It's a CF one

[Willowthewhip]

Back from a slightly tense weekend away and good to get opinions on my reasonability puls share some CFery!

Group of 4 friends from a sports hobby (long stopped), who meet every month or so for a wine. Friend (the CF) has always come across as a bit tight, eg would never buy someone else a drink but happy to accept offer of one, that kind of thing.

Anyway, my aunt has a holiday house. Ive visited lots with family, it's beautiful and my aunt has always said we can come whenever (assuming no one else is there). Ever since hearing this, CF has banged on about wanting to visit. I was deliberately 'oh maybe' as wasn't sure id enjoy a weekend trip with them. However, as is way with CFs, no hint was got and they persisted, made out to the rest of group that I'd invited them all, and a date was set.

The CFery included:

• refusing to get great value coach and instead pursuing non CF friend to drive us,
• bringing literal car full of clothes/shoes/home comforts (hence refusung coach as wouldn't be able to carry it to station) meaning rest of us had journey with bags (including hers) on our laps (and suggesting we get out and get last minute ££ coach tickets instead))
• claiming the master suite and then moaning next day (to my Aunt who'd popped in briefly to check we were ok!!) about how terrible the bed was, how noisy the ensuite toilet was etc...
• not coming on (free) trips my Aunt had arranged as wanted 'me time'
• bringing sandwiches to lovely pub as didn't want to pay for pub food
• generally just bring PITA - too hot, too cold, hungry, bored etc.

Theres loads of other things but these are just the ones from top of head.

However, reason for this post is I'd asked group if they were ok to contribute to a thank you gift for my aunt. Now, Aunt is wealthy, she absolutely could charge us to stay, but doesnt. Previously we've bought a big bunch of flowers, or houseplant, fruit basket etc - a token of our thanks but still something my Aunt would find a treat.

I'd estimate the cost to rent the house for 2 nights would be £600+

CF said happy to contribute £5.

I honestly thought, you tight cow. Aibu?!

And yes, everyone's financial situation is different but don't invite yourself to someone's house if you're not prepared to contribute properly to the costs when there! Plus regularly away on mini breaks and overseas holidays so not completely skint.

Exactly this. This is a lesson you should learn, give CF's an inch, and they'll take a mile.

YABU to allow it to get this far. You knew exactly what she was like but went passively along with her undiluted cheek and audacity.

I often question many of these CF posts because they all seem so unbelievable to me, that grown ups actually let the cheap behaviour of others slide to the point they are holidaying at an aunt's holidaying home - and nabbing the master room. Her freeloading feet wouldn't have touched floor if she tried this shit with me.

Obviously you know YANBU regarding the gift, but honestly, wisen up and stop being walked over. Get your aunt the nice gift and tell CF where to go, and mean it. It is outrageous that you all put up with any of it.

sorry, but quite honestly this is on you. CF's get away with this because people let them. If you called them out on any of the things they did likely the tears would start and the claims of no money, having a hard time etc.

The master room wasn't a big deal - All the rooms are nice, it was more amusing that of course she picked the biggest ie best one. I know actually the toilet is a bit noisy, and other rooms have nicer views, easier to get to etc. But she had to have that one. As the kids would say, she's got main character syndrome.

My aunt honestly welcomes everyone. My cousin has some questionable friends and this woman loves it. She thought the CF was a hoot, and laughed off her complaints - in retrospect I think she may have thought she was joking!

It's hard to understand why the trip ever happened, or why you tolerated such entitled and rude behaviour at your aunt's house. Please say she's no longer a friend, if indeed she ever really was. Life's too short to be around people like that.

I think contributions should have been discussed before you went. It’s a bit unfair to spring it on everyone after the trip.

It’s easy to say on here that you should have said something or pulled her up but it’s hard in a group situation.
CF are usually subtle so it’s only afterwards that you look back and see all the behaviour as a whole that you think wtf did I put up with all that. For all the posters on here saying say something, I haven’t seen anyone call out CF in person and I unfortunately know a couple. They’ve been called out over text and ditched by a few people but no ones said anything to their face, and that’s always their defence for their blatantly cheeky ways.

I agree with this too

Um no, I haven't let anybody walk all over me my whole life. It's worrying that you think that's normal.

I'm really worried about my daughter. I see her allowing this as well. She is scared of saying no to people because she feels they won't like her if she does💔 I dunno what to do😞

Tbh she sounds very CF for most of it but I dislike generalised 'shall we get a gift' in group settings.

Personally I would not be able to go on a break in the first place unless it was house sitting, or a similar low cost opportunity - so if I had accepted a low cost offer only for people to then turn around and suggest we basically spend the equivalent on a gift... I'd be a bit annoyed.

If you have a clear idea of what gift you want to get it would be better to lead with 'I was thinking let's get this gift that is 100 quid, that's 20 each, is that okay?' Rather than seeing who is the most generous with their offers.

People have different understandings of what is reasonable, and that's fine. My partner and I spend £20-40 on each other's gift for birthdays, and we've been together 10 years. My friends will spend 300+ on their partners. Wildly different assessments of what is reasonable. And neither of us are wrong.

(but she does sound generally like an idiot and a bit rude and a bit pushy - so you're not wrong about her being a CF in general, especially with inviting herself etc.)

What is CF?

I would never let it get that far. I wouldn’t go away with someone I wasn’t that fussed on. I’d have kept shutting it down.

That’s because Mn is disproportionately full of people who struggle with relationships, are poor at communication (lurching between meek WL and eruption and going NC), and appear to live surrounded by ‘friends’ they dislike.

This OP already knew what this woman was like, and, as the person with the aunt who owned the house, was the one with all the power in the scenario. There was no need whatsoever for the weekend to even go ahead — she could have simply said there were no weekends when it wasn’t being used in the immediate future. No need for some kind of reality tv-style ‘calling out’.

Then the aunt would be as much of a wet lettuce (albeit a kind one) as the OP

Same again!!

YANBU, but you can't force them to contribute, and I wouldn't expect it based on past behaviour. I wouldn't invite them to anything like this again and would let them know exactly why.

Right, so you weren't too wet to put a stop to this but found it hilarious instead. Ok.

Backing away slowly from the enraged wet lettuce...

Oh I remember - Cheeky F.

Cheeky Fcuker.

So, would you go away with this person again, OP?

Oh I always thought it was Complete! Every day's a school day.

No I didn’t say I don’t believe it’s real, that’s not what I meant. I completely believe it’s real as I’ve had a CF friend before who genuinely, truly believed everyone existed for her benefit and her use. I’ve also had people in my life like OP who allow these CF’s (and everyone else) to do/say anything and everything, in order to ‘keep the peace’ with seemingly no limit. My MIL is this person and would walk scorched earth in bare feet if it kept the peace. It’s irritating beyond belief as you never can trust her fully as she keeps things to herself if she determines it might cause even slight annoyance to someone around her.