It's a CF one

[Willowthewhip]

Back from a slightly tense weekend away and good to get opinions on my reasonability puls share some CFery!

Group of 4 friends from a sports hobby (long stopped), who meet every month or so for a wine. Friend (the CF) has always come across as a bit tight, eg would never buy someone else a drink but happy to accept offer of one, that kind of thing.

Anyway, my aunt has a holiday house. Ive visited lots with family, it's beautiful and my aunt has always said we can come whenever (assuming no one else is there). Ever since hearing this, CF has banged on about wanting to visit. I was deliberately 'oh maybe' as wasn't sure id enjoy a weekend trip with them. However, as is way with CFs, no hint was got and they persisted, made out to the rest of group that I'd invited them all, and a date was set.

The CFery included:

• refusing to get great value coach and instead pursuing non CF friend to drive us,
• bringing literal car full of clothes/shoes/home comforts (hence refusung coach as wouldn't be able to carry it to station) meaning rest of us had journey with bags (including hers) on our laps (and suggesting we get out and get last minute ££ coach tickets instead))
• claiming the master suite and then moaning next day (to my Aunt who'd popped in briefly to check we were ok!!) about how terrible the bed was, how noisy the ensuite toilet was etc...
• not coming on (free) trips my Aunt had arranged as wanted 'me time'
• bringing sandwiches to lovely pub as didn't want to pay for pub food
• generally just bring PITA - too hot, too cold, hungry, bored etc.

Theres loads of other things but these are just the ones from top of head.

However, reason for this post is I'd asked group if they were ok to contribute to a thank you gift for my aunt. Now, Aunt is wealthy, she absolutely could charge us to stay, but doesnt. Previously we've bought a big bunch of flowers, or houseplant, fruit basket etc - a token of our thanks but still something my Aunt would find a treat.

I'd estimate the cost to rent the house for 2 nights would be £600+

CF said happy to contribute £5.

I honestly thought, you tight cow. Aibu?!

And yes, everyone's financial situation is different but don't invite yourself to someone's house if you're not prepared to contribute properly to the costs when there! Plus regularly away on mini breaks and overseas holidays so not completely skint.

So absolutely none of you said anything to the CF when you were made to put your bags on your laps, she claimed the en-suite, whined about everything including to your relative, took sarnies to the pub and now won’t contribute. Nothing was said?

@Willowthewhip

Jesus Christ, why do you all give in to this awful woman??

Just tell her to feck off!! Why on earth would you let her take the master suite & then be rude to your aunt?? Shame her for not contributing properly to a gift, let this weekend be a lesson & cut her out of your lives!!

I think being a doormat is worse than being a CF

She is a CF but these people only get away with it if we let them

I think yabu because you've allowed yourself to be rail-roaded by the cf person all the way.
Rather than proffering excuses about her visiting the holiday home, you could have merely said, my aunt only lets family members use it when it's not let for money. Or you could have said, 'we like to use it for family, not friends'.
You and the other guests could have -shamed' her into going to the things your aunt arranged, but it seems that this little group is comprised of those unable to use their words to tell this person to behave differently, or tell this 'cf' they are no longer welcome in the group.
You all are facilitating her behaviour by allowing it.

It's always the same with these CFs, they carry on because people allow them to. Do you have a group chat? I'd be calling her out in it.

If you said nothing and allowed such behaviour to stand you’re part of the problem.

What do the other two people in the group think of this situation?

Wow never seen such a bandwagon response in all my time here. Yes op shouldn't enable. I also don't understand why op even mentioned it to ppl that she has access to her aunts home. Me personally wouldn't mention stuff like that for this exact reason of any inappropriate persons asking for access too. But to all the posters coming on here acting like they all so tough and blaming op, I'd say more then likely you've all enabled or turned a blind eye to someone in your whole lives because sometimes it's easier and we see it day in and day out.

I would definitely shame her on the group WhatsApp about the £5... "🤣 £5? Very funny CF, no I think £40 per person will cover Aunt's laundry and utility costs. Here are my bank details. "

It's too late for the rest if the Cfery which should have been addressed at the time.

Incidentally, why are you friends with this person? She sounds horrific.

I also voted YABU for this exact reason. She is being a CF because you are all letting her and then getting secretly resentful and angry about it but wont express it to her- bloody tell her!

Astonished at the lack of backbone from a few posters today

You already knew she was going to behave like that, so why take her and then come on here and complain about her. 🤷‍♀️

I don't understand how you were forced into all of this.

Friend doesn't want to get the coach - you say, fine, you can drive, but I'm getting the coach.

Master bedroom - be firm that you are going to draw lots for it.

Not wanting to go on day trips - fair enough, she can amuse herself while the rest of you go.

Bringing sandwiches to pub - I'm surprised the pub management would let her eat her own food, but again, leave her to it and enjoy the meal.

Constant moaning - ignore or tell her bluntly to belt up.

Gift for your aunt - if you were expecting a substantial contribution this should have been discussed as part of the arrangements - you can't demand this out of the blue - the amount she has offered is a standard 'off the cuff' gift contribution amount such as you might give in an office whip round - you needed to manage expectations from the outset.

I agree with @SwanOfThoseThingsnobody can force you into something like that! And you can't just spring on them now that you want £50 from each of them without prior discussion, it should have been brought up earlier, before the trip

No advice op just giving you a bit of sympathy. I’m part of a group where there is a cf and yes I know we allow it. However when she says/does something it is so hard in the second to actually say anything as we are so surprised.

I suppose we are also conditioned to ‘be nice’ and not cause a fuss, so people get away with it.

In future you should have a sum in mind.
Ok, I’d like £xx amount each please to buy my aunt a gift for being so kind.

Sorry OP, but you and your friends are absolute drips to let her get away with this stuff.

Amen!

Yabu if you don’t say what the very first comment said- given how generous she’s been I really think we could each do £50, here are my bank details. And chase her for it, shamelessly, as every message from you to her saying pay up makes it less likely she pushes you in the future as she will think ah no not her, she bloody well thought I owed £50 for a gift!

You were bonkers for letting her push you into the holiday in the first place. But at least her CF behaviour gives you the perfect reason to exclude her next time. No point asking her to come again if bed is so bad, toilet so noisy etc.

3 of you, 1 of her and no-one pulled her up?
YABU!

Honestly I think I would say, "After inviting yourself on a free holiday at someone else's house and badgering another person to drive you there so you didn't have to get the coach, I wish I could say I am amazed that you're only willing to contribute £5 for a thank you gift, but sadly it's not surprising. Don't bother, I'll sort the gift myself, and the next time you try to wangle a free holiday, the answer will be no."

This. CF's get away with stuff because lettuces let them.

Why are you surprised if the CF has form?