Mother’s Day disappointment aibu

[genderguessesplz]

i have a daughter age 2, and am 14 weeks pregnant with baby 2.

All week I’ve seen a gift bag in the dining room that says happy Mother’s Day on it, I was really looking forward to seeing what daddy and my toddler might have picked for me.

i opened a mug that says mum, I am known as mummy as my daughter is only tiny. My husband told me his sister had bought it had got it to him, so he didn’t even choose it

I feel sad that my husband didn’t do it and I’ve put the mug in a charity bag as I don’t want a Mother’s Day gift from my sister in law. Only my child or husband

am I being unreasonable here.

YANBU, I have had a shit day too. Also have a 2 year old but 35 weeks pregnant with baby #2.

I was the one who got up early with the toddler, while dad got a lie in toddler was crying, I needed to pee, he said he'd get up in a minute and didn't for 20 minutes while I sorted breakfast and vomited. I had to shout up to ask if he was getting up before he moved FFS.

The house was a tip. It was his turn to clean/tidy last night.

My card still had the price on the back and the cellophane wrapper was on the counter. It had clearly been scribbled this morning.

He took toddler to the park at least, but that wasn't until about 10am.

Nothing planned for today at all.

Lunch was a can of soup — at 2pm.

There was just a very clear lack of effort and it hurts because I know he's very capable of making an effort when he wants to! I wish he'd just TOLD me in advance that he wasn't going to bother then I could have made my own plans.

I can't help feeling shit, and yes the tiredness isn't helping.

Then he asked me, at 4pm, if I was okay because I'd seemed a bit quiet today! I mean what do I even say to that?

Sounds like you're about the same emotional age as your toddler

Apparently she got it months ago so it was either a bargain bin or charity shop grab it now for later gift

so even less thought.

i know im being a tiny bit petulant with the charity bag thing but is the sight of the mug going to annoy me as its not in the spirit of what the day is meant to be

Ignore the unpleasant women playing into ‘how can we be the most grateful for the least appreciation showed’ game.

You've got a long road ahead of you of him being shite - start loving yourself and don’t bother with any effort for him. Don’t relegate yourself to 30 plus years of constantly hoping and then being disappointed when he shows you yet again that you’re worth zero effort.

YABU. Your husband did something, he didn’t forget the day altogether. If you want something specific you need to tell him in advance, he’s not a mind reader. Next year say ‘I expect breakfast in bed, a bunch of flowers and a spa day’ or whatever you want.

You are being petty over the mug. At least the nursery made a card which is lovely.
A toddler is not going to go and choose mummy something regardless of daddy taking them.
Like others have said, it sounds like you are unhappy with your partner and maybe should have reconsidered having a second child with him.

The mum instead of mummy would have bothered me, but not the fact it was chosen by sister in law or that the present was a mug. Mum when you're still at the mummy stage is thoughtless though.

“Even less thought” she isn’t your child or the parent of your child though is she?

Another race to the bottom.

Why are women determined to paint men as having the social skills and emotional intelligence and organisational skills of pond weed.

Its no wonder we don’t move forward, the world is full of women telling any woman who dares to put her head above the parapet to shut up and smile.

it’s utterly depressing

You don't have to be a mind reader to know that a mug which you couldn't even be bothered to buy yourself isn't going to go down well.

While yes we are all grown ups and can voice what we want. Sometimes it would be nice for your DH to do something nice for you without having to be asked.

it can feel a bit hollow if you have to ask for everything, feels like begging

My daughter called me and my son hugged me. Both said Happy Mothers Day.
That is perfectly sufficient for me.

When they were younger they would make me a card or pick some daffodils from the garden.

When they were too young to do anything themselves I didn’t expect DH to do anything.

Father’s Day is exactly the same.

Learn to drive
Sorted

He's showing you that the day means nothing to him. So you do the same for Father's Day. Same with Christmas, Birthdays. DH is a King of fuck all effort so he gets the same in exchange. I used to go all out for his birthdays until I realised how little effort he made for me.

You get what you give in this house.

100%

As the saying goes “it’s the thought that counts” - if you have to organise it yourself there’s no bloody thought

Genuine question, is yours a happy marriage?

Any advice on what to say to the SIL? She’s obviously tried to be kind, but surely she will understand I want her brother to be thoughtful and not her :(

Thanks for the mug!

Absolutely this. Really this is the right attitude. This to me is the traditional Mothers Day.It’s fine don’t over think it ( very kindly)😊X

I wouldn't say anything to her.

I do think that your DH could have made more of an effort, so YANBU for that, but I would be mindful of the optics to your daughter if putting a gift from her in a charity bag. Granted, SIL picked it, but I imagine with the view that it was from your little girl.

I wouldn’t bother. As you said it was bought months and months ago. Likely not originally for you.

The person who needs to thank her is your husband ‘Thanks for bailing me out, sis’

Bit of a dick move to your SIL who saw something and picked it up for you as she thought of you. Your husband is lazy.

But none of that is gaslighting! How is is gaslighting? We are allowed to disagree with another woman, even if they’re a mother.

You’re being ridiculous, almost as ridiculous as the OP putting the mug in a charity shop bag, maybe she’s doing a dis service for the next mother who receives it for Mother’s Day, they’ll be on MN saying he got me a gift from the charity shop!

Thank you?? It was kind of her to do that. You’d have had nothing without her by the looks of it. I wouldn’t punish her, and certainly not your daughter, by essentially chucking it away. It’s your husband you have the grip with her and I do agree he’s been rubbish. Tell him how you feel.