New house - who gets biggest room?

[Catseyes2025]

So in the process of buying a new house with my partner. I have three children and he has one. The new house has 4 bedrooms. 2 good size and 2 smaller. He wants his daughter to have the second biggest room. She does not live with us full time, she lives with her mum. I don’t feel this is fair as my two youngest will have to share a room and now it looks like they will have to share a smaller room. This is totally grating me. He won’t budge on this as he says he’s promised her this room because she wanted it. I will be honest his daughter rarely gets told no. I guess it’s the joy of being an only child. I’ve really struggled with this as she has become quite entitled and really can’t handle if she doesn’t get her own way.
I literally don’t know how to handle this and tbh I’m dreading having to live with her - any advice would be greatly appreciated

Tell him that if his daughter has that room your children sharing will be having your room, you will be having one room and the other child the final room. He will be on the sofa. One child does not get to have more than twice the amount of space that two children are expected to share. She won't even be there most of the time. I would tell him that either the children sharing have that room or that the children sharing will not be sharing when she is at her mum's. It will very much be one of them in that room when she is not there or if she is to have her own space she takes the smaller room. She is not more important than your children that live in the home full time. End of discussion. He will need to learn as part of a couple you dont make promises you can't keep and he should have said he would discuss the issue with you before saying she could have it. Just tell him you promised it to your children and seeing as they are sharing they win. Put it to a house vote for those involved. Ie the 3 children and oh look two out vote 1.

I have not rtft, but I think the oldest girl should get her own room and your Dh's daughter should share with your teen (I know it will mean that your teen will have the biggest room when she isn't around, but so be it). If she wants her own room it has to be one of the smaller ones.

Sounds as though this is going to be hard work, op. Put your daughter's first and get out while you can.

Definitely not. In my opinion she should have the smallest room if she is only living with you part-time. She'll also have a bedroom at her mum's to keep her stuff in, so she'll have fewer belongings at your house than your kids will have. It is difficult when your step-children have had everything their way and believe me I know! Your partner is being completely unreasonable.

I wouldn’t live with him. Prioritise your children over him.

When we all moved in together I had 3 boys and he had 1 boy. 2 big bedrooms and 2 smaller bedrooms.

The 2 younger boys, 1 of mine and his went into the biggest room together, we went into the other big room and my eldest got the biggest small room and my middle boy went into the other small room.

My eldest moved out so my middle boy moved in to his room the two younger boys got a bedroom each and my middle boy went into the room we were in previously.

We have had no arguments about sizes of rooms and even if he did promise his daughter the bigger room he is going to have to tell her he made a mistake.

I haven't read the whole thread but have definitely been through something very, very similar. The dad in this situation went behind my back and gave the 2nd biggest bedroom to his son without talking with me and my daughter first (all of us together, in the same conversation). His son is only here every weekend, and sometimes not then. My daughter studies at a local uni and when me and my daughter last discussed it, she said she would've loved the bigger bedroom and could've moved back in with me. As it is now, she was given the smaller room (think box room but tiny). I now rarely see my dd here because she has no real space to breathe. I really resented his attitude towards it and it has caused several arguments between me and xp.

My point is that this situation will only fester. He should not have gone behind your back. If he can't say no to his daughter, how will your dd feel if he says no about the same thing?

Blending families is downright hard when one person unilaterally makes decisions that affect everyone without mentioning it to anyone else. The qhole situation can be so much easier if everyone is discussing things like this and a joint decision made.

Sorry but the 2 sharing get the biggest of the 3 rooms left after you’ve picked yours.
if he can’t see he’s being unreasonable I wouldn’t be buying a house with him.
the fact he can’t compromise and the fact he’s promised her anything without speaking to you first is huge red flags… RUN

Where is the OP? Is she coming back? She needs to show her partner this thread. Let him see how wrong he is.

Forget about the extension being part of the reasoning. In my case, we had to keep putting off our extension for 10 years because of finances and covid. Do what's right now. You and DP biggest room. 2 sharing second biggest. His DD and your oldest DD a smaller room each. His DD is lucky to get her own room, focus on that.

That's harsh. She deserves a room in her dad's house and very important that she is welcomed and integrated