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AIBU?

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Original poster

Accused of shoplifting after mistake. Should I complain?

262 replies

MARG07 · 30/03/2025 02:24

Tonight I went to Lidl which I go occasionally to (I'm not a regular shopper there and prefer Tesco, but I was shopping near it and popped into get a few items) I was pushing my 2 year old son in a push chair. He was asleep, and I had the hood pulled all the way down on the stroller. I got yogurts and put them on the hood (I was only getting a few things and couldn't get a trolley or basket as I was pushing my son) then i got milk and realising it would fall off the hood as there was already stuff on it (as it wasn't folded up but pulled all the way down) because he was asleep, in a split second I put it in a carrier bag I had at the side of the pushchair on a clip. Stupid I know but I wasn't thinking.

I then got two birthday cards and some chocolate and placed them on the hood as they were small and would not fall off, and proceeded to the check out. I didn't sleep well and was exhausted also. I was in a queue and by the time my turn came I paid for everything and began to walk out, as I was putting the stuff in the bag I suddenly saw the milk and remembered it, but before I could do anything, an aggressive security man began to shout at me and proceeded to accuse me of stealing. He pulled out all the items i had, including stuff I'd purchased minutes before in another shop and kept shouting to give it all back. (One or two items they sold too) I had a receipt for the stuff from another shop, and kept telling him to look at it. He just kept ranting and rifling through all my stuff though really really aggressively. Everyone was staring and another customer came over with my receipt which i had not taken, and handed it to him, he looked at it and then started going on about the milk not being on it and I was lost for words. I felt so embarrassed at everyone looking and couldn't properly defend myself.

I said it was a mistake that i only put the milk in the carrier bag as it would have fallen off the stroller, and that I couldn't carry a basket and push my sleeping son at the same time. But he was so aggressive and didn't listen at all.. He then just grabbed the milk and walked off. I still wanted the milk (it was actually what I'd gone in for) and was about to pay but he just left. I was almost in tears and just walked out.

It was a genuine error and I feel it should have been handled better. I told my husband when I came home and said I want to go back and officially complain, but he said as I didn't pay its my fault and better to just drop it. AIBU to ask for a manager tomorrow & make a complaint? Or should I just leave it? I can't stop thinking that maybe someone I knew saw me there and thinks I'm a shop lifter. I feel sick..

My husband however said to just forget it and go back there to shop again if I want to, as I've nothing to hide, but not to complain over it. He thinks it's best to just act like it didn't happen.

Any advice?

OP posts:
Cottesloe · 30/03/2025 07:40

SarahAndQuack · 30/03/2025 03:04

Why would you complain?

Personally, I'd feel mortified my silly mistake meant they'd had to waste time and energy checking my shop.

It's rotten you are so tired - and I remember that stage - but I think because you are so tired, you're forgetting it's not personal. They just have to follow up when someone walks out without paying.

But she hadn't left the shop

Thingymajigii · 30/03/2025 07:40

You were treated badly but I would let it go. It's any easy mistake to make - I have done it myself but I wouldn't complain - he was just doing his job (even though he could have handled it much better)

Gremlins101 · 30/03/2025 07:41

This could have happened to me a few times over the past few sleep deprived buggy years, i was very lucky it didn't. He sounds very aggressive. What a big shot, saving the world against accidental milk thieves.

Actually I'd probably go back and shop there forever more and stare him out with crazy eyes when leaving the shop every time until he started having nightmares about me.

BallerinaRadio · 30/03/2025 07:41

I imagine the security guard deals with 'accidental' shoplifters multiple times a day and just doesn't have the patience to listen to another 'but I was going to pay for it honest' story anymore.

Plus whenever I read a story like this I imagine the aggression of the security guard is embellished, or you felt he was more aggressive because of the situation.

Shoplifting is rife at the minute, especially with prams and things being put in bags so I'd just maybe not complain and use it to be more careful next time which it sounds like you will be

Icanhearabee · 30/03/2025 07:41

outofofficeagain · 30/03/2025 02:29

But you were shoplifting.

I know it was a mistake and we’ve all
done something similar, but it’s difficult to see what you would complain about.

Shoplifting is rife at the moment - I imagine stores are just sick of it.

It wasn’t shoplifting, it was a genuine mistake and there was no need for the security guard to be so aggressive to a mum pushing a small child in a pram.

And yes, shoplifting is rife at the moment. I’m fortunate that at the moment I can afford to stay afloat in the midst of a cost of living crisis that’s getting worse and worse with no sign of it abating. But there are thousands of families up and down the country who are struggling. It was reported 250 thousand more families were thrown into poverty after the chancellor’s spring statement, including 50 thousand children. What are they supposed to do when they run out of money? That’s the harsh reality many face. I’m more outraged by that to be honest.

Lovelysummerdays · 30/03/2025 07:43

Chiseltip · 30/03/2025 07:28

Your understanding of the law is wrong. The security guards in your old job also didn't understand the law.

Show quote history

My understanding is the same as the pp. I was told by a police officer that security guards aren’t allowed to search your bags without consent. The only people who can insist are the police. If they do search without consent then it’s difficult to prosecute, illegal searches being fruit of the poisoned tree. I am in Scotland if that makes a difference. I think the laws of property are different here so technically if you are within a building that the owner of the property controls then the property hasnt left their possession.

When I lived abroad it was really common to have your bag searched on the way out. Not just for me, for everyone. They would also check bags on the way in and seal them if possible so they would staple them closed (carrier bags) or cable tie zip pulls together. There were lockers in local lidls as no bags allowed in store. I do wonder if we will get to that point in the UK.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 30/03/2025 07:47

Dueanamechange2025 · 30/03/2025 03:13

It’s a standard shoplifters scheme to take the sleeping baby in with them and use the pram to take items.
You know it was a mistake but they don’t. Perhaps testing it with just milk (assuming normal milk and not baby milk) ready to come back and try something more expensive next time if you got away with it.

Yes they may get about 10 of these a day. How does he know who to differentiate as a mistake?

I’ve done it myself where something was on the hood and I walked out, so had to go and fess up. So it’s easy done but I wouldn’t have complained about being told off if I was caught. He does sound a bit over the top, but you don’t know how many he has to deal with a day…

Icanhearabee · 30/03/2025 07:48

Gremlins101 · 30/03/2025 07:41

This could have happened to me a few times over the past few sleep deprived buggy years, i was very lucky it didn't. He sounds very aggressive. What a big shot, saving the world against accidental milk thieves.

Actually I'd probably go back and shop there forever more and stare him out with crazy eyes when leaving the shop every time until he started having nightmares about me.

Someone recently posted on my Facebook page about a security guard who followed him all around the supermarket and wouldn’t leave him alone. The man had enough of it in the end and asked the guard to stop so the guard squared up to him against the wall and threatened him. He was blatantly on a massive power trip which I’m sure a lot of them are.

Viviennemary · 30/03/2025 07:48

outofofficeagain · 30/03/2025 02:29

But you were shoplifting.

I know it was a mistake and we’ve all
done something similar, but it’s difficult to see what you would complain about.

Shoplifting is rife at the moment - I imagine stores are just sick of it.

Quite. The shop had no way of knowing if this was deliberate or a mistake. However, common sense should have pointed towards it being a mistake because milk would be quite a cheap item and hardly worth stealling and quite bulky. But it really was quite unwise to put it into a carrier bag. Don't do that again.

Thirteenblackcat · 30/03/2025 07:49

He sounds horrid. This was obviously a genuine mistake, and he touched your property without permission.

they will have cameras at the checkouts, I’d complain given the heavy handedness of his manner

HelenWheels · 30/03/2025 07:53

ds was in the trolley holding the loo paper was the first time i stole from supermarket, unwittingly
also a dolly being held by dd in woolies
a bottle of baby oil put under the pram by dd, the woman in boots was quite disbelieving of my innocence

ds eating a tomato in tesco, checkout operator insisted on charging me

i do feel your mistake was to not attempt to use a basket, it is possible to hold a basket while pushing a pram, and you put it in a bag, looks dodgy to me too
obviously the security guard was over enthusiastic which is your complaint

johnd2 · 30/03/2025 07:56

HelenWheels · 30/03/2025 07:53

ds was in the trolley holding the loo paper was the first time i stole from supermarket, unwittingly
also a dolly being held by dd in woolies
a bottle of baby oil put under the pram by dd, the woman in boots was quite disbelieving of my innocence

ds eating a tomato in tesco, checkout operator insisted on charging me

i do feel your mistake was to not attempt to use a basket, it is possible to hold a basket while pushing a pram, and you put it in a bag, looks dodgy to me too
obviously the security guard was over enthusiastic which is your complaint

Edited

Technically eating food in a supermarket that even if you intend to pay for later is theft, as you are treating it as your own when it's not.
(It's not like a restaurant where you are supposed to eat and then pay.)

CameraGown · 30/03/2025 07:59

HelenWheels · 30/03/2025 07:53

ds was in the trolley holding the loo paper was the first time i stole from supermarket, unwittingly
also a dolly being held by dd in woolies
a bottle of baby oil put under the pram by dd, the woman in boots was quite disbelieving of my innocence

ds eating a tomato in tesco, checkout operator insisted on charging me

i do feel your mistake was to not attempt to use a basket, it is possible to hold a basket while pushing a pram, and you put it in a bag, looks dodgy to me too
obviously the security guard was over enthusiastic which is your complaint

Edited

Why did you expect not to be charged for the tomato?

Isthisit22 · 30/03/2025 08:00

Every single shoplifter ever says it’s a mistake.
You're upset and annoyed with yourself- own it and move on. Don't transpose that into others.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 30/03/2025 08:01

It's not when you get outside the store you can be accused it is once you are past the last point of payment, so when you have gone through the tills and are heading to the exit. People do come in with prams to steal , some have babies in some don't. That said he could have been less aggressive

Marchitectmummy · 30/03/2025 08:02

TinyTheresa · 30/03/2025 07:05

You are allowed to make a mistake.

I would have asked to speak to the manager there and then, but I probably would not go back to complain now. I would not shop there any more either, they should train and manage their staff properly!

Show quote history

Mistakes have consequences.

If I mistakenly drive on the wrong side of the road and that mistake leads to me hitting your car, the mistake has a consequence - a claim on my insurance and potentially I am charged with driving without due cause and attention.

If I mistakenly read my flight time incorrectly and miss my flight that mistake has a consequence of my needing to buy a new ticket.

The OPs mistake of not paying for milk had a consequence of being accused of theft and having her belongings searched. That mistake is not the burden of the shop. It's hers to learn from.

Ellie1015 · 30/03/2025 08:03

Actual shoplifters will also have a story like yours so of course security guard won't be happy and will thoroughly check receipt. Asking a genuine shoplifter to move to private area is likely to escalate the situation too.

You made a mistake, the security guard was just doing his job. You have nothing to complain about. You were embarrassed by your own mistake not the staff.

Marchitectmummy · 30/03/2025 08:04

Fioratourer · 30/03/2025 07:37

Years ago this happened to me an angry security guard chased me out the shop. Stupidly maybe I took something out my bag to compare to the product they sell then put my item back in my bag. I didn’t actually buy anything or steal. I was so cross as if they looked at the cameras properly they could see what happened. The security guard was ott and the manager was apologetic. So I know how you feel op. Mistakes happen but in future I would learn to steer the buggy with one hand and use a basket. I manage to do this but maybe depends on the pushchair/pram.

They don't have time to look at cameras properly they have to decide there and then if you have potentially stolen or not and act.

Looking on cameras and you would have been long gone

CantStopMoving · 30/03/2025 08:05

MugsyBalonz · 30/03/2025 02:40

I would complain. I used to work on retail and the law says that an offence is commited when you take goods with the intention of permanently depriving the owner of them. In every shop I ever worked in, this was when you physically left the store as that point of crossing the shop threshold was when it was clear you weren't going to pay - so many times we'd have a shoplifter in and security weren't allowed to touch them until they passed through the doors as up until that moment they still had the opportunity to pay for the goods they were carrying.

The security guard was over-zealous and heavy handed, he also had no right to search your bags without your consent even if you had been shoplifting - legally he could detain you but if he wanted your bags searched and you refused then he'd have to call the police to do it.

yes I studied this and you have to have physically left the shop for it is have been considered stealing. I used to do a Saturday job of supermarket and the amount of people who used to walk around eating the produce and then giving me the wrappers to scan was ridiculous. I always thought at the time they would be done for stealing but it is the intent to deprive that matters and they intended to pay.

and OP we have all done it. I was walking around a shop once holding some chocolate I was going to pay for the children. My husband went to the checkout to pay but I didn’t think about what I was holding as I’d been holding it for so long. I just walked out with it, got halfway down the road before I realised and obviously ran back to pay. We have also walked out of a bar having not paid the tab and had to return.

before this horrible spate of mass thieving, genuine errors would just have been paid for and everyone would have just moved on.

HelenWheels · 30/03/2025 08:07

CameraGown · 30/03/2025 07:59

Why did you expect not to be charged for the tomato?

Show quote history

i knew that would cause comment

this is how to get through shopping with a toddler!
yes, i was pretty much expecting a free tomato. so shoot me, call security Hmm

MesmerisingMuon · 30/03/2025 08:09

Unfortunately all shop lifters "intended to pay and just forgot".

And people putting things in prams and pushchairs is a really common method of stealing.

Next time use the pull along basket. I managed to pull one whilst pushing a double pram so perfect do-able.

CantStopMoving · 30/03/2025 08:10

Chiseltip · 30/03/2025 07:28

Your understanding of the law is wrong. The security guards in your old job also didn't understand the law.

Show quote history

The is the law. I can remember writing essays on it. Why do you think they are wrong?

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 30/03/2025 08:17

Why go shopping if you cannot use a basket? Take your son home and go back with 2 free hands, or get your husband to help.
How much stuff can fit onto the pram hood? Do you have to place it Jenga style, or does random placement create a steadier base upon which to balance stuff?
Are groceries in Lidl harder to balance on the pram than those in Tesco? I ask because you mention where you were shopping in relation to where you usually go. Or do you think you wouldn't be accused of shoplifting if you'd done the same thing in Tesco?
How do other women manage to manoeuvre a basket and pram? Is their anyone IRL you could ask to demonstrate?
You need a strategy to prevent recurrence

Leafy74 · 30/03/2025 08:22

Velmy · 30/03/2025 03:48

They abused their power here by the sounds of things, searching OP in public without consent when she wasn't stealing.

What additional powers would you like them to have and how would you ensure that they were using them correctly?

Show quote history

Prove to me she wasn't stealing.

Psychologymam · 30/03/2025 08:25

HelenWheels · 30/03/2025 08:07

i knew that would cause comment

this is how to get through shopping with a toddler!
yes, i was pretty much expecting a free tomato. so shoot me, call security Hmm

Show quote history

It is a little strange though? I shop with my toddler (or two!) and have never considered allowing them to grab food from the shelves and not pay for it as a way of coping?! I talk to them and get them involved in the process. If they really need to eat you bring them a snack. They’re children, not wild animals - they will understand the concept of not being able to take everything they can see!

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