I’m astonished that she complained to your poor aunt - what an arse!

Agree with PPs that you kind of allowed yourself to be railroaded, though - driver should definitely have got the bigger room…

Hope there won’t be a return visit for the CF - and if they ask, I hope you tell them why!

CFs are only CFs coz they are not called out on their behaviour .
I don’t really understand people who come on here moaning when in reality they should just stand up for themselves 🙄
You are more unreasonable than she is for accepting it .

Thank you! I voted YABU for letting this twat walk all over you, OP. How does someone organise a group outing to stay at the relative of someone else’s house for free happen anyway? Does she have something over you or your aunt? Does she have her contact details? You must have arranged everything - so why did you do that?

A simple - I couldn’t possibly impose on my aunt like that, are you serious? Where are YOU arranging for us to stay for free, CF?
was all that was needed, clearly.

Seriously?

This thread is actually unbelievable - who agrees to be steam-rolled into being the designated driver and then everyone else has the arseholes luggage on their laps for the entire journey? (Was it you again, OP?)

And then to all stand by looking at each other meekly when she commandeers the best room!

A simple word said firmly would have been the answer to all the implausible scenarios you have described -

“ B E H A V E ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ”

Why the actual fuck do people keep enabling these CF’s? Use your words, people!

I see everyone having a crack but CF are draining. I have a friend who is happy to showy with her health but is soooooooooo tight with group things.

If I don’t invite I don’t get to see her.. and I like her rally tough situation.

But I wouldn’t be putting someone else’s bags on my lap during a car journey how does that happen? CF wouldn’t have been getting in the car at that point and you’d have all been spared the misery of her selfishness that weekend.

There were plenty of opportunities to stop the behaviour. Anyway, ask her to contribute more.

I imagine your aunt’s cleaning and laundry costs will be at least £50, so £5 wouldn’t cover her share of the cleaning costs let alone a gift

I quite agree, this all sounds too far fetched to be real.

This person is a cf. Most of the problem is you letting them do it.

I agree with the others, all of this is down to you. You knew what she was like and you literally laid yourself out like a doormat. Don't be surprised when she wipes her feet on you.

There will always be people who take advantage in life. That's when you have to use your big girl voice and say No.

💯

I voted YABU for letting yourself get into this. When she told everyone you’d invited them all, you should have said there was clearly a misunderstanding. When she tried to bring so many bags, you all should have said no. When she asked for the master bedroom, you should have said no,

Sadly the fault is yours.

Why did you let her claim the master suite? Your Aunt, your choice, or let the driver decide. Sounds like you let her do what she wants. I’d have told her not to bring a sandwich to the pub too. £5 is ridiculous. I’d be binning her off.

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