Mother’s Day disappointment aibu

[genderguessesplz]

i have a daughter age 2, and am 14 weeks pregnant with baby 2.

All week I’ve seen a gift bag in the dining room that says happy Mother’s Day on it, I was really looking forward to seeing what daddy and my toddler might have picked for me.

i opened a mug that says mum, I am known as mummy as my daughter is only tiny. My husband told me his sister had bought it had got it to him, so he didn’t even choose it

I feel sad that my husband didn’t do it and I’ve put the mug in a charity bag as I don’t want a Mother’s Day gift from my sister in law. Only my child or husband

am I being unreasonable here.

thats really crappy of him

Exactly this!

Also, in front of my toddler I have been really grateful. But as she didn’t choose it she didn’t care about giving it to me. When we buy nanny flowers or daddy a present or something she gets excited about it

All these threads make me feel glad I’m single - not because of the dismal lack of effort , because of the bitterness and hostility apparent at the so called “D” h/p

JFC...

If you wanted to go somewhere specific you should have said so. Or when he suggested shopping, speak up and say what you really wanted to do. You were silly.

YANBU.

You need to be specific with him (and later, your child) if you have this level of expectation from them.

Tell him clearly: I want a gift picked out by my child, and a card drawn by said child, for Mother's Day. (Or whatever it is exactly that you want) Do not assume he knows. You can see now that he doesn't give a shit about it so this amount of effort is exactly what you'll be getting going forward.

I got very upset one year when there wasn't a fucking card, and I made my irritation clear. I said look, my expectations are not high, but a drawing, piece of artwork or something is what I would like.

I could have ignored it and just set a precedent of being someone cooler than everyone else (I know there's always a competition here on MN for who is happiest with the least effort!) however, this is part of parenting. I do actually like a token drawn card, and possibly more importantly, I've instilled in my child that it's important to remember occasions. I don't want to raise him to think he doesn't have to do anything for his partner when he gets older. Find out what that person wants and do it, assuming it's reasonable ofc.

We do very little but we always mark the occasions, have a meal everyone likes, etc.

Be clear with him or you've got a very long life ahead of you full of disappointment on holidays. You can bemoan that he 'ought to know' but he clearly doesn't, and there's only one way he's going to find out.

I like the idea of a woman being the silly one to not specify where she meant by going out, and not the husband for thinking clearly she'd love to go to fucking Asda.

It's an ongoing issue. im not getting into details. I want to go out, he doesn't. He's the driver. We don't go. End of.

Why is it that when a woman is treated as more or less invisible by her partner theres frequently a race to the bottom from posters responding? What are women gaslighting women into setting the bar so damned low for their fellow women.

I feel like I'm the only one who loves getting a mug. I drink alot of coffee so mugs are an excellent choice 😊

I think you’re right to be hurt and upset about your DH putting in absolutely no thought or effort. He can get the same back on Father’s Day then can’t he.
The throwing away the mug just comes across as petulant and spoiled. You’ve got a lot of disappointing mother’s days ahead of you OP I can guarantee you that, buy yourself something in future and make space for you to do what you want to do.

A gift is a gift.
I am not sure why or when gift days became so important, they really do seem to cause so much heartbreak for families...
Tell your husband that you agree with him from now on gifts should be minimal amounts and no big amounts spent.
Then make sure you keep to this.
He gets mug on Fathers day.

Birthdays will be a maybe a cake and tiny amount.
Not the children, but if you expect nothing it won't hurt you.
Also your children can buy you a gift of your choice to make up for it.

OP save the mug for father's day. Leave it in a gift bag that clearly denotes it's for father's day for the week preceding to get his hopes up 😈

Let you find it early? Honestly!

I'd be disappointed with a mug with the wrong name ion it bought by my sil. You're allowed to have standards and a present with some thought is hardly a ridiculous expectation. I tell dh if he gets a present wrong as Ives get the same again and waste money if I fell over myself with gratitude. Obviously I don't tell dd and will continue to get weird stuff with memes on it for the foreseeable future

What on earth are you on about “gaslighting” ??

I think this. The Mother is childish, and as for putting the mug in a charity bag, how spoilt and petulant.

I would give absolutely anything to have been able celebrate every mothers days with my Babies. Instead I’ve spent the day with empty arms and empty heart and most of it in tears because not one person has even remembered about me

I will not be participating in Father’s Day, if nursery do him a card he can have that and that’s all.
I don’t get why that's a punishment. I don't but anything for Father's Day either because cards are made at school and nursery, same for Mother's Day. What else would he or I need?

He didn’t remember! His sister did!

I’m sure (I hope at any rate) that others have said this by now — but what a nasty response. If you’re that bored by it, don’t waste your time commenting… It might not matter to you, but it clearly matters to the OP — and, guess what? Not everyone is like you. (Luckily.)

OP was given a mug bought by her SIL. Her child’s father made no attempt to make an effort and people are telling her she’s ungrateful for his completely lack of yhd most minimal thought and effort. Posters are telling her she’s the problem.

Gaslighting.

Well I’m sure you’ve made the OP feel much better