Accused of shoplifting after mistake. Should I complain?

[MARG07]

Tonight I went to Lidl which I go occasionally to (I'm not a regular shopper there and prefer Tesco, but I was shopping near it and popped into get a few items) I was pushing my 2 year old son in a push chair. He was asleep, and I had the hood pulled all the way down on the stroller. I got yogurts and put them on the hood (I was only getting a few things and couldn't get a trolley or basket as I was pushing my son) then i got milk and realising it would fall off the hood as there was already stuff on it (as it wasn't folded up but pulled all the way down) because he was asleep, in a split second I put it in a carrier bag I had at the side of the pushchair on a clip. Stupid I know but I wasn't thinking.

I then got two birthday cards and some chocolate and placed them on the hood as they were small and would not fall off, and proceeded to the check out. I didn't sleep well and was exhausted also. I was in a queue and by the time my turn came I paid for everything and began to walk out, as I was putting the stuff in the bag I suddenly saw the milk and remembered it, but before I could do anything, an aggressive security man began to shout at me and proceeded to accuse me of stealing. He pulled out all the items i had, including stuff I'd purchased minutes before in another shop and kept shouting to give it all back. (One or two items they sold too) I had a receipt for the stuff from another shop, and kept telling him to look at it. He just kept ranting and rifling through all my stuff though really really aggressively. Everyone was staring and another customer came over with my receipt which i had not taken, and handed it to him, he looked at it and then started going on about the milk not being on it and I was lost for words. I felt so embarrassed at everyone looking and couldn't properly defend myself.

I said it was a mistake that i only put the milk in the carrier bag as it would have fallen off the stroller, and that I couldn't carry a basket and push my sleeping son at the same time. But he was so aggressive and didn't listen at all.. He then just grabbed the milk and walked off. I still wanted the milk (it was actually what I'd gone in for) and was about to pay but he just left. I was almost in tears and just walked out.

It was a genuine error and I feel it should have been handled better. I told my husband when I came home and said I want to go back and officially complain, but he said as I didn't pay its my fault and better to just drop it. AIBU to ask for a manager tomorrow & make a complaint? Or should I just leave it? I can't stop thinking that maybe someone I knew saw me there and thinks I'm a shop lifter. I feel sick..

My husband however said to just forget it and go back there to shop again if I want to, as I've nothing to hide, but not to complain over it. He thinks it's best to just act like it didn't happen.

Any advice?

I don’t think OP should complain, but it’s hardly the black hat matter that these hyperbolic answers infer. He could have just walked her back to pay, and then dialled it up if that failed.

I think shops pretty much invited shoplifting the minute they removed manned checkout. Now they’re having to experience chancers breezing past a hapless security guard who isn’t going to take on someone nicking a joint of beef for his minimum wage.

No not Cardiff. London. Not in a particular rough area where shop lifting would be a huge problem either. In fact it's fairly affluent so I'm just shocked at how aggressively he approached it from the get go 🙄 I do wonder if it was a big strapping male would he have been the same. I do think they go all out on soft targets tbh.

I'd passed the tills and was near the door still placing the items I'd bought in the carrier bags at the side of the push chair (I had a few bags on clips with pre existing shopping from another store) At the same time as he stopped me I was just placing stuff in the particular bag with the milk and literally only spotted it. It took a second to register it wasn't milk from the other store and i hadnt paid, so I was just standing there processing when he suddenly appeared shouting at me and started aggressively going through everything. I'm not criticising him stopping me. It's the manner he did it in.

If she had been a real shoplifter, that would hardly be a deterrent, would it?

Does every other business have to? Surely they have to factor it in as a running cost or something, so it must count when calculating what prices to charge, wages to pay etc.

People do shoplift everywhere, surprisingly!

Do you feel okay about it all now?

It's always horrible when a misunderstanding occurs and someone uses it as an excuse to vent their spleen/throw a tantrum.

You fucked up, albeit without meaning to but you did, he was doing his job but was a bit aggressive. I’d shop elsewhere for a while and let it die down.

She had two payment receipts, for all items but one, which the guard refused to acknowledge at first. He accused her of having stolen everything, apparently on no basis other than her having items in a stroller. Guard only focused on the milk once he'd been prevailed on to acknowledge the receipts for everything else.

Logistically there was no need to put the milk in a bag attached to the pushchair.

I think shops pretty much invited shoplifting the minute they removed manned checkout.

That comment takes mental gymnastics that Olga Korbett couldn't do.

He was overly aggressive by the sounds of it.
He didn't have the right to search.
My best guess is he knows the police weren't going to show up for a mother 'stealing ' milk.
So he tried making an exhibition of you and a hero of himself.

Where I live local shops are employing security guards at peak times because of gangs of shoplifters.
The police here will not come out for anything less than £100 worth of goods stolen 😕
I've personally seen these people (mainly young teens) enter in groups and they think they're being surreptitious but they are not the artful dodger and the weirdo they hang out with isn't Fagin.

The Security Guard should have handled the situation much better. I own a small shop, so we don't have security. If I see someone take something I would politely comment 'I think you've forgotten to pay for xx that you just put in your pocket/bag'. 9 times out of 10 they'll apologise and offer to pay if it's a genuine oversight, or they'll give the item back and run off. I can only think of one occasion in 12 years where I've needed to physically grab someone's bag off them and take the item back.

He suspected she was going to leave with unpaid items. He investigated, he was right.

I don't think its that they don't understand.

But she was shoplifting, and if she complains she's not exactly complaining with "clean hands" it would increase the odds of more people knowing.

OP I think in these situations you have to decide what you're hoping to achieve. You can complain that you were aggressively spoken to and searched. However, the shop isn't going to say sorry we should have had him be nicer when you only accidently shoplifted. I think this kind of complaint would only achieve anything if you'd been innocent. Because let's face it no one caught shoplifting would say anything other than sorry it was a mistake.

They'll likely stand by the security officer, and ban OP from the shop compounding the embarrassment.

Yes, they could have asked to search the bags or called the police to do the search but I suspect that would have made OP feel worse.

You shoplifted even if accidentally. You should be mortified and others should see you being publicly shamed as a deterrent to also ‘accidentally’ shoplift.

Ive also accidentally shoplifted with stuff in the pram and no room for a trolley. It’s easy to do in this circumstance but when I’ve realised and returned it with profuse apologies the shops have been lovely. I think because you didn’t realise the security guy has assumed you’re making up lies as an excuse and I imagine every real shoplifter tries similar.

YABU…you actually were…
Complain if you wish, is your word against yours. They got you on camera most likely, and sadly, it will show clear images, even though you did it inadvertently

I’ve done similar when I have no hands free - items in bottom of buggy or whatever.

However, I am aware of how it looks and feel uncomfortable doing it (only do it if no other option) so I always make doubly sure that they are the first items that I place on the checkout when I get there.

I know you say you were tired and that’s why you forget, but as it’s upset you I’d imagine you won’t make the mistake again.

I often put my shopping in a bag and empty it at the checkout, I have seen lots of other people do it too. You haven't committed any crime until you leave the store without paying for it.

But she hadn't. Shoplifting involves an intention to deprive the store of goods, which she didn't have. Whilst that would be hard to prove, legally until you leave the store, you can't be accused of shoplifting. She hadn't left the store, hence she wasn't shoplifting. Also, a store security guard has no right to search you or your bags without your consent. They're not the police, they have no more powers than any other member of the public. Strictly speaking, it's assault, and an assault carried out on behalf of, and by an agent/employee of, Lidl. That is illegal.

Everybody who gets caught nicking claims it was a mistake, op.
How were you any different in the eyes of the guy who stopped you?

What exactly would you be complaining for, like it or not you took something without paying so just take it on the chin! Next time you'll think of this and make sure you'll pay for everything.

Because people are super harsh 😂

To be honest I am surprised at the judgment and lack of understanding shown here.

This is a parenting SUPPORT website, right?!

You can't shoplift by accident - you have to have mens rea. She didn't shoplift.

Edit: this isn't the post that I tried to quote from. It was one above that said that she was shoplifting.