It's a CF one

[Willowthewhip]

Back from a slightly tense weekend away and good to get opinions on my reasonability puls share some CFery!

Group of 4 friends from a sports hobby (long stopped), who meet every month or so for a wine. Friend (the CF) has always come across as a bit tight, eg would never buy someone else a drink but happy to accept offer of one, that kind of thing.

Anyway, my aunt has a holiday house. Ive visited lots with family, it's beautiful and my aunt has always said we can come whenever (assuming no one else is there). Ever since hearing this, CF has banged on about wanting to visit. I was deliberately 'oh maybe' as wasn't sure id enjoy a weekend trip with them. However, as is way with CFs, no hint was got and they persisted, made out to the rest of group that I'd invited them all, and a date was set.

The CFery included:

• refusing to get great value coach and instead pursuing non CF friend to drive us,
• bringing literal car full of clothes/shoes/home comforts (hence refusung coach as wouldn't be able to carry it to station) meaning rest of us had journey with bags (including hers) on our laps (and suggesting we get out and get last minute ££ coach tickets instead))
• claiming the master suite and then moaning next day (to my Aunt who'd popped in briefly to check we were ok!!) about how terrible the bed was, how noisy the ensuite toilet was etc...
• not coming on (free) trips my Aunt had arranged as wanted 'me time'
• bringing sandwiches to lovely pub as didn't want to pay for pub food
• generally just bring PITA - too hot, too cold, hungry, bored etc.

Theres loads of other things but these are just the ones from top of head.

However, reason for this post is I'd asked group if they were ok to contribute to a thank you gift for my aunt. Now, Aunt is wealthy, she absolutely could charge us to stay, but doesnt. Previously we've bought a big bunch of flowers, or houseplant, fruit basket etc - a token of our thanks but still something my Aunt would find a treat.

I'd estimate the cost to rent the house for 2 nights would be £600+

CF said happy to contribute £5.

I honestly thought, you tight cow. Aibu?!

And yes, everyone's financial situation is different but don't invite yourself to someone's house if you're not prepared to contribute properly to the costs when there! Plus regularly away on mini breaks and overseas holidays so not completely skint.

Maybe, but that’s not the impression the OP has given, and cleaning after one guest in your own home is entirely different to getting a whole property back to rights after four guests all staying in different rooms/multiple bathrooms. I didn’t set out to be contentious but well done for taking issue where none was intended.

It’s a bit patronising to tell OP how she should behave to her own aunt, when OP has stayed with her aunt many times and they clearly have a lovely relationship.

Errr, I didn’t. There was a question mark in my original reply indicating that I was enquiring if that were the case. OP clearly stated she wanted to thank her aunt and for all guests to contribute - I was agreeing that was reasonable.aaaaanyway, enjoy your evening, go and pick a fight with your reflection.

Err, no she didn’t, she said she always thanks her aunt for the stays with a big bunch of flowers, a houseplant or a fruit basket.

You were the one who picked at a fight with my suggestion that the aunt may not want a monetary thanks.

Agree with this, OP needs to specify the amount everyone is expected to contribute.

Invite her again but accidentally lock her in her room with an escaped snake/tarantula and go home.

As an adult that behaviour should of been called out. I would of said whilst chucking excess baggage out the car. You are taking the piss mate.

The rest of the behaviour I would of said you tight arsed twat. Behave or fuck off home.

I actually think the £5 offer is the least egregious thing that she did. I’m shocked that some people think £50 each is the right amount for a token gift. Granted I would have said £10 or £20 but it’s a bit off not to specify an amount and then be so affronted by what someone offers.

Bringing sandwiches to a pub was much worse in my opinion.

(time out) I think we’re at slightly crossed purposes but on the same page. I meant to suggest that the flowers or whatever should adequately compensate for the effort required (assuming there isn’t a cleaner to be paid in cash in the background in which case I’d still want the aunt not to be out of pocket) but on rereading I see I didn’t make that clear. Sorry!

Genuinely don’t understand why you are all still friends with the CF, does she actually bring anything of real value to the friendship group? As in, good company etc? To be honest, if I had a friend who was as difficult as this one, I think even if she was Mother Theresa in every other way I’d find that amount of CFery would sour the relationship.
I think If I couldn’t get up the courage to raise the issue with her - and I empathise, I’m useless at challenging people- I’d start phasing her out quietly. Make a separate group chat without her, and use that for arranging anything you’d rather all do without her, and only use the original group chat with her in it for the regular wine outings.

She sounds awful 😞 getting one person to drive you all , well that’s understandable I guess .
I am not a fan of long distance coaches myself but I’d pay fuel money , have stops on the journey where I’d buy the driver coffee / snacks , swap over seats in car as necessary and bring a small bag for the weekend to save space .
Taking the en-suite bedroom, disgraceful.
The person doing the driving should have got that or you OP.

how is it a token gift ? do holiday home owners magically have no bills / overheads or need for cleaning? Every time you stay for free in someone’s holiday home it will cost them money .

How much are the bills for 2 nights really going to come to though? Particularly given they seem to have eaten out at least some of the time.

You're talking mainly the heating for a few hours/and heat/water for showers, max of £20 quid "bills" not 4 x £50.

Even with cleaning, you'd hope 4 women who had only stayed a few nights and who had the house for free wouldn't have made more of a mess than they could have quickly cleaned up themselves before leaving.

I mean you kinda let this all happen didn't you?
Id have shut it down the moment she started hinting about it!