It's a CF one

[Willowthewhip]

Back from a slightly tense weekend away and good to get opinions on my reasonability puls share some CFery!

Group of 4 friends from a sports hobby (long stopped), who meet every month or so for a wine. Friend (the CF) has always come across as a bit tight, eg would never buy someone else a drink but happy to accept offer of one, that kind of thing.

Anyway, my aunt has a holiday house. Ive visited lots with family, it's beautiful and my aunt has always said we can come whenever (assuming no one else is there). Ever since hearing this, CF has banged on about wanting to visit. I was deliberately 'oh maybe' as wasn't sure id enjoy a weekend trip with them. However, as is way with CFs, no hint was got and they persisted, made out to the rest of group that I'd invited them all, and a date was set.

The CFery included:

• refusing to get great value coach and instead pursuing non CF friend to drive us,
• bringing literal car full of clothes/shoes/home comforts (hence refusung coach as wouldn't be able to carry it to station) meaning rest of us had journey with bags (including hers) on our laps (and suggesting we get out and get last minute ££ coach tickets instead))
• claiming the master suite and then moaning next day (to my Aunt who'd popped in briefly to check we were ok!!) about how terrible the bed was, how noisy the ensuite toilet was etc...
• not coming on (free) trips my Aunt had arranged as wanted 'me time'
• bringing sandwiches to lovely pub as didn't want to pay for pub food
• generally just bring PITA - too hot, too cold, hungry, bored etc.

Theres loads of other things but these are just the ones from top of head.

However, reason for this post is I'd asked group if they were ok to contribute to a thank you gift for my aunt. Now, Aunt is wealthy, she absolutely could charge us to stay, but doesnt. Previously we've bought a big bunch of flowers, or houseplant, fruit basket etc - a token of our thanks but still something my Aunt would find a treat.

I'd estimate the cost to rent the house for 2 nights would be £600+

CF said happy to contribute £5.

I honestly thought, you tight cow. Aibu?!

And yes, everyone's financial situation is different but don't invite yourself to someone's house if you're not prepared to contribute properly to the costs when there! Plus regularly away on mini breaks and overseas holidays so not completely skint.

I think all the posters having a go at the op are being a bit unfair. Sometimes your gast is so flabbered at what’s coming out of someone’s mouth you just can’t think of the right words to reply at the time and only with hindsight think of a suitable response

Yes but you know what they say about fool me once, fool me twice?

Sure, this is true but the holiday was planned- it wasnt an impromptu thing they decided one day and then went the very next day, OP did have time to come up with an excuse why the holiday let couldnt be used eg: "sorry, my aunt only lets family stay there" etc As PP have suggested. She already knew what this friend was like beforehand.

Next time you hesitate about pulling her up on her CF remember you aren’t going to hurt her feelings because people like her have very thick skin. They have to or would be constantly blushing. Decent people don’t keep putting themselves in situations they can’t afford expecting others to cover the cost.
Be cheerful but be blunt….

I won’t get you a drink because I know you don’t like doing rounds.

Why would I organise a free weekend away for you when you haven’t bought me so much as a Cornish pasty? (Laugh)

Bit late for that one but you get the gist.

Ive had times when I wasn’t earning as much as friends. I met up with them less frequently, but still enough to maintain the friendships. I only ordered what I could afford and paid separately.

You shouldn't bring someone like that to your Aunt's house OP, it's not fair on your aunt or anyone else. Why on earth do you still arrange things with this woman?

She is indeed a grade A CF, but you and the others in the group have just let her walk all over you. Tell her that the minimum contribution is £50.
I would also be saying something along the lines of… ‘It’s such a shame, you won’t be joining us again in a weekend away seeing as the house wasn’t up to scratch for you.’ And every time she protests, just shut her down and say ‘It’s fine honestly. I understand that you can’t please everyone. Don’t try and make yourself go through another uncomfortable experience to please others. I won’t allow it’ and then change the conversation.

This. There were so many points to say no , the initial idea, refusing to drive the car, the putting all the luggage in the car the claiming of the ensuite etc etc And just say how much you wanted CF to put in for the flowers.

CF sounds appalling. Why are you friends?

Why didn’t you say something?

“Sorry X, that sounds like a massive PITA, let’s get the coach.
[Bag issue wouldn’t have arisen anyway, but in furure] X what the hell have you got in those bags, we’re only going for 2 nights! No way will that fit in the car! You’re either going to have to repack or get a taxi.
Now X my aunt has specifically asked me to go in this room, and given that I’ve arranged it I think that’s fair. You’re over here…
X if you don’t like the accommodation, there’s a bus home at 11. I think what you meant was “thank you”….”

Remember CFs are only CFs because people have never stopped them.

Why the hell did none of you say anything??

the master bedroom??

Totally agree with this. Ridiculous not to call her out at ANY of the points above you’ve mentioned.

Instead you let it continue…..this is as much on you as it is her.

I agree with this- there were many points you could have politely declined, it doesnt have to be rude or confrontational. There is a huge middle ground between being treated like a doormat and starting a friendship war.

If you are going to continue to enable her behaviour then you cant really complain about it- you know exactly how it's going to go so either put up with it or stop it. But dont be surprised at the same thing happening over and over again if you arent willing to say something.

Thanks for responses! I was really interested to know if the £5 was as cheeky as I thought it was but I'll respond to other bits now.

As to how she came in first place, I was non committal at first, brushing off requests. However, I got worn down with the constant requests. Appreciate I should have told her to fuck off with the badgering, but at that point, save some tightness with drinks, there was no other evidence of cheeky fuckery, and it would have been a bit out of the blue.

I honestly thought it would be hard to get a date we could all do, and then chance of house being available on that date was also low. So it probably wouldn't happen.

Plus, even if it did happen, at this point, her CF colours hadn't truly been revealed, and I thought it might even be nice/fun. One of the friends has had a shit time recently and I think at that point I CF said how good it would be to get her away and why not go to your Aunts house, and I my 'lets look into it' was taken as a firm invite. Absolutely agree with posters that this was on me to firm no but CF are by their nature, relentless.

Plus I knew my Aunt would have no.issue, she loves meeting new people and having people in the house.

I do understand how it’s not always as easy as it sounds to call out a CF right there but I do think it’s easier to stop making plans with them in future. The only ones I haven’t managed to weed out of my life/plans are DH’s friends although I try to encourage him to just do things with his friends himself so I haven’t got to see and be frustrated by the tightwads after group dinners etc.

Respond with something like
"£5. That's an insult to me and to my aunt. It doesn't even cover the cost of heating and hot water. Here's my bank details for your share. By the way, you also owe Tracey for petrol."

Only if the friend didn't already have form for CFery.

They can do it to me the once, life is far too short for shit friends who take advantage.

I’m with @latetothefisting — some of this is on you. It is literally impossible for a CF to be a CF without a WL (Wet Lettuce). From what you say, you knew perfectly well that a weekend with this person would be trying and yet you enabled all these behaviours. Perfectly possible not to invite her. Perfectly possible to say ‘We’re getting the coach; see you there!’ Perfectly possible to say ‘We draw lots for the biggest room’. Perfectly possible to say ‘I think what CF meant to say, Auntie X, was thank you very much for letting her use your house’ etc etc.

Also, that perennial Mn mystery. Why have ‘friends’ you don’t like or respect, who are rude, inconsiderate and ungracious?

I think with people like this, it even needs drawing up before agreeing who’s in.

Eg. “It obviously won’t be a total freebie. It’ll cost drivers about £X to travel X miles. I also think £XPP is an appropriate amount to cover costs for my aunt so we can arrive with a gift for her.”

Then agree that the bank transfers for both will be made in advance before the trip so you’re not chasing up CFs after it’s over. It’ll filter out CFs who won’t want to part with petrol and gift cash.

This is why I am thrilled to have never been asked to organise a big, especially abroad hen do or something similar. There are far too many CFs. The amount of hen party group chats I’ve been in that have quickly turned sour over money…

There was plenty of standing up to her. She had to leave a couple of bags at home so we'd all fit in car. She wanted to visit a outlet store on way down, we said no. She wanted us to pick her up her specialist coffee, we said you can get it yourself, didn't want to go for pub lunch but we did etc. Especially as weekend progressed and everyone realised how rude she was.

Who paid for the petrol?

This is also exactly WHY CF has so much money to spend on herself.... Decent pals let her get away with it...

The CF sounds exactly like my SIL, except the most she'd give would be 20p.
Sounds like CF friend needs to be kept at arm's length from now on.

Is there any chance she could have made a copy of the key to your aunt’s place? I’m getting Mexican house thief vibes!

Yes she’s rude but you said yes when you should of said my aunt only lets family stay.

You’ll know for next time someone asks though.

All of this. These people exist because others let them get away with their outrageous behaviour.