Accused of shoplifting after mistake. Should I complain?

[MARG07]

Tonight I went to Lidl which I go occasionally to (I'm not a regular shopper there and prefer Tesco, but I was shopping near it and popped into get a few items) I was pushing my 2 year old son in a push chair. He was asleep, and I had the hood pulled all the way down on the stroller. I got yogurts and put them on the hood (I was only getting a few things and couldn't get a trolley or basket as I was pushing my son) then i got milk and realising it would fall off the hood as there was already stuff on it (as it wasn't folded up but pulled all the way down) because he was asleep, in a split second I put it in a carrier bag I had at the side of the pushchair on a clip. Stupid I know but I wasn't thinking.

I then got two birthday cards and some chocolate and placed them on the hood as they were small and would not fall off, and proceeded to the check out. I didn't sleep well and was exhausted also. I was in a queue and by the time my turn came I paid for everything and began to walk out, as I was putting the stuff in the bag I suddenly saw the milk and remembered it, but before I could do anything, an aggressive security man began to shout at me and proceeded to accuse me of stealing. He pulled out all the items i had, including stuff I'd purchased minutes before in another shop and kept shouting to give it all back. (One or two items they sold too) I had a receipt for the stuff from another shop, and kept telling him to look at it. He just kept ranting and rifling through all my stuff though really really aggressively. Everyone was staring and another customer came over with my receipt which i had not taken, and handed it to him, he looked at it and then started going on about the milk not being on it and I was lost for words. I felt so embarrassed at everyone looking and couldn't properly defend myself.

I said it was a mistake that i only put the milk in the carrier bag as it would have fallen off the stroller, and that I couldn't carry a basket and push my sleeping son at the same time. But he was so aggressive and didn't listen at all.. He then just grabbed the milk and walked off. I still wanted the milk (it was actually what I'd gone in for) and was about to pay but he just left. I was almost in tears and just walked out.

It was a genuine error and I feel it should have been handled better. I told my husband when I came home and said I want to go back and officially complain, but he said as I didn't pay its my fault and better to just drop it. AIBU to ask for a manager tomorrow & make a complaint? Or should I just leave it? I can't stop thinking that maybe someone I knew saw me there and thinks I'm a shop lifter. I feel sick..

My husband however said to just forget it and go back there to shop again if I want to, as I've nothing to hide, but not to complain over it. He thinks it's best to just act like it didn't happen.

Any advice?

But you were shoplifting.

I know it was a mistake and we’ve all
done something similar, but it’s difficult to see what you would complain about.

Shoplifting is rife at the moment - I imagine stores are just sick of it.

If you complain to the shop about being challenged for shoplifting when you were (albeit inadvertently) actually shoplifting, then I anticipate you'll get banned from the shop.

I would complain. I used to work on retail and the law says that an offence is commited when you take goods with the intention of permanently depriving the owner of them. In every shop I ever worked in, this was when you physically left the store as that point of crossing the shop threshold was when it was clear you weren't going to pay - so many times we'd have a shoplifter in and security weren't allowed to touch them until they passed through the doors as up until that moment they still had the opportunity to pay for the goods they were carrying.

The security guard was over-zealous and heavy handed, he also had no right to search your bags without your consent even if you had been shoplifting - legally he could detain you but if he wanted your bags searched and you refused then he'd have to call the police to do it.

I would imagine everyone says it was a mistake when they're caught shoplifting. There is no way for him to know whether it was a genuine mistake or not.

He sounds aggressive, And you could complain about that, but I think anyone taking the complaint is going to assume that you were shoplifting and probably not take it super seriously.

Why would you complain?

Personally, I'd feel mortified my silly mistake meant they'd had to waste time and energy checking my shop.

It's rotten you are so tired - and I remember that stage - but I think because you are so tired, you're forgetting it's not personal. They just have to follow up when someone walks out without paying.

It’s a standard shoplifters scheme to take the sleeping baby in with them and use the pram to take items.
You know it was a mistake but they don’t. Perhaps testing it with just milk (assuming normal milk and not baby milk) ready to come back and try something more expensive next time if you got away with it.

I agree with this. Were you still inside the shop? Rifling through your bags wasn’t ok at all.

Why are there so many people on this thread pretending to not understand what OP’s very valid point is? It’s not that she was challenged, it was the MANNER IN WHICH IT WAS DONE.

Again, it’s not the fact that she was challenged, it’s THE MANNER IN WHICH IT WAS DONE….! Ie: aggressively and ott from OP’s description. Thats not how they are trained to approach the issue regardless of how anyone on here thinks it should be done.

Just forget it. You're the one who made the mistake so why would you complain. I wish supermarket's had more power so there weren't so many people stealing, it is becoming more and more brazen, and the costs get passed back to the consumer. Us!

A store security guard can't search you or your bags without consent. Did you give consent?

If not I would complain - if you hadn't actually left the store then you'd committed no crime and a reasonable person would have understood your explanation.

It would be highly unlikely that an actual shoplifter would return to the store to straighten things out, but if you're nervous about going in, you could always call ahead, or go in with your partner.

Make sure they know that you were searched without consent and how it made you feel.

A similar thing happened to a friend of mine in Sainsburys a while back, I marched her in to speak to a manager the next day. They were lovely, gave her flowers and an £80 gift voucher!

I think I'd just let it go in this instance.

Thank you! That's exactly what I mean. It was the fact it was in front of everyone that pains me the most actually, and even how another customer got involved in handing a receipt in a sanctimonious way to him to 'check'. If he had have quietly approached me at the door and did it in a non aggressive way, and just taken the milk back, as he did anyway, I'd have apologised and forgotten it. But he literally did it in front of everyone and shouted aggressively at me, then began roughly searching all my belongings including stuff not even bought there, without my consent.
It happened so fast I just didn't know what to do at the time. But I'm honestly shocked at how it was handled. I get they are fed up of shop lifters but there is still a way to handle it.
I was in no way aggressive to him. In fact I was shocked into submission, so he had no reason to be so aggressive from the get go.

They abused their power here by the sounds of things, searching OP in public without consent when she wasn't stealing.

What additional powers would you like them to have and how would you ensure that they were using them correctly?

But even if the manner was heavy-handed, OP is in a weak position to complain given that she was inadvertently shoplifting 🤷‍♀️

Yes this, sure it was unintentional but they didn't know that

But you have decided what to do so do what you have decided we won't be able to change your mind

I can’t believe some of the responses here. I am in Australia so maybe it’s different but… I really think this is unfair. You’re a Mum and when I had a toddler I was exhausted. I am still exhausted and he’s 8 & navigating shops with a pram is so tricky.

I have actually not paid for petrol because in my rush and tiredness I just nodded and said I didn’t have petrol. The ladies in there didn’t call the cops but instead waited for me to come back as I was a regular and it was laughed off.

Ive also done the same thing at IKEA when I was purchasing heaps and distracted by my kid. The security guy was watching me like a hawk and noticed but he was understanding.

I am sure there’s other examples as I’m so forgetful by nature and suffer from tiredness, usually with a kid in tow.

I also think it would be strange to buy 8 groceries and risk shoplifting for 1 very cheap item.

Even if you were a Mum stealing milk so what. You have a toddler - of all the stealing offences, a Mother stealing milk for her 2 year old is one that would garner sympathy. If you were a character in an 1800’s film nobody would judge you. You would have to be desperate to steal milk.

I don’t think it’s deliberate, I think you were dealt with unreasonably. The people in the store will forget your face as it was such a short moment.

Also this has happened to a friend of mine when she left a store without a receipt and had to go back to the bin and get it and there was a huge scene. This stuff happens - don’t feel bad ! People walk out and forget stuff genuinely - especially tired Mums battling kids, bags, prams etc.

It was an honest mistake, and no crime was committed. An actual shoplifter is very unlikely to return and complain.

Anyone with a shred of common sense would see that if OP went back to complain. At the very least, the security guard should be retrained so that they don't make the same mistake again.

Something came in recently didnt it (?) whereby shop staff are allowed to look through bags from other shops to ensure you haven't snuck any goods in. I'm sure the rule or legislation is far clearer than that!

I'm completely on your side OP, you've been handled badly and humiliated by someone who was probably desperate to be the big I Am.
I'd only let it go because pursuing would probably cause me more stress.

I had an incident once where I bought £42 of shopping. Used a £15 food voucher that children entitled to FSM get.
I'd bought some alcohol totalling £9...Everything else was fresh fruit, veg, meat, chicken or fish.

The woman on the till gets my receipt, looks at it and tells me I can't have the alcohol - even though I'd paid £27 in cash. I was just completely bemused, went to take the receipt. She wouldn't let me have it and then showed it to the person behind me in the queue telling me that I was using food vouchers for alcohol!

So I understand the humiliation. I complained in store and via telephoning customer services... Both agreed she clearly was in the wrong. I got a £10 voucher and was told especially to treat myself to a drink with it! They took staff name, till number etc and promised that she'd receive extra training (I doubt she did).

So if you are going to pursue a complaint, think about the solution you are looking for, and also consider whether it is worth it stress wise. Maybe you just want an apology and not to feel like a villain should you go in store again and I wouldn't blame you. I just don't think they'll compensate you in any way.

Sorry OP you won't get much sympathy here, mner's are psychotically aggressive about shoplifting in any shape or form.

I'm not one to complain usually but I'd definitely be asking to see their policy about bag searches as rifling through your things is not on. They should review the security footage as well.

Not a nice experience for you and of course it could have been better handled. Your mistake was putting the item inside an actual bag, rather than holding it (not too difficult to do with the buggy) or even putting it in the buggy basket.

Because the whole thing is meant to deter her from attempting it again.

It worked for Richard Madeley.

The security guard was clearly on a power trip and should have at least begun politely. However, when I worked in retail before tags and CCTV were invented, we were told that folded buggy hoods and carrier bags from other shops were all textbook shoplifting tactics. Tired or not, you were concealing your goods.

An allied tale. (How you'd like to be treated!)

n.b. Unlike some countries, in Australia, we stop at the bowsers and put petrol/diesel in our cars ... and then we go inside and pay the cashier. The crime of "drive-off"s is regarded as theft and a low act. At most service-stations, prosecution is all but INSTANT and without favour/consideration. Key word: most ... not ALL, thank goodness.

Back in the day, about 2010, when a $AUD45 was a 'big fill' my ex-wife filled her car on a busy morning. As she went in to join the queue to pay, her mobile phone rang and she stepped to near the fridges to answer a colleague's detailed enquiry.

She then returned to the car to read information from her work folder to her colleague.

She was sitting behind the steering-wheel as her call ended and, as proximity would rule, she drove off.

Luckily, the cashier on duty, reviewed the tapes, though he sort of knew my ex-wife and asked the police notification line for a contact number. She was phoned at work, advised what had happened and offered the chance to return by close-of-business and settle the unpaid $AUD45.

Someone, in a right mind, assumed that he'd rather not lose a potential longer term customer by automatically going to prosecution. Nice thought on his part ... for the next 10-11 years, she bought her fuel there even when that service-station's prices were not the cheapest or best value in town.

Maybe, the OP needs someone who assumes less and has the good sense to act judiciously first.