New house - who gets biggest room?

[Catseyes2025]

So in the process of buying a new house with my partner. I have three children and he has one. The new house has 4 bedrooms. 2 good size and 2 smaller. He wants his daughter to have the second biggest room. She does not live with us full time, she lives with her mum. I don’t feel this is fair as my two youngest will have to share a room and now it looks like they will have to share a smaller room. This is totally grating me. He won’t budge on this as he says he’s promised her this room because she wanted it. I will be honest his daughter rarely gets told no. I guess it’s the joy of being an only child. I’ve really struggled with this as she has become quite entitled and really can’t handle if she doesn’t get her own way.
I literally don’t know how to handle this and tbh I’m dreading having to live with her - any advice would be greatly appreciated

No, if they are going to be a blended family then all needs are taken into account. Not what one child "wants" or Daddy has "promised".

Ok, so:

• he’s prioritising his daughter over your kids
• he can’t say no to her
• she’ll likely lord it over your kids
• he won’t discuss this properly with you
• he thinks his word is the law

Dont do it OP. It’s not going to work out. Take this situation as a warning, this is how your life is going to be from now on.

I think the only thing that would achieve is that the partner’s dd will stop coming over. Quite rightly too, talk about being deprioritised.

I don't think you should be in a blended family either.

Quite apart from the issue of who gets the bigger room - and your DP's attitude is ridiculous and logically indefensible - it sounds to me as if you are setting yourself and your children up for continual arguments and unhappiness. If you and your DP aren’t on the same page re parenting, there are going to be endless problems.

You don’t waste space in a house reserving a bigger room for someone who isn’t there most of the time. You also don’t make two children share a smaller room so a singleton can have their own, bigger room. It’s a ridiculous suggestion. Your partner is really showing you the way he will want things to be in this new house, what he says goes and his child is prioritised.

Yes! Why on earth are you putting yourself and your DC through this?

What if DSD gets told no by mum and decides to live with you full time?

Put your kids first OP. Do you already live with him? I can’t understand why you would do this.

Exactly. @Catapultaway How exactly is it fair that one person gets a bigger room and doesn’t even have to share and this person won’t be living there full time. Meanwhile two people will have to share a smaller room and they’re living in that house all the time?

My advice is don’t move in with someone who you are dreading living with. It sounds miserable.

You either need

• a 5 bed house
• a 4 bed house and the sharers get the biggest room
• a house of your own where you don’t live with someone you “dread” and your children don’t have to live with a man who doesn’t see them as equal residents to his own child.

fwiw I don’t think the poor kid who gets shoved from pillar to post should only be entitled to the smallest room in whatever house she is living in for those few days, but two sharing should get a bigger room than someone getting their own room.

Please don’t blend families with this man, your children will resent you for it and it will affect your relationship with them.

I would stop this house move-it's not going to work. Stay where you are.

You need to reconsider buying the house.

I don't agree. The girl will stop coming if she feels resented and not part of the family. That will be inevitable if the other children have to bunk up full time so she can have the biggest room for some of the time. All the children need to learn to share their space.

If there is love in the home she will want to visit.

Don’t buy with this man. The two children sharing should have the biggest bedroom after the main bedroom. If your SD is to have her own room, then it should be the smallest room.

She can have the bigger bedroom but she has to share with one other child. OR she can have a smaller bedroom and it's all hers.

Take a pick.

Just re-read your original post, if you’re dreading living with your SD, then don’t do it. It’s not fair on anyone. Pull out of house purchase before it’s too late.

I will be honest his daughter rarely gets told no. I guess it’s the joy of being an only child.

No it's the joy of having a wimp for a dad. I'd seriously be re-thinking whether I'd want to be in a relationship with somebody who is unable to parent their own child tbh. I mean what's next "We need to buy a new house because Lucy doesn't like this one so the estate agent will be around in the morning and we'll be buying the one Lucy likes best"?

I was on your side til you took the lazy option of stereotyping only children instead of blaming your partner for being a shit dad who won't say no.

The problems have started before you’ve even bought the house? Don’t do it.

Why is she getting to pick, over the other children?

Well we have no idea how much each of them are staking financially but either they are blending the family or they are two separate families (and should continue to live separately).

If they were one family instead of blended the sharers would (or should) automatically get the larger room. There is no reason why that should be different where the children are step siblings.

The real problem for me is that before they have even moved in the DP is "putting his foot down" unilaterally purely to make himself feel better. I would not live with a man like that, I'd be very worried about blending families with a DP who behaved like a Disney dad - children need to be told "no" sometimes and he doesn't get a free pass on that job.

It sounds like they are not ready to cohabit.

The children who are sharing get the biggest room and anyone who can't see that is not someone I would want to live with.

Imagine you're a few years down the line and this scenario that you're dreading is now your daily reality and it's just as bad as you feared it would be. Would you be wishing you could turn the clock back to this time and say to your partner, "This isn't going to work, sorry but I think we should stay separate households as we are".

You get as much say in this as he does. Even if you're not going 50/50 on the mortgage, as a contributing adult with dependents, you need to feel heard and that your opinions have weight. His dictating that his DD gets what she wants to the detriment of the other children is deeply concerning and I wouldn't accept this. Either both adults agree on how the accommodation works or it shouldn't go ahead.

You have to advocate for your children, because your partner isn't. And BTW, my child is an only and isn't a spoilt brat. It doesn't go with the territory.

The only advice I have is to tell you not to buy a house with him.

I think you need to pull out of merging households:

• He's too stubborn to consider everyone equally, and
• you don't like his dd.

It's not fair on dc to "blend" where the adults aren't really on board with each other's kids.