Mother’s Day disappointment aibu

[genderguessesplz]

i have a daughter age 2, and am 14 weeks pregnant with baby 2.

All week I’ve seen a gift bag in the dining room that says happy Mother’s Day on it, I was really looking forward to seeing what daddy and my toddler might have picked for me.

i opened a mug that says mum, I am known as mummy as my daughter is only tiny. My husband told me his sister had bought it had got it to him, so he didn’t even choose it

I feel sad that my husband didn’t do it and I’ve put the mug in a charity bag as I don’t want a Mother’s Day gift from my sister in law. Only my child or husband

am I being unreasonable here.

I am a ‘Mam’ but have 2 ‘Mum’ mugs bought for separate Mother’s Days and was once bought a ‘Mummy’ card, also just laughed!

Blimey - we're getting right down to the 'just be grateful' posts now.

OP - be grateful you are breathing in and out won't you!?!

Jesus

I think you need to stop ruminating on the potential thoughts behind the action your SIL took. She’s irrelevant here other than what she did was a kindness. She shouldn’t be brought into it any further IMO, and you should thank her if anything. The issue is with your DH and it appears he’s not taking accountability at all reading some of your more recent comments. YANBU to have expected him to do a little something for you from them - a card, a little bunch of flowers. Something. It’s poor form. The Dad doing something is what shows the children they should make an effort once they’re able to. It’s modelling the behaviour. Don’t let him start manipulating you into thinking it’s your pregnancy hormones!! Be calm and communicate by all means, but stick to your guns with how you feel.

Mother's Day is for children and their mothers.

It will be more meaningful when your children are old enough to be grateful for you and do things for themselves.
At this stage it isn't a meaningful day, imo.
My teenagers were lovely and thoughtful (homemade card from 17 y o boy, gift bought online from 15 yo boy) that it was from them and they understood why they were giving makes it meaningful.

You are not being unreasonable at all. Why should be grateful? No thought was put in at all.

It isn’t difficult to nip to the Asda or a card shop and pick something up.

I have had a similar argument with my husband. My daughter is 2 and I got a mum card for Christmas and didn’t even get me a gift from my daughter for our first Christmas. I bought myself one and my mum ordered me a card.

This Mother’s Day I got a mummy card and a a nice bracelet. Nothing expensive but an elasticated one I like that has meaning.

It is not hard to be thoughtful.

You are so ungrateful. No one has any obligation of buying you anything

when your children are primary school age you will get hand made cards, gifts they’ve made and probably Mother’s Day assembly’s. For now accept the mug with mum on. It’s the thought that counts even if it’s from SIL.
look forward to the days when your little ones are super excited to show you what they’ve made and don’t dwell on this too much, it will just cause unnecessary tension for you.
my best gift this year was a handwritten poem by my DD age 8. i cried my eyes out. She researched the poem online and wrote it out herself. It’s the thought that counts and you will have many years of lovely little gifts your children will make you.

Expectations of other people’s actions that you cannot control oftenlead to disappointment. Stop expecting people to do what you THINK they should do and you might find yourself being a lot less upset when the plan you imagined doesn’t materialise in the Hallmark tv drama you envisaged

Go out and buy yourself a mug with mummy on it if that’s what you want.

I grew up poor got presents but no big deal. What is this shit?

I was home all alone yesterday. OH had to do some import FIL things. I wasn’t going to stop him for some commercialised crap day?

He brought a curry home as I asked and I had a peaceful me day with my dogs with an extra long soak in the bath.

Bliss and it didn’t come from a tatty shop.

Has he picked it, that would be different. The fact she got it shows his lack of thought, so no YANBU

Agree! My ex husband would take our children to choose something. When they were little he’d get a card and flowers and my fave chocolates. As they got older they chose the card and present themselves.

It’s really not hard and teaches them to value others. It’s not about ‘commercialism’ and ‘buying into consumerism’ it’s just about a little something to show you care for your mother, or the mother of your children. Going to a shop for something someone will like is not taxing or laborious if you care for them.

You’re very lucky! My 18 yo son lives home, didn’t even say happy Mother’s Day, let alone get me anything. It was his birthday last Monday and I made sure it was special and spoiled him. Maybe that’s where I’ve gone wrong, but I’m so hurt. Never again.

Yeah a bit unreasonable there love
My children are older than yours and I bought my own mothers day present 🤷🏻‍♀️

Next year let him know your expectations in advance

No you are definitely not being unreasonable OP x
I’d feel sad too if my husband got his sister to get something for me for Mother’s Day , didn’t pick himself .
It was thoughtless of him ..

I can understand why you were upset! You are soon to be a Mother again and it would have been nice to feel special for that day. I would have been upset if my sister in law had picked my gift. My husband used to go out with our child and let her help choose a small gift. Suggest your husband does that in future. Your daughter is just a tot.Get rid of the offending mug. Put it behind you and look forward to next Mothers Day. Good luck with the new baby!

YABU. I think your reaction is a bit over the top and I couldn’t get too worked up about it. Is your DH normally a bit laissez faire about presents/cards etc? Did he ask your SIL to get you something or did she offer? The mum instead of mummy thing on the mug is ridiculous and I don’t think you should have got rid of it.

You are not a mother to your husband as well as per the logic. I would just wait for children grow up to make a card or whatever.... So nice of your sister in law though - she just did a favour which went into the charity bag unfortunately!

’wait for the children to grow up’🙄
You sound so silly , it’s about OPS husband being more thoughtful ..
I get that & so do the majority of posters on here ..

From someone who is utterly shite at giving gifts, He is probably well aware that it's a crap gift. he'll be happy he got something; almost anything will do as he's got something, regardless of where it came from or how crap it may be.

Some people are not very good at this type of thing; some spend loads of money on over-the-top gifts. It's easy to say, but try not to take it to heart.

Your missing the point , his sister got it !

This is actually really sad and certainly not the norm… at least not amongst the people I know. I really don’t think OP should have to set expectations - it’s commonplace for Dads to help their younger children select gifts to model how to do it and why it’s an important occasion to celebrate and show Mum they care. So sorry you had to make your own present.

Not really, yes the gift was a bit faff but the point still stands: any gift, regardless of where it came from. would she have felt any different if it was from tesco or her mom had picked it up for him?

My DD lives ten minutes drive away. I have always been supportive, kind and generous with her, even giving her a large deposit to help her and her partner buy their house. I regularly look after my DGC and buy clothes etc for them. My DD has been very difficult this last year or so, and decided to send me a WhatsApp message saying "Happy Mother's Day" last year. That's it! This year I got nothing at all. The bank of Mum just closed its doors for good!