New house - who gets biggest room?

[Catseyes2025]

So in the process of buying a new house with my partner. I have three children and he has one. The new house has 4 bedrooms. 2 good size and 2 smaller. He wants his daughter to have the second biggest room. She does not live with us full time, she lives with her mum. I don’t feel this is fair as my two youngest will have to share a room and now it looks like they will have to share a smaller room. This is totally grating me. He won’t budge on this as he says he’s promised her this room because she wanted it. I will be honest his daughter rarely gets told no. I guess it’s the joy of being an only child. I’ve really struggled with this as she has become quite entitled and really can’t handle if she doesn’t get her own way.
I literally don’t know how to handle this and tbh I’m dreading having to live with her - any advice would be greatly appreciated

He won’t budge on this as he says he’s promised her this room because she wanted it.

If its a shared family home - then he can't just promise something to another family member without talking about it with you first.

What if you'd said that your two can have the other biggest bedroom and not budge on it - then what?

If he can't see that the two children who are sharing should get a bigger room than one child who lives there part time then I wouldn't buy a house with him.

This has ‘disaster’ written all over it.

Aside from the fact that blending families rarely, if ever, works for the kids, it’s obvious that there is an unhealthy power imbalance in your relationship which will only get worse once you move in together.

I guess he's wanting his child to feel like she belongs in a home where she could feel she is visiting another family. I would think your partner also wants to feel his family isn't side lined in the home. But practically children that share should have the biggest room and the others have smaller rooms but they don't have to share. I feel for his child in this situation but that doesn't mean I don't understand your worry too.

I agree. You're going to have to put the brakes on this idea.

Little children yes but teens need their own space. If you’re going to have 4 kids you should be able to provide for them long term.
obviously needs must but in the OPs situation I would be looking to find a 5 bedroom at the same price or a 4 bed where a bedroom could be added.

He won’t budge on this as he says he’s promised her this room because she wanted it. I will be honest his daughter rarely gets told no. I guess it’s the joy of being an only child.

It's definitely NOT the joy of being an only child. I became an old child after sibling died and was told 'no' all the fucking time. I wish people wouldn't make such silly, sweeping statements.

As for you, I agree with PP that you should rethink buying a house with this man. It doesn't bode well for how your kids are going to be treated in the future.

Plenty of children share bedrooms. It's perfectly fine. It's the allocation of space which is the issue here.

I don't say this lightly, but I would think extremely hard about continuing with the purchase. An intransigence in the face of all logic and fairness in favour of his daughter doesn't bode well.

What if the daughter wanted the biggest bedroom in the 5 bed house, and other children had box rooms?

He's ridiculous. Sharers have the largest of the DC bedrooms, the two singles have the two smaller bedrooms.

Be prepared for a slew of posts telling you its a human rights violation if each child doesn't have a private bedroom, en suite and their own boot room. In the real world children share bedrooms, often with more than one sibling.

this

Its purely the fact that you are moving in together and he is making decisions without you on the living arrangements - you can't have a family where one person tells everyone else what is happening and will not budge on it.

It will not work out and will build resentment, he is setting it all up to fail

Giving his daughter a bigger room is not for her benefit, it's to assuage his guilt at splitting up with her mother.

If he is of the mindset that he is always going to spoil the daughter to make up for the split then this is just the tip of the iceberg as he will create in her a monster.

It's very selfish of him and I would not be involving my children in his mess.

My advice is do not get a house with this man and just date him without the kids being too involved.

True! Anyone see the thread about the girl with the en suite?!

This too. It doesn't sound like you are in a good place to be sharing yet. Unless this is a minor issue and resolved by putting the sharers in the larger bedroom you might want to rethink the arrangement before its too late.

Absolutely not. The child living there part time gets the smallest room,it's only fair

Why can't she feel like she belongs unless she has a bigger room than two other children who are sharing? That's not being sidelined, that's just being treated fairly.
Why on eart do you "feel for his child"? She shouldn't expect anything diffferent.

No but based on years of reading this particular brand of MN nonsense I think I can imagine 😀. Is it still running?

And it's clear she is always going to favour her children... as she should, and as he should. Why is it him getting the hard time, it is absolutely his responsibility to prioritise his child.

Biggest room- two youngest (age? Sex?)
Second biggest- daughter (age?)
Third biggest- parents
Smallest- oldest child of OP. (Age?)

Although loads of assumptions on above- including ages, size of rooms, sex of kids, location of room, need etc biggest room likely to have ensuite too (should that go to youngest?)

I know many won't agree with above - but there are so many factors at play.... House layout, ages , sex of OP children etc etc

Sometimes there is an argument that’s relationship breaking. This is one.

He can't prioritise her over the other children. That's not fair

He's already unilaterally decided and 'promised' this room to his daughter?

Are you sure you want to buy a house with this man? You'll be financially trapped with him.

I said she might feel shes an outsider ,Only because she is visiting a home where there is a family of 4 and her dad. I'm not saying she should feel like that or her dad should think this way. I'm saying she is the outsider in this situation and as a parent you might be a bit irrational to try and make up for this .