Accused of shoplifting after mistake. Should I complain?

[MARG07]

Tonight I went to Lidl which I go occasionally to (I'm not a regular shopper there and prefer Tesco, but I was shopping near it and popped into get a few items) I was pushing my 2 year old son in a push chair. He was asleep, and I had the hood pulled all the way down on the stroller. I got yogurts and put them on the hood (I was only getting a few things and couldn't get a trolley or basket as I was pushing my son) then i got milk and realising it would fall off the hood as there was already stuff on it (as it wasn't folded up but pulled all the way down) because he was asleep, in a split second I put it in a carrier bag I had at the side of the pushchair on a clip. Stupid I know but I wasn't thinking.

I then got two birthday cards and some chocolate and placed them on the hood as they were small and would not fall off, and proceeded to the check out. I didn't sleep well and was exhausted also. I was in a queue and by the time my turn came I paid for everything and began to walk out, as I was putting the stuff in the bag I suddenly saw the milk and remembered it, but before I could do anything, an aggressive security man began to shout at me and proceeded to accuse me of stealing. He pulled out all the items i had, including stuff I'd purchased minutes before in another shop and kept shouting to give it all back. (One or two items they sold too) I had a receipt for the stuff from another shop, and kept telling him to look at it. He just kept ranting and rifling through all my stuff though really really aggressively. Everyone was staring and another customer came over with my receipt which i had not taken, and handed it to him, he looked at it and then started going on about the milk not being on it and I was lost for words. I felt so embarrassed at everyone looking and couldn't properly defend myself.

I said it was a mistake that i only put the milk in the carrier bag as it would have fallen off the stroller, and that I couldn't carry a basket and push my sleeping son at the same time. But he was so aggressive and didn't listen at all.. He then just grabbed the milk and walked off. I still wanted the milk (it was actually what I'd gone in for) and was about to pay but he just left. I was almost in tears and just walked out.

It was a genuine error and I feel it should have been handled better. I told my husband when I came home and said I want to go back and officially complain, but he said as I didn't pay its my fault and better to just drop it. AIBU to ask for a manager tomorrow & make a complaint? Or should I just leave it? I can't stop thinking that maybe someone I knew saw me there and thinks I'm a shop lifter. I feel sick..

My husband however said to just forget it and go back there to shop again if I want to, as I've nothing to hide, but not to complain over it. He thinks it's best to just act like it didn't happen.

Any advice?

I would just report it to the SIA, they can pull the guys licence and that's it sorted.

You need to call an ambulance, that could be very damaging to your retinas. Or get someone else to, because you can't see the numbers

The guard's conduct was totally unacceptable. Complain. He probably broke the code of conduct for his security licence. Ask Aldi if he has one and if so report him to the SIA unless Aldi profusely apologise and reassure you he will get extra training.

It was a pint of milk. Surely if you were a genuine thief, you wouldn't risk prosecution for a pint of milk? He knew it was a mistake I imagine and decided to bully a vulnerable woman with a baby.

You may be right.

But there are also a number of posters, like this one, who want more than sympathy. They come across as entitled.

Let's look at the facts here as opposed to the emotion.

OP made a mistake. She's tired and dispiriting and got humiliated in public because of HER mistake. She wants an apology which is a bit princess.

The store sees numerous cases like this every day. Everyone caught claims they've made a mistake. Not everyone is telling the truth. Some even go and steal milk as a first attempt and to see if they get away with it.

The security guards may be taught to humiliate shoplifters. For serial shoplifters it's justified, for first timers it's humiliating and shaming and might persuade them not to do it again.

The proximate cause of the incident was her actions, whether accidental or not. All else arises from that.

How would you respond to a post where a tired mum drove, knocked down a kid, and got screamed at by that kids mother and arrested by the police?
This is different only in degree inasmuch as no-one, not even the OP, got hurt

@YourAzureEagle

you wrote,
’Whilst technically not a profession under the old definition of such’

imagine then that I was referring to what you called ‘the old definition of such’

Every job, however lowly and unskilled, has an umbrella organisation overseeing it.

She was in Lid!

Tonight I went to Lidl which I go occasionally to (I'm not a regular shopper there and prefer Tesco, but I was shopping near it and popped into get a few items)

Only on Mumsnet would someone with a dramatic account of a false shoplifting allegation take time to clarify first that, of course, they don't regularly shop in Lidl!

oops!

@YourAzureEagle

You are advocating to get someone sacked for doing his job? Someone who works long hours on the minimum wage. Nice.

Its little wonder no one wants to work these days.

You shoplifted and you want to complain? You were in the wrong it's not the shops fault.

Excuses, excuses, excuses!

You were shoplifting.

In my opinion you were wrong. Your lucky they didn't take it further

Indeed, but the word "professional" is commonly used in terms of conduct or standards regardless of whether the job itself is considered a profession.

From OED, one of several definitions that can be applied:

Professional

a person competent or skilled in a particular activity.
"she was a real professional on stage"

So, if we apply that, we are to assume the guard is "competent and skilled" as he will have to have undergone an SIA course and been accredited, but he fell short of his trade associations standards and was therefore unprofessional in his conduct.

If they conduct illegal searches and breach the terms of their licence, yes!!

Do you know how many woman use children and buggies to shoplift? The op is being entitled!

Unless it comes with an unreserved apology for your oversight, forget a complaint about the security guard’s attitude. You may have only overlooked milk but they will see similar theft and excuses all day every day.

@YourAzureEagle

Whatevs.

I think most reasonable people will agree that being a security guard ain’t a profession, regardless of what your dictionary says.

The way you want them to handle shop lifting is to make it subtle and with no public awareness of it.

That doesn’t work as a deterrent.

This is one you need to suck up. If you make a mistake that’s going to lead to shop lifting then you accept that’s humiliating.

(at least they did it before you left, otherwise you’d have actually committed the crime).

Absolutely agree @YourAzureEagle if he’s incapable of doing the job properly he shouldn’t be doing it.

No one would employ someone who can’t do the job

She hadn’t left the shop! How could she have shoplifted if she still was in the shop? There is no process of ‘shoplifting’ whilst in the store. You either have committed shoplifting or you haven’t and that requires you to have fulfilled all the legal criteria of the offence which includes having stepped outside the store. Even then there is the intent to do the offence to prove.

She had already paid for all the other stuff and was leaving.

I can understand your distress but you can't complain because even though it was a mistake you did almost walk out without paying for the milk. He could have handled it better but he was doing the job he was paid for. He could have called the police on you and many shops do this for every incidence.
I would avoid going on the shop again though

The aldi security guy may have been slightly confused!

So are a lot of jobs but that doesn’t give you a free pass to be aggressive and humiliate someone. He will have undergone training like everyone else, he won’t have wandered in off the street, and I doubt part of the training was what was described in the OP.

Any job you are doing and being paid for requires a level of professionalism that I don’t think was displayed on this occasion. That’s why I said OP should feed back, not necessarily complain, that the way this was handled was upsetting and unprofessional.

To nick a £1.50 pint of milk, whilst spending another tenner on non essentials? Don't they have the sense to nick stuff worth nicking?

I went to Tesco yesterday. Very discreetly, in the corner of the door, were two policemen with a chap in the corner. He was cuffed. No shouting, no drama, no spectacle.

The guard was out of order imo. There was no need to shout.