Accused of shoplifting after mistake. Should I complain?

[MARG07]

Tonight I went to Lidl which I go occasionally to (I'm not a regular shopper there and prefer Tesco, but I was shopping near it and popped into get a few items) I was pushing my 2 year old son in a push chair. He was asleep, and I had the hood pulled all the way down on the stroller. I got yogurts and put them on the hood (I was only getting a few things and couldn't get a trolley or basket as I was pushing my son) then i got milk and realising it would fall off the hood as there was already stuff on it (as it wasn't folded up but pulled all the way down) because he was asleep, in a split second I put it in a carrier bag I had at the side of the pushchair on a clip. Stupid I know but I wasn't thinking.

I then got two birthday cards and some chocolate and placed them on the hood as they were small and would not fall off, and proceeded to the check out. I didn't sleep well and was exhausted also. I was in a queue and by the time my turn came I paid for everything and began to walk out, as I was putting the stuff in the bag I suddenly saw the milk and remembered it, but before I could do anything, an aggressive security man began to shout at me and proceeded to accuse me of stealing. He pulled out all the items i had, including stuff I'd purchased minutes before in another shop and kept shouting to give it all back. (One or two items they sold too) I had a receipt for the stuff from another shop, and kept telling him to look at it. He just kept ranting and rifling through all my stuff though really really aggressively. Everyone was staring and another customer came over with my receipt which i had not taken, and handed it to him, he looked at it and then started going on about the milk not being on it and I was lost for words. I felt so embarrassed at everyone looking and couldn't properly defend myself.

I said it was a mistake that i only put the milk in the carrier bag as it would have fallen off the stroller, and that I couldn't carry a basket and push my sleeping son at the same time. But he was so aggressive and didn't listen at all.. He then just grabbed the milk and walked off. I still wanted the milk (it was actually what I'd gone in for) and was about to pay but he just left. I was almost in tears and just walked out.

It was a genuine error and I feel it should have been handled better. I told my husband when I came home and said I want to go back and officially complain, but he said as I didn't pay its my fault and better to just drop it. AIBU to ask for a manager tomorrow & make a complaint? Or should I just leave it? I can't stop thinking that maybe someone I knew saw me there and thinks I'm a shop lifter. I feel sick..

My husband however said to just forget it and go back there to shop again if I want to, as I've nothing to hide, but not to complain over it. He thinks it's best to just act like it didn't happen.

Any advice?

Why should the security guard quietly approach you as a shoplifter? He clearly saw you take the milk, saw you pay for some of your shopping and then try to leave. Shops have thefts all day, you was another trying to steal.

You know you wasn't and you made an error that made you look like a thief. Take it as a lesson learnt not to sho when you are so tired and not to put things on bags.

Complain if you want but I think you should accept your error and move on in life.

The OP wasn’t shoplifting. Inadvertently or not.

Shoplifting comes under the Theft Act 1968.
“A person is guilty of theft if he dishonestly appropriates property belonging to another with the intention of permanently depriving the other of it”

The word intention is right there. You can’t inadvertently intend to do something!

The security guard was in the wrong and even if he suspected the OP was shoplifting he is not a judge or magistrate, or even the police, it’s not his call to make and there was no need to be aggressive.

Yeah he might be sick of people stealing but that doesn’t mean he gets to shout at the OP. In my line of work, I get sick of people turning up late for appointments but I don’t shout at them in front of a waiting room full of people!

I had this in Asda the other day.

I used the scan and go regularly and a new manager seemed obsessed with watching me closely as if she assumed I was stealing. I thought I was being paranoid but DP noticed and a friend when we shopped together.

I had several “quality checks” with no issues and she seemed disappointed when I passed them, I have no idea what her issue was with me but tried to just ignore it.

I swim most evenings then finish at the same time DP finishes work then we go to Asda as there is usually lots of reduced food, it saves us money to shop like this.

About 2 weeks ago I had a check when using the scanner and a couple of the reduced items hadn’t scanned, we had needed quite a bit of shopping on top of the usual reduced items but when she did the check an item didn’t show as scanned.

It was like it was the moment the manager had been waiting for, she did a rescan at the checkout in front of the other shoppers and I had a second item (same product as the other) that also hadn’t scanned, out of a £78 shop there were two £1.50 items that hadn’t scanned.

I wouldn’t have been angry about being checked and I was obviously in the wrong for not checking they had scanned properly but I was treated like a proper criminal, what really wound me up was the manager was lying saying I had been a problem in the past and failed previous checks, when I said I hadn’t and asked her to elaborate she just shook her head and ignored me.
In front of other shoppers she quizzed me about why I use the scanner, I said I only do for a bigger shop because it adds it up so I know what I’m spending, she said loudly “you ALWAYS use it”.
I actually don’t!
Another member of staff came over and the manager pointed at me and said “SHE is NEVER to use the scanner” then gestured to the self checkout and said to me “you are NEVER to use these again” despite the fact when we go at 10.30pm the normal checkout isn’t open.

I was so upset and embarrassed, I considered complaining to the store but it’s hard when technically I was in the wrong really. I feel the same as you OP it’s how it was handled. I feel like they can’t challenge more aggressive people who are deliberately shoplifting so take it out on the people who made a genuine mistake and won’t argue back, the items that didn’t scan with the self scan didn’t scan on the checkout either.

I have no idea why I was targeted to start with, it was either a mistaken identity, a personal grudge against me (small town) or maybe because I was reprimanded by another member of staff for not paying for a carrier bag a few months before. The way they guard the carrier bags like they are made from the Crown Jewels I’m guessing that’s the most likely scenario and it was because the previous bag I paid for split at the door.

There were no staff on this occasion guarding the bags so I grabbed another but a staff member saw me just taking the bag and came racing over and gave me a stern talking to.

I wasn’t going to go back but in the end I thought that would just make it look like I’d done it on purpose, other staff tried to scan my shopping for me the first time but DP told them to go and catch some proper shoplifters and they have backed off, I’ve not seen the same manager since though.

I know how angry and upset you must feel OP, I wish I’d stood up for myself more - especially when the items didn’t scan on the checkout so it’s obvious I was genuine. These supermarkets will alienate shoppers whilst people intentionally shoplifting are ignored as they walk out with expensive items because they won’t react well if challenged. I think it’s fairly obvious that we aren’t career criminals over a carton of milk and two packets of cheese strings!

This is interesting, I just posted about a similar incident I had and I didn’t complain, I actually might and quote this now, thank you.

This exact thing happened to me. However, the police were called and I was banned from every store. I was absolutely devastated.

The item was fragile so I put on top of my pram instead in the basket so it didn’t get damaged then forgot to hand it over to the cashier. Instead of reminding me, the cashier let me leave the store, then alerted security came at me like 10 men in the street. I was absolutely terrified of this huge man running after me in the street as I’d absolutely no idea what I’d done at that point. The police reviewed CCTV with the store manager and agreed I didn’t ‘conceal’ the item so I wasn’t prosecuted.

It was an awful experience. I was inconsolable. My baby was a couple of months old, a prosecution would likely of led to me losing my job. The item was £1.99. It took me ages to get over it.

I’ve never met a shop security person who hasn’t been on a complete power trip. I’m sure that these shops hire the rudest, most aggressive people they can find. I imagine they probably abuse their wives as well.

Even if the OP had walked out of the store without having paid for the milk and it had been shoplifting, let’s be honest, the security guard’s attitude won’t be because he’s sick of people shoplifting, it’s because he saw op as a soft target. Woman with a young baby, and then pounced.

I wouldn’t complain because it’s pointless. But tbh I think that something needs to be done about these shop security staff, because they’re all as horrible as each other.

OP I’m very sorry this happened to you. The security guard acted out of order in the manner he conducted the search.
i know how easy it is to have made a mistake like that because it happened to me.

a long time ago when my Dsis children were young we were all in town and we noticed a new shop had opened.

we went in for a look around but didn’t get a basket because we never intended to buy anything.

it was one of those little shops that sold everything under the sun from cleaning products, cosmetics, tools, stationery… well you get the idea I’m sure.

of course when you look around these shops you suddenly discover lots of things you need.
I picked up two rather long pencil cases and tucked them under my arm while we continued shopping.

we soon had quite a few things so my DSIS went to get a basket.

we paid at the checkout and made our way out. Just as we reached the door I realised I still had the pencil cases under my arm.
“I haven’t paid for these I gasped” and just as I turned around to go back and pay the lady on the checkout was behind me.

she heard what I said and realised what I’d done and could tell by my face I genuinely forgot to pay RSA’s I was on my way back in.

I nearly died of embarrassment but she said it happens more than you think.

I had a very different experience than you and can imagine how you felt being shouted at and abused by that security guard.

some might say that he was just doing his job but there’s a way to handle it and that certainly wasn’t it.

I would go back and explain to the shop management and demand an apology from the horrible little man throwing his weight around as I’m sure if you really were shoplifting you’d have tried it with something a lot more expensive to make it worth your while.
I hope you’re getting over your awful experience with this jumped up little jobsworth. 💐

He dealt with it poorly. Approaching anyone like that, accidental or deliberate shop lifter, indicates a poor understanding of risk management.

Women with pushchairs are absolutely notorious for shoplifting in retail however, so security guards and shop staff alike do watch them.

Security guards are 9/10 times not employees of the company itself but agency staff so the shop itself has nothing to do with bringing a specific individual in but they can refuse to have them on site if (legitimate) complaints are made.

Out of interest @MARG07, did this happen in Cardiff? I only ask because I see a lot on local social media about a security guard Cardiff Lidl’s use approaching women and accusing them of shoplifting.

You can't attempt to make a mistake. Either there is intent, or a mistake. Not both.

The security guard was insisting that she return goods she had purchased elsewhere for which she had a receipt as well, without bothering to look at it. He was clearly on a power trip.

OP, I would go back and complain. "Just doing my job" doesn't cut it in every situation. There's a way to do it, even if he's tired of seeing shoplifters all day.

Which would be fine if every single shoplifter didn’t claim that it was a mistake.

We aren't talking about every single shoplifter. It's OP's case we are discussing based on taking what she has written at face value.

TL:DR. OP shoplifted milk by mistake and was caught.

You are allowed to make a mistake.

I would have asked to speak to the manager there and then, but I probably would not go back to complain now. I would not shop there any more either, they should train and manage their staff properly!

can you write and complain, email the company - far easier than doing it in person

Yes but I’m talking from the shop & security guards POV.

I guess the security guard was just treating you like a shoplifter, because to him, you were.
He wasn’t to know it was a mistake. Should genuine shoplifters be treated covertly so nobody knows what’s going on? Personally I feel they should be made a spectacle of. Theft is awful, after all.
I know you didn’t do anything wrong on purpose, but I bet 99% of actual shoplifters try to wriggle out of it by using the excuses you did (not saying yours was an excuse, but you see what I mean) so how was the security meant to know any different.

I’ve been in that position. I chucked a bag of potatoes under the buggy as I had a wheely basket. And they would take up too much space in the basket. I realised after at the packing shelf and everyone was nice and I paid for the spuds. I don’t think it’s necessary to be rude and tbh I don’t think milk is what supermarkets worry about being stolen.

It’s the booze and the high value stuff. That said it’s really awkward to complain as you were in the wrong. I suspect if he treats customers like this management will end up moving him on.

I feel I must add that I accidentally once stole a pint of milk, literally in plain sight. I tucked it under my armpit because I didn’t have a basket and my hands were full and then I went to the checkout (pre self checkout days). I paid for the other items but forgot about the milk under my armpit and the assistant didn’t notice either.
It was only when I was getting into the car that I realised and I felt my blood run cold. So easily done, I do understand.

Your understanding of the law is wrong. The security guards in your old job also didn't understand the law.

at This pint you’d committed no crime….he can’t touch you or your bags. Did you give consent?

nah. The company is in the wrong here

They need to prove you had intent to deprive them of the goods.

I would complain as the security guards reaction and the way he treated you was beyond reasonable. Not fair to make a tired mum feel that way! I hope you're ok OP!

But you DID shoplift. You can’t complain!! You stole the milk and got caught. Yes it was an accident but when I opened the thread I thought the ending would be that you were accused and HADNT stolen anything.

you can’t kick up a fuss when you DID steal something. Just thank your lucky stars they didn’t prosecute.

Years ago this happened to me an angry security guard chased me out the shop. Stupidly maybe I took something out my bag to compare to the product they sell then put my item back in my bag. I didn’t actually buy anything or steal. I was so cross as if they looked at the cameras properly they could see what happened. The security guard was ott and the manager was apologetic. So I know how you feel op. Mistakes happen but in future I would learn to steer the buggy with one hand and use a basket. I manage to do this but maybe depends on the pushchair/pram.