New house - who gets biggest room?

[Catseyes2025]

So in the process of buying a new house with my partner. I have three children and he has one. The new house has 4 bedrooms. 2 good size and 2 smaller. He wants his daughter to have the second biggest room. She does not live with us full time, she lives with her mum. I don’t feel this is fair as my two youngest will have to share a room and now it looks like they will have to share a smaller room. This is totally grating me. He won’t budge on this as he says he’s promised her this room because she wanted it. I will be honest his daughter rarely gets told no. I guess it’s the joy of being an only child. I’ve really struggled with this as she has become quite entitled and really can’t handle if she doesn’t get her own way.
I literally don’t know how to handle this and tbh I’m dreading having to live with her - any advice would be greatly appreciated

Absolutely not, after the master, the biggest room goes to those sharing (even if his dd lived there 100% of the time). What’s his rationale?

The dc who live there full time get more space.

You don't have to live with her....
Just saying..... A dc who won't be told no will make your dc's lives hell..

Who’s paying what because that is going to have an enormous influence on what happens in your household and if you’re not comfortable with it I’d be pulling out now

Of course two children sharing should have a larger room than one child on their own.

It is crazy if a child who is only there sometimes has a larger room than 2 more there children who share a room.

The 2 sharing obviously should have the second biggest room.

If you’re already dreading it, don’t do it.

Choose a bigger house or just stay living separately.

Do you really want to go ahead with this? I'd be reconsidering the whole plan tbh.

If he's paying more and the logic is he who pays picks the tune then that will apply to every aspect of your life.

Clearly not! What an idiot. Are you sure about moving in with him?

Don't buy a house with him.

I know that sounds facetious but if you're buying a property together and blending your families, he doesn't get to "not budge" on something that needs to be a joint decision. It's a dangerous precedent to set and a very bad start, in my opinion. I'd at least postpone the house buying because his attitude would worry me.

That’s ridiculous. She doesn’t live with you full time. She gets the smallest room for when she’s there.

my ex h was in the sane situation when he re married. Ds was with him some weekends - of course he had the box room. All his stuff was at my house, he didn’t need lots of room at his dads.

Regardless of how often she's there, the children who are sharing should get the biggest room obviously

The bigger room should go the two who are sharing and living there full time. His DD gets one of the smaller rooms as does your older DC. This is fair and she needs to be told she is not getting the bigger room.

Keep your own house where your children remain the priority. Why you’d even consider buying a house with a man like this I do not know. Advocate for your children, if you don’t now and you go through with this in your terms, you’re all going to end up miserable

She gets the smallest room of course - and if he won’t budge don’t not buy the house because it’s just a sign of things to come!

edited to add , this house doesn’t really sound big enough for all of you - are you sure it’s the right one? Do you kids share currently?

Well, it was bloody stupid of him to promise his daughter that!

A man who would expect my two children to share a smaller room while his daughter who isn't sharing a room gets the largest one isn't the sort of man I would want to be buying a house with.

Even if she lived with you full-time, there is no way I agree to her having the largest room whilst two other children share a smaller room.

The two sharing get the bigger room.

Can you not buy a 5 bed?

If your kids live with you full time then they should have the three other rooms and his DD can share when she stays.

If he insists his daughter gets this room then I wouldn't be buying with him.

I can sort of see his logic if you’re paying 50/50. He needs 1.5 rooms and you need 2.5 so he wants the big room to balance it. And his daughter is probably unhappy to have to share him with three other kids so he’s trying to appease her.

He’s still wrong though.

How could he possibly think this was OK?

Please don’t subject your children to what sounds like an unhappy home and a partner who is not considerate of their mother.

I would be reconsidering your decision if he is being this idiotic.

Of course YANBU!

Honestly though, if you aren't happy with her living in the same house as you, you shouldn't be moving in together, not until she is an adult. It's going to cause all sorts of issues and put an entirely preventable strain on your relationship.

I’d tell him that if your two youngest need to share a small bedroom, one of the downstairs rooms will need to be a permanent playroom / toy room. Bet he’ll change his mind then.

Have to echo this and others.

Won't budge? OK then. I'm staying put in my own property where I make decisions on basis of my children.

If his DC never gets told no, that's already a big red flag.

The children who live at the house have the bigger room! You can say you promised the bigger room to your children.

Maybe you need to show dh this thread.

Start as you mean to go on.

(or don’t buy this house)