Accused of shoplifting after mistake. Should I complain?

[MARG07]

Tonight I went to Lidl which I go occasionally to (I'm not a regular shopper there and prefer Tesco, but I was shopping near it and popped into get a few items) I was pushing my 2 year old son in a push chair. He was asleep, and I had the hood pulled all the way down on the stroller. I got yogurts and put them on the hood (I was only getting a few things and couldn't get a trolley or basket as I was pushing my son) then i got milk and realising it would fall off the hood as there was already stuff on it (as it wasn't folded up but pulled all the way down) because he was asleep, in a split second I put it in a carrier bag I had at the side of the pushchair on a clip. Stupid I know but I wasn't thinking.

I then got two birthday cards and some chocolate and placed them on the hood as they were small and would not fall off, and proceeded to the check out. I didn't sleep well and was exhausted also. I was in a queue and by the time my turn came I paid for everything and began to walk out, as I was putting the stuff in the bag I suddenly saw the milk and remembered it, but before I could do anything, an aggressive security man began to shout at me and proceeded to accuse me of stealing. He pulled out all the items i had, including stuff I'd purchased minutes before in another shop and kept shouting to give it all back. (One or two items they sold too) I had a receipt for the stuff from another shop, and kept telling him to look at it. He just kept ranting and rifling through all my stuff though really really aggressively. Everyone was staring and another customer came over with my receipt which i had not taken, and handed it to him, he looked at it and then started going on about the milk not being on it and I was lost for words. I felt so embarrassed at everyone looking and couldn't properly defend myself.

I said it was a mistake that i only put the milk in the carrier bag as it would have fallen off the stroller, and that I couldn't carry a basket and push my sleeping son at the same time. But he was so aggressive and didn't listen at all.. He then just grabbed the milk and walked off. I still wanted the milk (it was actually what I'd gone in for) and was about to pay but he just left. I was almost in tears and just walked out.

It was a genuine error and I feel it should have been handled better. I told my husband when I came home and said I want to go back and officially complain, but he said as I didn't pay its my fault and better to just drop it. AIBU to ask for a manager tomorrow & make a complaint? Or should I just leave it? I can't stop thinking that maybe someone I knew saw me there and thinks I'm a shop lifter. I feel sick..

My husband however said to just forget it and go back there to shop again if I want to, as I've nothing to hide, but not to complain over it. He thinks it's best to just act like it didn't happen.

Any advice?

They have - Lidl and Aldi have small baskets on wheels that can be pulled along one handed whilst the other hand pushed the trolley. Alternatively, I’ve seen baskets on the trolley hood, or even on the actual child!

Definitely complain about the aggressiveness of the situation, although acknowledge that you were in the wrong, even though it was accidental.

I'd put it down to experience OP. I absolutely believe you didn't do it on purpose, but from the stores perspective I get the security guard will hear this line from practically every person every time they are caught.
Give it a few weeks and you will be sharing it as a funny story.

I’d probably frame it as “feedback” rather than a complaint. It sounds like the security guard could have handled it differently. But you effectively were shoplifting so it’s not really reasonable to complain about having been called out on that.

I had a vision of a trolley that the mum wheels the pram on to, then the whole thing can be pushed, with space somewhere for the shopping.

What would a disabled mum be doing? How do they manage the situation? Often that's where the innovation lies.

Let it go.
You know it was a mistake. You know it was just tiredness.
The security guy didn't know, and deals with actual shoplifters all the time, and from his pov there wasn't much difference. He didn't make a mistake, you did. But it's ok. There's no long term consequences and you'll be more careful in future. Let it be water under the bridge.

My eyes are rolling back so hard at this I can barely see

Does that make it all right? You think someone who only steals low-value items should just be allowed to get on with it? How odd.

It’s not that OP was desperate because she couldn’t afford milk for her baby - she had other items she was willing to pay for, including chocolate. (But in this instance I accept OP was not intentionally stealing.)

A good security guard, even when dealing with prolific shoplifters, should not be doing it in an aggressive and humiliating way. He was right to pull you up on it but it in no way means it is ok to be as aggressive as you describe.

As another poster says, I would absolutely feed this back both to the store and their head office. Accept you made a mistake and it was right you were pulled up on that, but the demeanour of the security guard is not acceptable or professional.

The security guard doesn’t know anything about you other than you put items in your bag without paying. He will see this every day. Yes he perhaps was too shouty but all you can do is chalk it up to experience and don’t go there again. Years ago a friend of mine working as a security guard stopped someone and asked to see a receipt. No argument or anything but because this person was a vicars wife she was ‘humiliated’ etc , made a ranty complaint and ultimately my mate was sacked from a minimum wage job!

Hi OP,

I'll share my story to hopefully make you feel a little better. I have done similar - and to make it worse, my DH worked at the store!

I think the security guard handled it badly, but as others have said, stores are targeted every day for theft and many people become aggressive when confronted.

I was with my two children buying a handful of items and they were doing their typical of asking me millions of questions, walking off to look at the slot machines at the end of the tills (heading in different directions). I was distracted and somehow my payment on the self service till didn't go through.

I didn't realise and walked out. I was intercepted by security guards at the door and a member of staff and was absolutely mortified. They just asked me to follow them back to the till and I paid. It was humiliating, mortifying, embarrassing. But, they were kind - and not because my husband worked there. It is a big store so they wouldn't have realised.

I say forget about it and move on. I doubt the security guard is giving you a second thoughts. You are one of many people he would have intercepted that day.

I’d let it go and write it off as a bad experience, @op even though it does sound as though the security guard went OTT. As you were (unintentionally) shoplifting, I doubt they would be interested in addressing the manner of their security staff.

Off topic, but I’m curious… why do you call the pushchair a ‘stroller’?

Sorry this happened to you. Just an accident. He should have been respectful and listened to you.
In Australia, or where I am, Security Guards can do nothing for an actual shop lifter.
Just stand there and watch them walk out. Yes, even full shopping trolleys.

I suppose with places like that they see it all the time and don’t differentiate between someone who was a genuine shop lifter and someone who just forgot. It’s rife though now. I saw an obvious drug addict filling a rucksack up with jars of coffee in farm foods being held down by security recently. I suppose there’s nowhere else to challenge what they thought was theft in a store other than in front of other people in store. Detaining people is a very grey area and they don’t tend to take you off to a side room discreetly these days because the police aren’t going to come anyway. Hugely embarrassing but I’d just put it down as a mistake and forget it. We can argue the toss that it’s about intent but it doesn’t take the embarrassment away or change what happened whatever you do. They will probably side with the security guard anyway and say he was doing his job. They have shoplifters all the time saying but I forgot, but I have a receipt, but but but… hence why he wouldn’t listen.

The law is really clear on this in all respects.

1/. An act of theft is one with the INTENT to permanently deprive a party of their property. Until you proceed to leave a shop you still have the scope to pay and therefore proof of intent is impossible, security guards generally won't tackle an offender until they are approaching the exit for this reason.

2/. Security guards have no more, or less powers than any other member of the public, they can search you and your bags ONLY with your consent. They can detain you under the powers of citizens arrest, however they must have reasonable grounds and must call the police immediately. They can only use reasonable force in this detention.

I got a major telling off years ago from the police after a known thief was in our shop. we saw her put a £1K gold bracelet in her bag, so we locked the doors and phoned the police. I was reprimanded by the police officer, because, until she left the shop she technically hadn't stolen the goods, and technically I had wrongfully detained her. In that instance she decided not to pay for the bracelet and left it with us but was allowed to go!

If she security guard searched the OP without her consent he broke the law, and the code of his controlling body, the SIA - I would get his name and report to the SIA.

@MummyJ36you say the security guard was ‘unprofessional’. Being a security guard is not a ‘profession’. It’s long hours on your feet, with not much happening a lot of the time, on the minimum wage.

You haven't stolen anything until you've left the shop so you haven't been caught shop lifting.
I'd be complaining

Then she has the requisite mens rea to commit theft however if you intend to pay you do not. I’m in Scotland I’m not sure if there is that mental element in other jurisdictions.

As said, we can argue it’s about intent til the cows come home but it isn’t going to change what happened or make the embarrassment go away. The time for that argument is when you’re still in the store being confronted and that moment has passed. It’s not as if they are going to do anything if you start reminding them it’s about intent days after the event.

Even if you had quite intentionally tried to steal the milk, there was no need for his ridiculous behaviour.

He could simply have asked you if you intend to pay for the milk you had in your bag.

Totally pointless tirade on his part.

If he just mentioned it and prompted you to pay you would have done, no need for all that nonsense.

Whilst technically not a profession under the old definition of such, security guards do have to be registered with and licensed by the SIA, the SIA itself describes "professional standards" and "cPd".

So in this context the term professional is in correct usage.

I would have got a basket and put it in the crook of my arm and still pushed the buggy with two hands. Or just pushed the buggy with one hand. I would normally sympathise but putting an item in a carrier bag before going through the checkout? That’s just a no no. I would have hooked the milk around a finger and carried on pushing a buggy, uncomfortable yes, but you don’t just pop stuff in carrier bags as you go round.

I’d just leave it. Complain about what? The security guard doing his job? Yes you are a knackered mum, but he thought you were stealing (kind of did!). He can’t just stop the the junkies and homeless. You’d be surprised. Nice, middle-class Mums swipe stuff deliberately too.

Thanks. This is helpful.

OP, report to the SIA here

https://www.gov.uk/report-security-staff-or-companies

You can’t reasonably be charged with shoplifting until you have left the shop although a security guard can say he thought you intended to conceal with the intent to steal there is no way of proving this until you've stepped out

So Yes I would complain as

• you were still in the shop
• he humiliated you in front of other customers
• his methods were inappropriate

I wouldn’t go back to the shop though, I’d complain to headquarters